In/sanity I always expect that everyone will eventually discover what a dick I am, or I feel phony, or like I'm tricking them if they think I'm anything other than a shit... lol. — Wosret
I feel that way too, but I also get this edgy feeling if somebody likes me... like I have something to lose now. One thing that gives me some peace and gets me out of my head is to give people the freedom to think whatever they want... even if it means they'll kill me and dump my body in a ditch somewhere.
One thing that's been coming home lately has to do with my looks. I'm not as good-looking as I used to be because I'm getting older. Every now and then it comes to me how immersed in fear I've been most of my life related to being a nice looking female. At the time, it was just life, but I get these waves of grief and pity for the person I once was... to just be living everyday wondering who in the environment wants to rape me, kill me, and dump my body in a ditch somewhere. Actually, it helps just saying it to somebody else.
Maybe you could talk about the weather to that girl, and ask her for her number or to get some coffee. Do you drink coffee?