Just as in language, identities are conventions based upon personal choice. As such, a society may or may not accept the identity chosen by an individual. Therefore, one can identify oneself however one likes to the extent that society permits.

Fundamentally, that is why identities are so controversial.

Because identities are conventions, they should be challenged as society sees fit. That does not, however, limit the freedom of a particular social circle to gather and have, say, a clown or a wolf party, because they identify as such.

This very freedom differs entirely from the possibility of challenging an identity. In other words, just because society considers best not to convene in recognizing a particular identity, doesn't mean they will be sanctioned in any way from doing so.

Everyone can do whatever they want, the limit being disorder, disrespect, offense, and so on. And society also has the right not to recognize their identity choice as a public element.