Nonreligious asceticism? I saw Campbell say that myths are mirrors for the ego, that tell us where we are in life. I like that a lot, probably because of whom I've identified with throughout life. I live a quiet contemplative life, and tend to pursue mental and physical perfection. Have I got something to prove? Probably. Am I just narcissistic? That one seems quit plausible, until I look at how I actually live, and treat others. In my experience, the real narcissists use other people, lie a lot, and just have thing inner sense that they're more valuable, and are entitled to more. That people should pay them to be around, and wait on them hand and foot. I am more like a co-dependent. I get a job, and then corner production, and let some narcissist take all of the credit. They tend to be the thieves and liars. and users of others. I've done that like four or five times now...
They do all of the dealing with people, and taking all of the credit, and I just get to be left alone, and do all of the work. I always grow to resent them though, and expect them to treat me like an equal when they are never the kind of person that can ever do that. They're always manipulative, and think that this makes them smarter than others. I'm used to this kind of person because of the family I come from, so I don't find them particularly objectionable until they've crossed my ego enough times.
Last year, I had become the most senior person even there, and although I don't like telling people want to do, and I let people get away with a lot, while I'm happy to just do everything, but people tend to respect me. Art of work shit. They won't respect people that do less and get more benefits, you have to justify those extra benefits to them by doing more, so usually the other workers work hard with me, I'm really nice and full of praise when they do good, and express my feelings when they fuck up just as clearly. Because I treat everyone as an equal, and am just in my assessments, when the real bosses show up, they're useless, in the way, talk at you making you get nothing done forever, and treat everyone like scum, and idiots. This is the reason why I left. The passive aggression, and just complete destruction of the atmosphere when they showed up, and buddy paying me less, sending me a list of his bills, wishing to compare them with mine, justifying it by trying to afford to buy a third house, right close to me to want to climb right inside my ass... I was like fuck you, but not become telling him that I knew every lie he told me, and everything he was up to, and every scheme he pulls, and he never got anything by me.
Last year I was getting weed from one of the employees, and I always like to pay back grossly more than I get, so I was letting him scheme his way to the top, and do less, and make more, but he was out to destroy me, and was telling lies about me, saying he was doing everything behind my back and I was only working like that with them around, so I was like prove it then! Anyone can say anything, they can't do anything, I'm three of you at your best. You can't just push yourself for a day an match me, having been pushing myself everyday for years, I'm three of you! So I went home, and it took them three days to do a house that would have taken us six hours with me there. So they he stayed home and I did a similar house in seven hours. I underestimated myself, and was more than three of him.
I left out of spite to fuck them, because I wasn't going to be treated that way any longer, they won't be making nearly as much, because they won't be able to come close to matching that production without me, or five guys to replace me.
I do hate dealing with people though, and still need to find a job, I just have to make sure that I don't get wrapped up in the same bullshit for like the sixth time... yeah... what was this thread about again?