How do I find my purpose for life? Once upon a time, there was a silly young girl who didn't know what the purpose of her life was. She thought about it all the time, but nothing occurred to her. She was, you see, very empty headed and there was little between her ears.
One day a mysterious stranger walked past the dreary little trailer park where the silly young girl lived. The foolish young thing happened to be standing by the pothole-filled road, waiting for the postman to deliver her mother's welfare check. The mysterious stranger looked her in the eye and said, "You, stupid girl, don't have the vaguest notion of what your purpose in life is, do you."
The silly, foolish, stupid, young girl opened her mouth and said, "Golly, gee, mister. I sure don't. I don't know shit from shine ola, as a matter of fact. Everybody says so."
"Just as I suspected." the slightly menacing mysterious male stranger said. "I will give you the means for you to discover what your purposes in life is," he said. With that, he whipped out a box that was 8 1/2 inches wide and 11 inches long. He thrust the box into her hands (she was quite taken aback by this sudden action) and said, "Follow the directions inside and you shall find your purpose in life."
And then he disappeared into thin air.
Eventually the postman finally arrived with her mother's welfare check--quite a bit later than usual. She asked him, "Where have you been, Mr. Postman; you were supposed to be here an hour and a half ago." He narrowed his eyes at her and said, "You wouldn't believe the weather I've been through today -- howling winds, darkness of night, hail, snow, rain. It's a miracle I got here at all, you little twit." He handed her a letter which had WELFARE DEPARTMENT printed on it. She took the letter to her mother dear who opened it, read it, read it again, read it a third time, then fainted. The silly, foolish, stupid, young twit of a girl picked up the letter and was sore distressed to read: "You are cut off welfare forever. Donald Trump needs the cash."
While she was waiting for her mother to recover from the shock of being kicked off the dole, it occurred to her that her mother dear had been on welfare for a long time. So had her grandmother, great grandmother, and great great grandmother. "Hmmm," she thought, "looks like the culture of poverty is going to get more interesting pretty quick."
Then she remembered the box the slightly menacing mysterious male disappearing stranger had given her. She went to her depressing little bedroom in the squalid trailer and closed the door. In the box she discovered some blank paper and several cheap ink pens. A small pieces of paper was on top of the paper. "DIRECTIONS" It said.
"Write down everything that you think could be a purpose for your life. Keep doing this. someday I'll return for you."
So she did.
The End.
The moral of the story is that it's up to you to decide what your purpose in life is.