Heterosexuality = patriarchal subordination is a plank in the platform of constructionism. The equivalence supposes that natural processes operating over many, many millions of years have nothing to do with us. The hateful feminists who spout this nonsense think heterosexuality is a plot hatched in the halls of wicked patriarchal capitalist, imperialist, sexist, racist males. — Bitter Crank
No, I don't think this is true. I mean, there
are hateful feminists, no doubt about that. But I don't think most are that hateful. And I don't think patriarchy is some scheme conjured up by the powers-that-be, behind closed doors in shadowy rooms with poor lighting.
Oppression of women is not merely sociological but
biological. All you people saying heterosexuality is "just" how the human species perpetuates itself are ignoring the details of what heterosexuality entails: how the chief alpha male of the apes gets a harem of females, how many males of species rape females to procreate, how historically women have been chattel of men and were traded and used not as people but as property, etc.
It's naive and ahistorical to think we can look on heterosexual relationships without any of this historical baggage. I never said that heterosexuality
just is oppression by the patriarchy; I said that heterosexuality is
inherently related to patriarchal oppression. That doesn't mean there can't be some heterosexual relationships that are healthy and good.
But then there's also some who have tried to undermine my credibility by declaring that what I see to be common elements of heterosexual relationships, or just sexual relationships in general, is idiosyncratic. Well, you can
say that, but why not give examples of what a healthy sexual relationship looks like?
Look, I am still relatively young, I do not have all this experience that older folk here may have. I also happen to have a low libido that makes me basically asexual. I have never had sex nor do I particularly have the need or desire to. I believe I see sex in a different way than most people do and this may be influenced by my lack of sex drive. Sex seems clumsy, awkward and particularly unsanitary. But it also seems, to me, to be very unsettling at times. This is especially apparent in pornography. Now you may say that pornography is fiction and not indicative of real sex - yet if this is true, then why do people watch porn? Why is porn so popular?
It is as if, during the act of sex, morality sort of goes out the window. Morality is suspended, at least partly. To me, it seems like if people did not have sex drives, sex would seem strange and even wrong.
And yet I do ask for consent before I walk into your house, drive your car, remove your earrings from your ear, or play with your tongue, So we've now established that some things require consent and others don't. Typically we require consent when we seek to use something that belongs to someone else, which would include anything from your ballpoint pen to your vagina. — Hanover
There is a new culture surrounding sex that puts consent as the sine qua non of acceptable sex. I have been told by the authorities that "consent is sexy" (does that imply that if it
weren't sexy, it wouldn't matter....?). Yet just because someone consents to something doesn't mean it's okay. Someone can consent to having all their money stolen at gunpoint - that is not true consent, that is coerced consent.
And so in sex, consent can be washed up in coercion. A woman, for instance, may feel pressured to consent to avoid a sour relationship with a man. She may consent because she feels compelled to by the culture she was raised in. A man may consent because he feels to do otherwise would be an indication of not being a man (in our culture, it seems as though men
must want sex - or they are not a man).
My point is that just because someone consents does not mean it is genuine. And just because someone has a preference for something (such as a kink) does not mean this preference can't be criticized. Preferences don't just appear out of the blue. There's a background from where they develop. This is why, for example, I'm critical of BDSM.