shouldn't getting your life in order come before more philosophizing/reading/writing/lecturing? — Xtrix
Not if philosophizing/reading/writing/lecturing is what you are. In that case, your life might be in order. At least as far as we can, considering we are human.
I should whittle this down because I don't think I'm doing it justice, but I'm too lazy, so here's my stream of consciousness:
An Indian (American), speaking of his cultural traditions (I can't remember what tribe), told me "We are what others perceive us to be." I initially took umbrage. After all, it is normal for a Western European mentality like mine to think of ourselves, as individuals, as more than what we show the world; somehow deeper, more complex, profound, better, secret. "No one can tell me what am, damnit!"
On the other hand, there was something about the way he said it, and the context, that bespoke some wisdom that made me want to think deeper. There was some communal, tribal feel to his words.
Where I was saying "no one", he had used the word "others", which is plural. So I tried to parse that. To the extent a single person is perceiving me, I can find solace in knowing that, whether they are mistaken or correct, at least I still get to see myself as somehow more than what that one person perceives. Thus, if someone sees me as bad, then maybe that person is seeing something I am blind to. Or, if I admit that I am, indeed, and in part, bad, then the person is correct, but only to the extent of that part. I think I can live with that. Either way, the perception is part, not whole.
On the other hand, when I use the plural, where I am deemed to be an amalgamation of all the perceptions of all that perceives me, I must ask: What more can I be than what I show to all the world? If I am hiding something about myself, can I really say that what I am hiding is the real me? If I think that my thoughts somehow make me, secretly, some deeper being but I simply don't show that side of me to the world, then isn't that a form of denial?
It makes sense that I am only what I put out there. That does not mean that some individual person can't be wrong about me.
But here is where I think the genius of his tribal, or communal wisdom comes in:
To tell another person they are wrong about me is to tell them that they are not who they think they are, and they cannot trust their own perceptions. I, in a sense, steal their perception. I perceive them as wrong, and to that extent, they are. For my perceptions of them could likewise be entitled to respect. My perception of them is mine, and I perceive them as wrong.
The way to resolve differences, or come to an objective view of a truth (should I deem another person wrong), is not to steal their perceptions, but to offer them another view of me, or the situation.
Who am I to tell the person standing over there, looking back at me, that their eyes are wrong? Their ears are wrong? They are wrong? I am not over there looking back at me. I am here. I might think that entitles me to some greater authority about what is here, but I know it's hard to see myself without a mirror. Other people are that mirror. I may or may not like I see in the mirror, and I might even find the mirror to be flawed, But it is still what it is, like it or not. Maybe that's why I don't use mirrors much. Come to think of it, many a tribal people did not have mirrors, save the occasional still water. So, they served as each other's mirrors, and adjusted their actions and who they were accordingly. Hence the effective use of ostracization, where physical punishment was rarely needed; where virtue was made of necessity, and the respect for individuality, nuance, and choice.
Even if, from some clear and objective perspective, the mirror might be wrong, I don't smash the mirror, or steal it or hide it. It's not my mirror. If I don't like what it shows, then I don't have to look at it. If I think I am better than what I see, I stop perceiving myself in another person's perception of me. I don't look. I stop perceiving. I see how far that gets me. LOL!
The other person is either lying about what they perceive, they perceive it correctly, or they perceive it incorrectly, but they perceive it. I won't steal another's perception. I let them have it.
And if I want to change another's perception of me, I won't argue the point or try to steal their perception.
I will change what they see. But that is only if I care. If I don't care, then I'll do what I do anyway, and I'll be me. But part of my might be wanting to change their perception, if only to change my own perception of me. In that case, again, I will try to change.
I think we are all part of All, and we are All perceiving itself from every possible perspective, human, animal, plant, rock, whatever. Each has a perspective. I'll not try to steal that from All, lest I be perceived as a thief.