So it's not a date until you have sex? What was it before the moment of penetration? Just a friendly encounter? — Hanover
In a Venn diagram, dating is the intersection between the friendship circle, and the relationship/marriage circle. — Agustino
True, but some things can be determined to be wrong. In this case promiscuity can be determined to be deleterious, both to the participants themselves, as well as to the society at large. If you would like I can provide a detailed argument for why this is so (I have just recently in fact provided the argument but only for social damage in a response to BC on the other forum http://forums.philosophyforums.com/comments.php?id=74551&findpost=1368094#post1368094My point is that there is enough variation in acceptable behavior that someone doesn't have to model themselves after you in order to be normal. — Hanover
My ideas of virtue and righteousness are based on real life. In fact most people on Earth share those values by and large - if not in practice, then at least as an ideal.I'd also say that your views seem to be based upon intellectual notions of virtue and righteousness as opposed to any real life analysis. — Hanover
Yes but claiming that emotionally based behavior cannot be critiqued, and that right and wrong cannot be determined in emotionally based behavior is simply not true. Beating up your brother because he stole the keys to your car may be an emotionally based behavior, but that doesn't excuse it from being criticized, and being analyzed to determine whether it is right or wrong. Same for promiscuous sex.We are talking about human behaviors and relationships which are inherently emotionally based, which means that any analysis that simply declares a behavior inappropriate based upon some logical reason will be incomplete (and really naïve sounding). — Hanover
This was addressed before in this current post.Of course, they really never "dated" because they didn't have sex before they were married. — Hanover
No it's not like this at all. It's about an activity that is bringing you some harm, and yet you refuse to perceive the harm. Just like taking drugs does harm to a drug addict, and yet they often fail to perceive the harm, and overly emphasize the good feelings they get from it.Sort of like telling me that I really didn't enjoy that glass of wine because I didn't comprehend the nuances of a glass of wine well drunk, despite my assurances that I did. We're now into refined fucking that only the sophisticated can truly appreciate I guess. — Hanover
Ok, I agree to this by and large. However, I disagree that screwing my best friend will necessarily change our relationship, anymore than taking her on a fantastic boat ride would - it depends on the expectations which each has. There's many shared experiences which can change a relationship, and sex is just one of them.Your other comment here is striking for how incorrect it is. Sex can dramatically change a relationship, either improving it by bringing the people closer together or by destroying a friendship. If you don't believe me, go screw your best friend and see if everything is the same the next morning. The point being that sex is an important component of a relationship, but obviously one of many. — Hanover
I think I said this in my very first post, sorry if this wasn't clear enough.Your references to celibacy conjure thoughts of lifelong abstinence for spiritual reasons, but then you go on to say that really you're only advocating abstinence before marriage — Hanover
Dating without sex doesn't seem to make much sense. I would just call that a form of friendship, albeit different than what is usually understood by friendship. And yes, by marriage I mean a strong committed relationship, not necessarily something approved of by a priest. I do think that friendship comes first, dating is merely a transition from just friendship, to something more. In a Venn diagram, dating is the intersection between the friendship circle, and the relationship/marriage circle.I'm not sure why celibates who are just waiting for marriage cannot have meaningful friendships or even romantic non-sexual relationships. Those who preach abstinence do not mean that you can't date anyone. They just don't want you to have sex until marriage. — Hanover
I'm afraid this doesn't follow. A drug addict may happily go his way and ignore my advice, but that is not an argument against my advice being useful. My advice is useful if he had only listened to it. Arguments against my advice being useful are intellectual, his not being helped by my advice is a problem of will; he makes a free choice to ignore it.I don't favor promiscuity, but your simple declaration that those who are out looking for meaningless sex are somehow flawed is nothing but a moral judgment by you as to what sex ought to represent to people. There are those who don't live by that standard and go happily on their way, which simply means that your advice may not be useful to a segment of the population. — Hanover
Well perhaps they should think about it themselves, and ponder it carefully, and see afterwards if in fact they do not come to this same conclusion.I can only imagine the surprise of those who thought they were truly enjoying sex, but are now learning they weren't. — Hanover
You understand what I meant though - of course there are "socially acceptable" (read, effective) ways of sprinting up to them and asking for sexual release, obviously not directly.It's not shameful as much as it might be embarrassing and futile. Although I am far from being one to offer advice on how to score with the ladies, sprinting up to them asking for sexual release might not be effective. — Hanover
They are getting symptom relief — Bitter Crank
