Talk to your wife.

I think yours is actually a very common one, from what you describe. The fact that we're leaving the next generation with such massive problems is scandalous. You're a living example of a wider problem, which is a kind of hopelessness and designed ignorance -- ignorance of the socioeconomic system we live in, which is not only capitalism but a specific type: neoliberal capitalism.

I think reaching out to others, even if online, is actually a good instinct. It's almost impossible to break through all of this on your own, especially when you have a full time job and family. I think the union idea is actually an excellent one -- pay attention to those who are trying to get you involved. You may not know exactly what you want to do, but jumping into things may open avenues which you didn't know existed.

whenever I think about where I wanted to be when I was a kid it makes me sad, because it's not here. I'm not doing what I want to do. I feel the world is passing me by and going to hell while I'm working my butt off just trying to pay the bills. I have $20,000 of student loans left after paying for 7 years and going to a public school. I have no ideas for a better job and not real interest, because it would mean I have to work even longer hours. — John McMannis

Hello. Your existential crisis is a very common experience. So, this is absolutely real and understandable.

First things first. Don't worry about student loan debt for now -- deal with your feelings one at a time. Student loan is the least of your worry (that's not an existential problem).

Sometimes, being with others messes you up even more, I'm sorry to say. Going it alone gives you that edge that you might not able to have in you if you're with someone. This works for certain people. Try to understand yourself and see if that's one of the reasons.

Second, have you tried being unemployed for a stretch of time? Reverse psychology might work with you. This is only for those who are really confident in themselves -- be unemployed for a while. Move to a cheaper apartment if you have to, or move back to parents. Your view about what you want might surface and provide you insight. You don't need passion to be gainfully employed -- but challenge yourself to learn a skill. (For the record, I left a cushy job to join a start-up - big difference. A lot of uncertainty).

Third, don't fight your feelings -- acknowledge it. Don't feel dejected either. Rest assured you're not alone. I know personally someone who after graduating from the world's number one university (so they say), held crappy jobs, and finally moved back to parents.

If you had kids now, you to a certain extent would be stuck where you are. Tough spot, man. Luckily, you do not. My advice is don't postpone a decision another ten years, because then you'll be like me...and this really sucks! The longer you wait, the more doors close to you. If you long remain in the situation of being frustrated, depression will probably set in, and your marriage will become unhappy. There can be little worse than being middle aged, feeling that you've "failed", and stuck in an unhappy marriage, with or without children. If your marriage becomes too strained, if your own unhappiness should become too great a liability to her happiness, then you stand a fair to middling chance of being left by your wife. Take it from me, you don't want to experience that anger; it can "eat you alive".

At my job some guy was talking about starting a union but I don't know anything about that and I'm already OK with my job. — John McMannis

Tread carefully. If you fuck up in your job while doing this, you may get fired, instead of experiencing leniency...which from the sound of it, might not be that bad a happenstance.

Someone mentioned running for a local office but I know even less about that and don't even know what I'd run for. — John McMannis

This is only for someone who is highly invested in their community, and that doesn't sound like you.

Man, your post drips malaise, and hints at a vague desperation. You need to go off somewhere by yourself, the mountains or something, and do some deep thinking and hard reckoning. Look at things from all angles, and leave no consideration unexamined. Above all, you must assess yourself truthfully, and in isolation, for only you can discern your repressed feelings and deep emotions.

On the positive side of things, you're still young enough to make a change. Equally certain is that you should do something which will help you to eliminate your debt. If you want to keep your marriage, you might consider joining the service, as it represents a way to do just that. If you have a degree, you can go to OCS. Then, you'll make good enough pay to pay off you loan debt, save some money, get the "post-9/11 GI Bill" for some graduate work, maybe have a couple kids with the wife, and have the possibility of a life changing experience at the same time. The military is a good way to set yourself on a sound financial footing; I wish I had stayed in for 20. Challenge yourself! Try to become an Army Ranger 2nd Lt., why the heck not? When you get out, you'll be 36, with your whole life ahead of you.

