you'll be no doubt aware of the overlaps with something like REBT — Isaac
I've always liked Ellis. Beyond the "ABC" I'm not aware of many other connections, at least consciously. It's been a long time since I've looked into it. I'm sure I've stolen from him somewhere in my post though.
We're often not aware of goals which are, nonetheless important to us. Eating is one example. It's really important that we eat enough, but when you get people to list their goals in your therapy sessions, how many list eating? — Isaac
True. Not many people will list breathing, either, but it's also vital for survival and often goes completely unnoticed. I've had a lot of discussions about diet and exercise, of course, but I take your point. However, my goal here is raising awareness of what one truly wants in life and, especially, in prioritizing those wants, with a view towards change. Simply living and being healthy is usually a big one, which would include eating -- which, it's true, is often taken for granted, especially in more affluent countries -- and especially eating well with the goal of having more energy, losing weight, etc. If there is no identifiable problem, then there's no need to formulate a goal -- you're already living it.
So getting people to focus on goals not being achieved is a great idea, but it would be good to include reference, in that process, to goals which one might simply think of as background, yet are not being achieved nonetheless. — Isaac
Sure, and I'd argue they're all in the background, in a sense, if one isn't aware of them. Here we can talk about habits of mind and body, for example -- mostly unconscious, but can be good or bad depending on what you want. Eating excessive amounts of sugar every day without really thinking about it, for example, may go completely unnoticed until there's a health crisis. How one relates to others -- perhaps never making eye contact or constantly interrupting -- can likewise create problems in one's life that one is completely unaware of.
For most people I talk to, it's not that they have no ideas about what they'd like to improve about themselves or their lives -- it's the lack of awareness about their actions and how these actions create the situation they want to improve in the first place. "I have no friends -- I want more friends," for example. In this case they've identified a problem, something they'd like to change. How aware are they of WHY they have no friends to begin with and how they contribute to it? Predictably, not very.
I could go on, but you see my point I think. It's very important to really stop and look at what you think, feel, and do. To formulate a plan for how to achieve what you want to change, it really helps to understand why the problem exists in the first place. In order to do so, you almost always need the help of others -- family, friends, teachers, religious leaders, therapists, anyone. So there's a social aspect to (A) as well. It's not simply a matter of meditating, for example. The blind spots we all have, that you rightfully point out, can only be illuminated with the aid of others. That's something I left out. But I digress.
Too often goal-oriented people neglect their role in helping others achieve their goals, and so miss an important (but perhaps, unexamined) goal of their own. — Isaac
Yes indeed.
Planning can often be dominated by the easy-to-predict and neglect the difficult-to-predict, simply because it's hard work and we tend to avoid hard work. — Isaac
Yes -- we certainly shouldn't be dogmatic or rigid with our plans. We don't want to become computers, running on algorithms. This is also something I neglected in my post. I only briefly mentioned Aristotle, but the ultimate goal should be to create habits -- i.e., to act in ways that are both desirable and unconscious. I think this can be achieved through theory and practice, at least at first, but in the end it should become second-nature. If it doesn't, it's unlikely to last. Imagine if we went through the same effort to drive, ride a bike, swim, tie our shoes, or type as we did when we were first learning every time we performed these activities? We'd be exhausted indeed.
Finally, lest my reply get longer than your OP, I'm assuming (perhaps incorrectly?) that this is a form of CBT - you work out what behaviours are required to achieve your goals and then carry them out. But there's no mention of challenging the beliefs that are currently in the way. I'm not going to explain what it means because I know you already know. I'm just interested if there's a reason you didn't mention it. — Isaac
Again, I'm sure I've stolen from some aspects of CBT. As a system of psychotherapy, it can be very effective with phobias and has a decent success rate with anxiety and depression. It's also the preferred method (or was 20 years ago) of insurance providers.
But in full disclosure, I've been far more influenced by -- and am (at least consciously) drawing more from -- three sources: Carl Rogers, MBSR (Jon Kabat Zinn) and Vipassana meditation, and existential psychotherapy (particularly Irvin Yalom). Otherwise, as I'm sure most people familiar with me on this forum knows, my philosophical thinking as been influenced very much by Aristotle and Heidegger.
I do think however that setting goals is a specific worldview and approach which not everyone relates to as the pragmatic common sense it is often understood to be. When I've worked with Aboriginal Australian clients, for instance, this seems to be the case. — Tom Storm
Sure -- this is just one framework. I'm by no means married to it.
What do Aboriginal clients have to say about personal growth/change?
you can't fail, you simply can't! — Agent Smith
Well I definitely don't want to give the impression that any of this is fool-proof or guarantees anything. I'm not a self-help guru. This is just one way of talking about change -- one of many.
self-criticism, criticism of your own path, should be an important part of a spiritual path. Without self-criticism there is no growth, no opening to different horizons and perspectives. — Angelo Cannata
Sure. I'd put it a little differently, using "awareness" rather than criticism. But yes, self-criticism and assessment is crucial.
As a former "Queen of Planning", I’ll just say be careful what you plan for. — ArielAssante
Surely. That's why what I label "A" is so important. We should make sure we have our priorities in order. Not an easy task.