Yes I agree that there's not that many, that's why I stated that most people aren't like this. Of course then there's the danger of falling to the other side - some people, despite having someone nearby who is a good match for them, refuse to engage in any sexual behaviour. That is a different fear, a fear of commitment, intimacy, dependence; a fear of being open and truly relating to the other person, a fear of loss of autonomy. This is a symptom of too much self-concern, and too much self-love; narcissism; or again, a fear of inadequacy, and a fear of vulnerability. There's also the people who only want sex with strangers - presumably also this latter fear of vulnerability, combined with a fear of responsibility. But a strong man is neither of those two extremes, but a balanced middle. He will not be afraid to pounce, but only if the circumstances are right.I've come across people with some quite odd preferences, people whose impulse control was somewhat deficient, criminal predators, petty crooks, hustlers, prostitutes, guys that spent too much time thinking about sex, people who spent way too much time in bars drinking, and so on -- but maybe only three hypersexuals since 1968. There just aren't that many people out there who have THAT MUCH sex. They wish, but no. — Bitter Crank
Really? It doesn't strike me as neurotic at all. (We seem not to look at the world in the same way.) — Bitter Crank
I didn't argue we are complete islands. On the contrary, we should relate to each other as much as possible given that we do this rightly - virtuously. But this relating should not be at the loss of our dignity. Depending on someone for sexual needs is a loss of dignity, unless one has a medical condition preventing this from being otherwise. This doesn't mean that one shouldn't have sex - it means that one should be able to live without it if they must. Likewise, if someone depends on others for their food, this is a loss of dignity, unless they have a medical problem (for example a handicap), they are children and cannot work, they are too old to work, or otherwise there is some other external force preventing them from working. It is shameful, contrary to the nature of each person which is to fulfill their potential for freedom.Humans are obligate interpersonal actors. We have no choice but to interact with others to survive, to be nurtured, to be taught, to learn, to explore, to give, receive, to love, to have sex that is more than masturbation. We are not complete isolates unto ourselves. We are porous, and into and out of us flows all the interactions that make up a life. — Bitter Crank
I think the Roman Catholic priesthood is a an excellent demonstration of how toxic celibacy can be — Bitter Crank
This sounds quite neurotic. Life is much richer than mere sexual experience, and a man who has experienced sex and nothing else has missed a lot of life. Furthermore, sex should not be a means for validation and self-worth. At least it's not in a person who is well balanced. Why would any rational person seek validation in something that is, in the end, at the mercy of other people? One would have to be a fool - a perpetual slave to other people, in order to get what (s)he needs.There are few avenues of validation more satisfying than the sexual. — Bitter Crank
Sex is not a validation or an affirmation. Again, this is a neurotic point of view. We start from the assumption that someone needs validation to begin with, and second of all that such validation should be obtained from sex. This is questionable on multiple grounds. First, someone should not need external validation. Secondly, validation obtained from goods which cannot be obtained without the approval and assent of others is a form of slavery to the giver of goods. Not something desirable.regular validation and affirmation — Bitter Crank
That's not what most sex addicts describe. They describe feeling quite empty after the act.It's not just "getting off". — Bitter Crank
If one needs sex to affirm one's sense of self-worth then that person is to be pitied, for they shall suffer much. This sounds more like a nymphomaniac than a normal, well-balanced person. You should perhaps be aware that nymphomania is classed as a psychological illness, which is to be treated - not something to be desired. Nymphomaniacs are addicted to sex as they get their sense of self-worth from it.Good sex, whether in a long term relationship or with a stranger whose first name one knows not, and whom one will probably never see again, is affirming to one's sense of personal self-worth — Bitter Crank
Indeed I agree. But at the same time I think the accountant would be better off being celibate until he can find a stable partner, who fits him in intellectual capabilities, virtue and values than engage in casual sex with strangers. Better as this gives him the opportunity to develop self control, build a self-worth that is not dependent on other people (sex means other people), learn how to live alone, and explore, understand and develop himself much more. In fact, in most places around the world, people try to live like this, and those that can't, at least aspire to live so.But just going about an ordinaryl life, but deciding to practice celibacy, just doesn't make sense to me. What would an accountant working for General motors and living in suburban Detroit, who doesn't belong to any organizations except GM, get out of deciding to never have sex again? A promotion? I don't see why that would happen. New friends? I guess the celibacy support group might be a friend-finding opportunity. — Bitter Crank
It's not suggesting that, it's suggesting that people should work on improving themselves so that most marriages stop being disastrous (50% divorce rate in US, don't forget ;) ).This strikes me as utter nonsense, to suggest that because most marriages are imperfect, we should all live in chastity. — Hanover
A relationship cannot be improved by not having sex. If the relationship isn't good, then it's not good, full stop. And it's not good because of character defects (in one or both partners), not because of the presence or lack of sex.The truth is that all relationships (sexual or not) are imperfect. If I'm already not having sex with all my friends, what do I do to improve those relationships if the panacea is to stop having sex with them? I'm already taking a healthy dose of the don't-fuck-my-friends medicine, so why do I still have occasional tiffs with them? — Hanover
