Free Will or an illusion and how this makes us feel. It's alright, I realise I can sometimes come across a bit vague.
In all honesty I feel like I am going through the motions of a well rehearsed play that I dont know the script to, a puppet on strings as it is. With that I feel as though I am unable to go against what could be my fate if thats the correct word, I may believe I can change my fate but in fact even that thought process and where it takes me will end at the same predetermined point. In the same way i'm struggling to find wrongdoers accountable as I once did, of course i still get that flash of anger when there are murderers and rapists etc. but instead now I feel pity more than anything, they are trapped to play out the role of villain and there was no escaping their fate even if they had wished they hadn't been dealt an unfortunate hand. For me it is incredibly difficult to put the rose tinted glasses back on without noticing the frames on said glasses, I laugh at a joke and feel bitter that I had no choice but to find it funny, I find myself angry at a wrongdoer and then a moment later find myself feeling pity for them because they cannot help it same way the person cannot help make the joke I laughed at. At the same with emotions like love, what would be the point in loving another human being if it came in the form of chains, you cannot prevent yourself from seeing them as beautiful or witty, suddenly you feel like some force is making you smile and making you love and the worst thing about it is that it's simply the way things are, it is part of being a self aware entity that comes to realise that free will doesn't or may not exist (you never know, could still be proven wrong). that is why i mentioned daniel dennets version of free will where if we pretend it does exist that we will see actions as though they are the product of a persons will and retain the ability to blame people and hold them accountable for said actions. Unfortunately for I cannot accept this version of a free will because it feels like i'd be burying my head in the sand, I feel uneasy of course about feeling compassion towards those who might harm myself or anyone else but I suppose that is part of the package i'm afraid.