To transform the clutter in my mind into comprehensible written words, I will divide my contribution to this dialogue into several sections:

1. I am unusually impressed by what I read and feel much compatibility with the writers. I am older (77), well educated and well read, financially secure, and in comfortable surroundings with access to many things I enjoy. I am retired, forced into retirement by medical problems threatening to end my life, problems typical of someone my age, but problems that cannot and will not be resolved. My personal physician dropped the news on me in the fall of 2017 with the words, "You are retiring, and you are retiring today. Your mind is killing your body." Her meaning was that the work I was doing (forensic psychology) was too stressful for my heart, and she refused to allow me to complete the two court-ordered child custody evaluations I had before me. Statistics tell me I should expect to live about three or four more years, and I look forward to death. I am medicated and monitored for depression, but my colleagues--both from the community of lawyers and the community of mental health professionals--encourage me to live on and continue contributing. The only personal goal I have for myself is to die well, without violence.

2. Philosophically I categorize myself primarily as an pragmatic eclectic, shifting positions to solve the life problem I face. Epicurus is my anchor, and I strive for the best both for myself and the world around me. At the moment, in the face of my current objective issue, I have been borrowing much from existentialism, especially as described by Europeans. My image of my optimal self is that I am a creator, especially a creator of myself, and themes such as autonomy, freedom, and power are important. Edward, this same thread of creating yourself must be part of your philosophy because you describe yourself as turning yourself into a physical enthusiast first and a gamer second. Michael, you also show me a pattern of weaving your life fabric in the same way. You built a new world for yourself after a relationship crumbled.

3. Now it is time for me to make a contribution, to add a new element to the conversation. I need the absurd, the confusion, the crumble, the loss of interest to be able to create, especially to create myself. I do not view the dark pit of death (or the end of anything) with the negative eyes of a nihilist. For example, divorce or the end of a relationship I view as a natural end, an indication I have drained the relationship of all it can offer me, drained it of its life, of its worth. I admit it is painful, it is the destruction of a world, but it also frees me to create myself anew, to flex my power and build something that has not yet existed. Michael mentioned he used education as a tool to create his new world, and Edward must have educated himself into a physical enthusiast and gamer. In my personal journey, I have use education to move beyond poverty, isolation, and shame. Relying solely on my aged memory, I will point out that the English word "education" is rooted in the Latin verb meaning "to draw out of." All three of us have weathered transitions forcing us to find within ourselves new abilities and solve new problems. Because we have made the transitions, we have succeeded, we are winners, which means we can win again and again...just as long as we accept our ability to create out of confusion. In every instance of transition we have faced the question of how can we reconfigure the parts of our shattered selves and create new futures. For me now, the challenge is to transition into a life flippantly labeled as "leisure retirement" and accomplish the task of dying.

4. As a consequence of my investment in existentialism, I cannot bother myself with questions such as what would life be were I never to have been born. These are questions I will never be able to answer. The only reality is that I do exist, and for several decades the world has adapted--not always pleasantly--to my existence. I also personally abhor the question of whether and to what degree I have influenced another persons life. This may be an idiosyncratic quirk: I long for companions, but shun followers; I appreciate people who stand equal to me. If I have influenced anyone, including my children and grandchildren, I hope the influence brought them to autonomy and creativity.

5. To summarize, Edward, I hope you can bring yourself to see this moment as one of the few times in your life when you will be truly free. It is my opinion you, like all thinking Europeans, are living through an existentialist moment, not a nihilist moment. The next decision you make, the next interest you estimate to be deserving of the investment of your abilities, that decision will end your freedom and drive you along a path shaping the next phase of your life. The challenge for you from the existentialist line of thought is "Do you have the courage to create yourself yet again?"

I thank you all for the compliment of your attention. I welcome your reactions.