Thanks guys for the welcome.

Have to admit, so much swirling around in my head. I just really don't know where to start.

I guess a quick bio might help?

I was 15 years old when diagnosed with cancer. Told, directly as i like it, that there was a 50/50 chance of getting through it. I did. I think a lot was PMA but also made me very aware of what life is, and what we should get from it. 31 Years later, here I am with all the usual crap life gives us, problems with the bank, broadband not working but these seem of little consequence. When you are told at that age you might not make the year out, attitudes change.

All I have tried to do is enjoy life to the max. Long conversations recently with my folks about inheritance, planning etc seems vague to say the least. Always said after what happened 30 odd years ago that every day is a bonus. I have lived that way all my life and have no regrets, but now looking at bills, responsibilities etc, life seems a little mundane. Trying to get my head round that is one of the reasons I am here.

Always assumed I wouldn't be here now, so filled my life as best I could. Where the **** do you go from here?

Always assumed that although I don't believe in a god, that there is something, I like to call it mother nature, but feels almost like I need to do something.

That register with anybody?

After 1 para, was tying my self in knots to understand the language and direction. Once I re read it (very slowly and carefully, bit dim), I started to get annoyed, happy and confused at the same time. Would love if - (constructive criticism part) your could summarise or otherwise define the goal of what you need from us? Would it be feelings, arguments for and against, agreement? Or am I being dum? Maybe, sorry if so. ;-)