My psychological torture and constant harassment
Hey Noah Te Stroete,
It's good that you're comfortable in sharing these life experiences and details. I'm a bit of a misanthrope, so your story is a quasi confirmation bias to my sentiment. Anyway, this thread is about you so I will try and help out as I can. It seems to me that you still have persistent paranoia despite taking some pretty heavy meds. I'm on Zyprexa, which is the most sedating of all the anti-psychotics out there; but, whatever works, right?
I suggest that if you still believe the government is out to get you or that your former employers are making stories to get you to kill yourself and all that crap, to try the most effective anti-psychotic out there, being Clozapine. I'm considering getting on it if I psychiatrist is willing to despite the side effects like agranulocytosis.
You sound like a tough guy who is handling his shit well. Have you started going to psychotherapy or such?
Now I am on disability for schizoaffective disorder bipolar type. I am trying to relax and not get too high or too low, but the harassment, spying, and stalking continues to this day. — Noah Te Stroete
Yeah, so give the Clozapine a whirl. If it doesn't work, then there's nothing more you can do, in my opinion.
I don’t know how to handle people anymore (if I ever did), and I thought I’d give this synopsis of my adulthood troubles in order to perhaps get some insight from the intelligent folk here at TPF. — Noah Te Stroete
Neither do I. I don't understand people, and I think philosophy is some form of coping mechanism for me. Just the other day I was at Subway, and undecided what kind of sandwich I wanted. I offered my place in line to an African-American postal worker, who for some reason took it the wrong way and called me a Neo-Nazi and suicide bomber as she left the store. Maybe my blood plasma levels of Zyprexa were low or she really meant what she said. African-Americans can be quite finicky. I'm on disability too, and you have to look on the bright side of being on it. First, it's free money. Second, it allows you time to think or (in my case) philosophize with my abundant spare time. Third, it's not that small of sum of money. I mean, in my case it's almost 1k a month. If you don't care about money it can be something extraordinary to live in the USA and derive such benefits.
I live with my mother, because she's the only person I trust and cares about me. My attitude as of late is gratitude, so I try and count my blessings. Are you into supplements? Bacopa Monnieri is cheap and combines well with antipsychotic medication. It is also a nootropic, which means you have better attention and keeps your mood in check. It also is pretty sedating the first time around when you take it so you might want to take it as a sleep aid.
Anyway, best regards.