Sushi is right, your wife and marriage are major considerations. Are you happy with your marriage, or does it feel like a hasty mistake? It's hard to give you advice without knowing how "stale" you are on your life. If the answer is, "man, really fucking stale! I feel trapped and unhappy. I just want the fuck outta this!", then just freakin' do it...be honest with the wife, get a "no fault" divorce, get yourself to Aubagne in the south of France, find the Foreign Legion Recruitment Center, ask the first NCO that you see where the recruiting office is, and present yourself there as a candidate for enlistment. This is a last resort option for those feeling a serious crisis, but beware: https://www.stripes.com/theaters/europe/americans-struggle-to-meet-the-french-foreign-legion-s-high-bar-1.497591

In any case, it's time to grab the bull by the horns, and make some hard decisions manfully. Whatever you do, don't hang around and become like me: depressed, with a failed marriage and all kinds of financial and resultant psychological struggles! Fulfillment of purpose is important in the life of man. Time slips away, dude...please don't let it slip away from you, without your discovering some type of meaning in your life. You do have options. Use one of them.

:100:

Have a babe.

I agree with "I like sushi."

You chose a partner. There is nothing wrong with seeking outside counsel (us) for a different perspective, but I hope you chose someone you can rely on through thick and thin. I'd send her a link to this thread, and get her in the loop, so she knows what is bubbling in your brain. And who knows what she is thinking?

I will say this, you are in your fucking prime. Right now. 25 to 45. WOW! Eat that shit up! And guess what, you have time to do something, start all over again from scratch, do something else, start all over from scratch etc. many times over. And you can include your partner and, if you want, kids, on this adventure. Fuck, man. Awesome!

Oh, and on the student debt? Embrace the suck, pack that shit up on your broad shoulders and don't let it stop you from charging forward. I will vote to have it waived, but you can't wait for that waiver to happen. Keep charging. And if it is waived, remember the lesson so you don't do it again unless it's a calculated and understood thing that you wan to do.

Thank you all for the feedback. I'll be able to write more in a little bit.

what the hell should I do with my life? — John McMannis

The simplest answer is just live it. That is not the same as existing through it.

You have only one life so you need to enjoy it. Make that your objective.

The first thing you need to do is figure out exactly what would make you happy. Making the missus content, having your own place, having kids, keeping up with the classmates seem to be the list you have created.

What does the missus REALLY want?

Have you examined the pro's and con's of your and her "needs/wishes"

Having your own house is not cheap nor always convenient. Apart from mortgage payments there is also maintenance to take into account. If you are not a DIY'er then it can be expensive getting simple things done. The housing markets fluctuate, what you pay today might not be anyway near its value in 10 years. And a house can also act as an anchor. If you need to move to a better job sight, it can get complicated doing it in a hurry with a house that no one wants to pay your asking price for.

The same thing can basically be said about kids. They are high maintenance objects. You cannot just pick up and move them to a new school without causing them difficulties. I know because I went to 13 different schools in 3 countries.

Keeping up with the friends sucks. Just because they are doing something with their life does not mean that the same type of life is right for you. Hell it might not even be right for them and they will be divorcing sooner or later.

Work out a compromise, a plan with your wife, something that you both agree on and that, taking into consideration the fucked up world in which we live, would be possible.

Something like this;
This year, sort out the job/financial situation.
Find a way to make a better wage. Some places pay better for doing the same work if you are good at what you do.
Look for a cheaper place to live. Making a sacrifice for a couple of years might put enough money in the bank to help finding a house.
Maybe looking in another town would give the two of a better chance at both and she might not need to work so hard.

Next year, ................

Enough, I am not going to lay out a life plan for you.

Or you could buy an old school bus and take her on a world tour by working for gas and food.

After I turned 28 I also felt a downturn in my life. But I think that is biological and energies and function isn't really the same anymore. So adaptation to a slightly new psychology might be necessary. Speaking for myself my life also isn't where I thought it would by even 10 years ago standards. Things in life happen and many of our stories are a lot more similar than we would assume. I don't know if I would even be in this forum if the world seemed doable enough without these outside points of view. I find most changes that need to be made are internal before the external ones can be touched. And if it interests you I have found the YouTube channel "The School Of Life" (https://www.youtube.com/c/theschooloflifetv/videos) to be fairly uplifting on many topics of concern.

Thanks. I'll check it out.

I've made some changes lately and its been going pretty well. Still don't wake up every day very enthused or fulfilled, but I'm getting there. I'd like to wake up enthused and end the day exhausted in a good way. I would like to take more risks and be more active and work even harder, but I have no direction. I guess I'm one of those people who are just followers and not leaders, and require the guidance of others. Which makes me hate myself. I should have just gone into the military or something like that.

Maybe visit a college and take an interest inventory test? Being a leader doesn't necessarily lead to happiness. And not being a leader doesn't make you a follower by default.