Well there is something I can do - turn him in to the police. But what would motivate me doing something about it? Jealousy. So clearly "not being able to control the situation" isn't a part of jealousy. It may very well be that the jealous person has ample ways to control the situation. But he would still feel jealous. In fact, even if I was a king or emperor, and John did that, I would still feel jealous. But I probably would be able to control the situation very well - send the police to get him, throw him in jail, and get back what was mine. — Agustino
That’s doesn’t resolve anything. Turning John into the police and getting your money back doesn’t take away his betrayal or your inability to control his action, so that the world turns out the way you consider yourself entitled to.
Jealous people often have ways to enact
power in a situation; they can report, kill, jail, etc.,etc. They relish doing so. What could be better than killing an adulterous wife? Or locking up that thieving John and throwing away the key? The world will make sense again once “payment” is made. Death and Hell: the twin illusion of sin resolved.
But it doesn’t work. No matter how much Death and Hell are brought to bear, it doesn’t bring back the world which is lost. Sin remains eternal. Nothing done to John can fix the world. It’s lost. You cannot have the world you want. Nothing will take away the wrong John has enacted. Your jealousy is a motivation of fantasy which does not take sin seriously. Not justified anger, concerned with identifying immorality and punishing it, but a desperation to remove the sin because you cannot stand a world which is less than perfect.
Maybe I would say that if I knew there was no chance to get it back. I would initially feel jealous in that case, but I would soon understand that there's nothing I can do about it, and the feeling would wane. — "Agustino
I mention it for an important reason. Since sin is eternal, we cannot do anything about it. The situation you describe here
applies to every instance of sin, regardless of what response is justified for the protection of the community or to improve the lives of victims.
In jealousy our motivation and expectation is askew. We mistakenly believe it’s about justice when it’s really the fantasy of a world where we didn’t lose.
Here you are wrong. It's a loss in one's capacity for intimacy (not complete loss, I didn't say that) but rather a decrease in it. It's like losing some functionality in your leg. You've lost it. If now you want to use that specific functionality to the same degree, you can't. — Agustino
This is what I mean about blaming her. So caught-up on the lost functionality of the past (past relationships), you insist it means new functionality (present relationship) is also lost. You are literally saying that because you don’t have a past relationship that you want (lost function), you cannot function in the present relationship.
Rather than concentrating on the function you do have (the new relationship) and it’s intimacy, your desire is still for the person of a past relationship. You really want your old function (past partner) because the new function (present partner) simply isn’t up to scratch.
No doubt this would harm intimacy, but that’s all on you. You are the one who wants your past girlfriend. The intimacy of your relationship is not harmed because you’ve had past partners. It’s harmed because what you really desire is your former girlfriend. You are not fully open to being intimate with the new person. You love your past girlfriend or the image of a relationship with her more than the woman in front of you.
You are only thinking of your desire for an exclusive relationship. This relationship is a two-way street. What you say about it's value reflects on her. She's not an island cut off from you have how significant you are to the relationship. What
you think about the relationship, how much you value it and her, matters. At the moment you are saying she is nothing but an inferior second choice.
Did I say not to be content with our present inferiority? — Agustino
Worse. You
enact it and
insist upon it, while leaving it unstated. Sure, you
say we must be content with inferiority, but you don't live that way. It's nothing but an image to you.
When it actually gets down to it, you cannot be content with loss. You constantly put out fantasies which are supposed to resolve it-- God, afterlives, jealousy driven acts of power, etc.,etc. In the face of a loss function (past relationship), you continue to hold a torch for it, unable to accept it and fully move on to a new function (a new relationship). At every turn you are trying to reject inferiority.