I have "me" and "myself" on the ropes — universeness
I am a little sad to read this. Whenever I try to to operate on myself, to judge myself or force myself to do or to stop doing or feeling something, what is happening is a fragmentation of the person, and the provoking of conflict. It is counter-productive. Please, you have told us that you are a boxing match, a violent damaging sport; ring the bell for the end of the last round, and call it a draw.
I have told this story before here, but...
I was a smoker from the age of 11 until my 60's. Many times i tried to stop and managed once for 6 months, but always fell back. Always there was this conflict: 'I want to stop smoking' but 'I want a cigarette.' and the more I forced myself not to smoke, the more I felt I deserved the reward of a cigarette. And the more I had a cigarette the more I condemned myself as a weak-willed foolish self-indulgent person.
This went on until I had an insight. I have described the situation as though from the outside, but when I say 'insight' I mean an understanding that is not separate from what is understood. I understood the conflict as a whole, and
from within. And in the moment of that understanding, there was a change without effort; if I want to smoke, I do not want to not smoke, and vice versa. And from that moment, I have not wanted a cigarette, ever, at all. It is finished.
Of course one cannot force oneself to have such an insight that ends the conflict, gritting one's teeth and urging oneself on does not help, and nor does fighting oneself - even as one wins, one loses. It is a matter of looking without judgement, of looking at oneself without separating oneself between what is seeing and what is seen.
On the outside, the world can be worked on, improved perhaps, cleaned and tidied and so on, but working inwardly does not make sense; insight and understanding is what can heal and transform.