You're just too irritable, probably bilious. You have a lot of anger, and maybe you're really angry at women. You probably hate feminism; it probably makes you really angry.
But I don't really believe that you're angry about these things; there's something else, underneath, that governs your anger and cruelty. You could have asked me a question at any time, and I would have been glad to clarify. But if I'm correct and you hate women--or you just hate me specifically--, then there's absolutely nothing that I can say.
All I want to do here is dialogue with people, have my ways of thinking transformed and influenced by the brilliant thoughts of others. This isn't graduate school anymore; this isn't a job where people treat you like shit; this isn't the family in which you were perhaps treated like shit. So it's all you know: how to hate and try to get others to hate you.
I refuse to hate you; as a matter of fact, you no longer have my pity. You have my compassion and you even still have my desire to dialogue with you.
One final thing that needs clarification, because I can see that you are correct and some of what I posted wasn't clear at all: I think I've sketched my current feelings and perceptions of what God could be, and I agree with what Poetic Universe has written as well.
What I didn't explain is that part about what goes on with humans, which isn't about God, but about human behavior and psychology. When people express a lot of anger and hostility, it's like an addiction, and it gets worse and they need more and more anger and hostility. One of the many biblical stories like it is the Israelites making the calf of gold as soon as Moses trundled up the mountain. There are all of these things that can take me away from love, which I really like to practice with others, and they are all false idols which, in the past, have alienated me from myself, from authentic relationships with other people and from Everything (i.e., God).
When I've been mean to others, it's like a loss of soul, a process of dehumanization and a concurrent ability to dehumanize others. Then I'm a bit demonic. On one end of the spectrum, you get psychopaths like Dahmer, and towards the other end, you get, for example, professors and parents who take pleasure in demeaning and belittling the people over whom they have power. I've been teaching college students since the end of the 70s, and while I've lost my temper and my patience many times, I was never one of those professors who took pleasure from putting down grads or undergrads. I've always been appalled by that type of bullying.
This is my definition of human evil (in a nutshell, I could expand, but not here): the desire to inflict harm and suffering on others; the derivation of pleasure or a sense of satisfaction from such behavior. I could go on, but this is long enough. Talk to me, S.