Celibacy is developing the inner strength to: 1. refuse to take that which isn't worth your time (refuse to engage in sexual relationships with people who will hurt themselves and hurt you), and 2. learn to live alone (because sometimes in life you may actually have to), and 3. learn to be patient and wait so that you may catch gold. Simple. And it's not my philosophy, it's the philosophy that has existed for reasonable men and women since Aristotle. A diamond cannot be found without patience, perseverance, learning to say no, and temperance and prudence. All of the former are virtues.I wonder as I read these posts if there is some rationalization going on here. Do you guys really think that celibacy is the cure to your various physical and emotional challenges or is that just a comforting thing to tell yourself because you aren't getting laid? — Hanover
I don't know if it necessarily follows. First, many priests do, for example, release sexual tension via masturbation. Also I'm not sure if it's the abstinence from sexual intercourse that leads to better health, or RATHER the avoidance of the many conflicts and stress that often result from sexual relationships. My hypothesis is that a strong relationship, when both partners care deeply about each other, are loyal and faithful, are of similar intellectual capabilities, etc. is the best for one's health. But, such a relationship is exceedingly rare. So the next best alternative would be celibacy. But naturally - it follows from all this that one should cultivate the ability to be celibate.I don't know about that. It seems to me that Catholic priests and monks, Buddhist monks, and Hindu ascetics are pretty fit, free of many illnesses common to the general public, and usually live extremely long lives. So it seems rather a boon than a detriment to one's health. — Thorongil
I disagree, it is perfectly reasonable, since all known human experience is of a world overwhelmingly invariant, to expect the future to be along more or less similar lines to the past; the sun will most likely continue to rise in the morning, species will continue to become extinct, people will continue to live, on average between 70 and 90 years ( or their lifespans may continue to increase if the understanding of factors affecting human health continues to increase) and people will continue to be born and die unless there is some devastating event, and so on. — John
So, the total for oil would be 13.3%, which would put it in second place. And then there is the issue of trends in consumption. The demand for oil might be expected to rise faster than the demand for coal in coming decades unless substitutes are found and promoted, I surmise (though I am not very knowledgeable about that). — Pierre-Normand
The demand for oil might be expected to rise faster than the demand for coal in coming decades unless substitutes are found and promoted, I surmise (though I am not very knowledgeable about that). — Pierre-Normand
Yes, if by traditional philosophy you understand the philosophy which gives reason an undue priority in the world, and makes an arbiter out of it.Is traditional philosophy bullshit? — darthbarracuda
They don't always get away with it. Sometimes they get away with it, just like sometimes good people suffer. I think the suffering of good people is exacerbated in our age because mercy triumphs over justice too much - in other words, one is seen as being morally deficient if justice (punishing wrong-doing) becomes more important than forgiveness. This I think is wrong - there is no shame in strength, justice and power if they are used for good causes, and justice is a good cause. It is only those morally deficient people, who desire to do evil and hurt others, and who don't want their victims to have means of defence and retaliation, that promote forgiveness. For them, they want forgiveness to be a universal law, because they want to be forgiven - allowed to get away with doing evil.that people commit crimes, hurt other people, kill (or worse), and they get away with it. They pay no price. Instead, they prosper from it. They become more powerful and insulated. — Mongrel
Yes. Violence and power can be used for good purposes. Beating up a bully is a good thing - and yes - it works. Hobbes was right.Isn't this why parents teach their sons to belt the playground bully right in the nose? Because they know it works this way. — Mongrel
Yes it is in keeping with the way I've always seen the world. It doesn't conflict with my view. I do not tuck it away and ignore it. I seek to develop the strength and power required to defend myself and others I care about.If it has come home to you that this is true, what sense do you make of it? Is it in keeping with the way you've always seen the world? Or does it conflict with your habitual view? If so, do you make changes to your outlook? Or do you tuck it away and ignore it? — Mongrel
It is pointless to ask a question whose answer and explication necessitates and presupposes that which you put into question. "Why am I conscious?" is a proxy for "why do I exist?" - but the question puts into question your very existence - but it is precisely this very existence which the supposed answer demands. So you are bound to cause an antinomy in asking the question - you come to the limits of language.Why am I conscious? — Mongrel
Consider that if pleasure is the only intrinsic good, as the hedonist claims, and one does not feel pleasure in the desire for the good, as the article claims is possible, then the hedonist is contradictorily obliged to abandon his desire and pursuit of the good — Thorongil
Someone being interested in doing so is not a reason for them to happen. — TheWillowOfDarkness
