Let's take another brief look at what you have said, this time quoting your paragraphs:
Is my being OK with the non-existence an illusion? Perhaps. I express it as certainly/passionately as I do anything else. The difficulty is not in accepting that they don't exist, but in non-attachment to their non-existence. That they exist is important to me even if I know that they do not. Where would I be if I acted as if nothing existed in the same way that I acted as if things do exist? I cannot say, but I haven't tried and feel pretty committed to not doing so. Sometimes I come closer to moving towards the stillness, but somehow that movement strikes me as self-defeating. — Ennui Elucidator
It seems,
the difficulty is not in a theoretical intellectual acceptance of non-existence, but
in having non-attachment to our so called existence. This is easily observed in our natural clinging to life, and to all it offers/means. Therefore in order to investigate non-existence, one has to investigate into the nature of death. What it meas to die, and if it possible to die ( i.e.cease to exist) while one is alive.
The underlined parts where you are concerned about acting/action, i have already touched upon in previous post. This is a misplaced concern stemming from incomplete investigation, or as you say, simply
"a gesturing in that direction". Sorry, and i think you will agree, but clarity surely needs more than a cursory gesturing.
My assertion that the self strikes me as fundamental was rejected by unenlightened, — Ennui Elucidator
The self' may "strike" as being fundamental, but are we looking for a confirmation to everything that "strikes" us, or inquiring into the truth of the matter? It is definitely comforting to believe in a fundamental self....a privileged place to lean on, or as you say
there I am occupying a seemingly privileged place of focus. The verbs of self-orientation always refer back to me as if there is some thing there doing the verby action — Ennui Elucidator
or, when you say
it is the omnipresent subject that "I" cannot help but drag into every construction. — Ennui Elucidator
Sure. This is not only comforting but also matches our experience. If you accept this then you cannot reject accountability of what is happening in the world, around your vicinity as well as far away. One self will fight another self in every possible way at all possible levels. I think unenlightened is also saying the same thing in his recent post.
My assertion that the self strikes me as fundamental was rejected by unenlightened, — Ennui Elucidator
Well, since you have mentioned Vedanta we can look into what they might say.They may ask, what self is fundamental? Is it the self with name, form, attributes, memory, experiences engaged with the objective world? Or is it the dreamer self n the dream world? Is the objective self of name, form, attributes present in deep sleep? So, a self that comes and goes, rises and sets, is conscious and unconscious, can be manipulated by drugs (medical or recreational), is affected by moods, is affected by the environment, can it be called a fundamental self?
One may point out, keep in mind we aren't even taking into account he frailties of this so called fundamental self in its "waking" hours. Furthermore, if we simply take what "strikes" us to be true, then what are really seeking? A confirmation? One would have thought the lover of wisdom would want to find out what is true per se, irrespective of whether it "strikes" or not. If one is content with what "strikes" to be true, then fine. Problems end. The story ought to end there. Does it?
But that is what I am trying to flesh out here - besides the nothingness that comes along with not-being, can we find something in not-being that informs us now? If we can't even act as if we don't exist, what am I searching for when I reach out to touch what is not there? — Ennui Elucidator
My 2 cents is, one shouldn't be "reaching out" to any belief. Whether it is the belief in a self or the non-self. Staying away from words like "nothingness", "stillness", "enlightened" is best, if one hasn't inquired deeper than a mere cursory gesturing.Otherwise one is simply adding to the bundle of ideas one is already carrying.