I want to reframe this discussion somewhat because you a missing a key element: its the values and ideas which are the problem. They are the threat and opposition.
Scruton trying to teach us woman are just objects for their husband, Pagila suggesting someone could only have been raped if it was reported within a certain time period, Jones, well, being Jones. In any of these cases, the problem is how they understand the world and others, such that it is devaluing them and producing a culture which will harm them.
We cannot approach or rebuke them without going for the throat. In any case, Nothing of these positions can be taken. There is nothing to agree or comprise on. These values and ideas constitute an immoral understanding of others. They tell falsehoods about people, they form to abusive cultures about people. To be sexist, etc. occurs within our ideas themselves, not just in our other actions or intentions towards others.
When we talk about oppression, devaluing, dismissal, etc. we are speaking about an objective social relation. A whole set of relations of how people understand each other and are affected within a social context. In exactly the same way that, for example, believing the Earth is flat is both a factual and ethical problem for those trying to describe the Earth, these ideas are a problem for the formation of diverse (i.e. a society in which people of different racial, ethnic, gender, sexuality, etc. groups are respected as equal) and ethical society.
Everyone is in the same position as any scientist when it comes to talking about this need. We can’t avoid telling of the particular truth in question and how positions which reject it are gravely mistaken. No-one cannot get up and say: “Well, Pagilia didn’t really do anything wrong. What she did is not really a problem because X,Y, Z…” It’s an
objective fact her comments, regardless of anything else she might have said or intended, devalue rape victims and suggest the falsehood that elapsed time/not reporting to the police is a good reasons to dismiss an account of rape.
Many people trying to take a “centre” position don’t seem to understand this about the political discourses in question. They keep supposing agreement between political sides is the goal. But it was never the goal.
Indeed, the exact opposite is true: the whole problem is ideas integral to these politics violate ethics and objective description of society. We need to abandon them.
Now don’t get me wrong, none of the above means there are no issues with responses. Someone having unethical ideas or even being some kind of political threat doesn’t mean we get kill them, lock them up or even get to deny them a platform in certain ways. If we were, for example, deplatforming anyone with those ideas, there is no way the Republicatian Party in the US could put on a proper campaign. There are many ways we might take issue with our response to unethical ideas.
In a capitalist society, for example, having a job is critical to people’s lives. Should we fire someone just for having an unethical idea or falsehood? Maybe in certain contexts, such as leader, teachers of ethics, representatives of ethical organisations, when people continue to be disrespectful or abusive towards staff, customers, etc., but it’s extremely dubious just in terms of an idea.
Trouble is that opponents hardly talk ever in these terms. They don’t go, “Yes, they were sexist then, but our response shouldn’t be this because XYZ.” In almost every case, the opposition move is to deny the objective social and ethical observation made about the position— just as you did in our discussion about Scruton— rather than take issue with how people respond to it.