Regarding my "weird shit", you seem to have gone off on some tangent and projected lots of your own ideas onto it. There doesn't seem to be much point in trying to explain it further, other than to point out that your interpretation of the situation is wildly off the mark. That I am not in love with the person mentioned, and there isn't anything tragic going on. Have you not in your youth been a "fool", or regretted the one that got away? Come on be honest now? — Punshhh
What is there to regret if it was not love? The foolishness of youth is loss younger self couldn't anticipate, a path someone turns away from because it's too hard, too much work, interfered with their other desires it much or wasn't popular at the time, even though there was something more worthwhile their in the long run.
In these 23 years, how can you say you have lost anything if you did not love her? Are you one to have relationships and a soul mate without love?
Perhaps you are being honest about not loving her (whether then or now), but it would make you profoundly dishonest value. I would mean your regret was a status play, one where you are in love with the
idea a relationship with this person or having a soul mate, so you are regretting you didn't take your chance to meet this abstracted standard of perfection.
"Universal love" often works like this. In most instances, it a play for status-- if only I find universal love, then I will be perfect, will be the best, will break out of the ignominy of my worldly existence.
In this sense, universal love is a lie. Love is given by people to other people. It's defined by it is anything but universal, as it is care and respect for a specific person. Those who love everyone
do not love universally, and it's what makes them wonderful-- no matter who you are, they specifically have your back, help when you are in trouble, etc.
To be loved universally is an oxymoron.
We've been tricked by our own abstraction. Universal love, in sense, takes the significance of being loved by
someone and pretends it can be given by no-one, as if love was an infinite with didn't requires anyone else or anything of the world. It's myth which destroys our ability to describe those we love and those who love us.
Our understanding of love becomes a solipsistic pretence, where we think love is only about our own beliefs and feelings, about finding the universal, accessing the transcendent, attaining Nirvāṇa, getting the hottest wife, possessing the perfection of having a soul mate, etc., rather than any person we care about. The selfish desire to have a perfect idea or belief overpowers concern for the people and world around us.