• FrankGSterleJr
    94
    “The way a society functions is a reflection of the childrearing practices of that society. Today we reap what we have sown. Despite the well-documented critical nature of early life experiences, we dedicate few resources to this time of life. We do not educate our children about child development, parenting, or the impact of neglect and trauma on children.”
    — Dr. Bruce D. Perry, Ph.D. & Dr. John Marcellus

    “It has been said that if child abuse and neglect were to disappear today, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual would shrink to the size of a pamphlet in two generations, and the prisons would empty. Or, as Bernie Siegel, MD, puts it, quite simply, after half a century of practicing medicine, ‘I have become convinced that our number-one public health problem is our childhood’.”
    — Childhood Disrupted, pg.228

    _____________

    When I asked a BC Teachers’ Federation official over the phone whether there is any childrearing or child-development science curriculum taught in any of B.C.’s school districts, he immediately replied there is not. When I asked the reason for its absence and whether it may be due to the subject matter being too controversial, he replied with a simple “Yes”.

    This strongly suggests there are philosophical thus political obstacles to teaching students such crucial life skills as nourishingly parenting one’s children. To me, it’s difficult to imagine that teaching parenting curriculum would be considered more controversial than, say, teaching students Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity (SOGI) curriculum, beginning in Kindergarten, as is currently taught in B.C. public schools.

    Being free nations, society cannot prevent anyone from bearing children; society can, however, educate all young people for the most important job ever, even those who plan to remain childless. I would like to see child-development science curriculum implemented for secondary high school students, and it would also include neurodiversity, albeit not overly complicated. It would be mandatory course material, however, and considerably more detailed than what’s already covered by home economics, etcetera, curriculum: e.g. diaper changing, baby feeding and so forth.

    I don’t think the latter is anywhere near sufficient (at least not how I experienced it) when it comes to the proper development of a child’s mind. For one thing, the curriculum could/would make available to students potentially valuable/useful knowledge about their own psyches and why they are the way they are.

    Additionally, besides their own nature, students can also learn about the natures of their peers, which might foster greater tolerance for atypical personalities. If nothing else, the curriculum could offer students an idea/clue as to whether they’re emotionally suited for the immense responsibility and strains of parenthood.

    I read a children’s health academic state a fact, however unoriginal: “You have to pass a test to drive a car or to become a … citizen, but there’s no exam required to become a parent. And yet child abuse can stem from a lack of awareness about child development.” There’s so much to know and understand about child development (science) in order to properly/functionally rear a child to his/her full potential in life.

    By not teaching child-development science to high school students, is it not as though we, societally, are implying that anyone can comfortably enough go forth with unconditionally bearing children with whatever minute amount, if any at all, of such vital knowledge they happen to have acquired over time? It’s like we will somehow, in blind anticipation, be innately inclined to fully understand and appropriately nurture our children’s naturally developing minds and needs.

    I can’t help wondering how many instances there have been wherein immense long-term suffering by children of dysfunctional rearing might have been prevented had the parent(s) received, as high school students, some crucial child development science education by way of mandatory curriculum. After all, dysfunctional and/or abusive parents, for example, may not have had the chance to be anything else due to their lack of such education and their own dysfunctional/abusive rearing as children.

    Every parent should be knowledgeable about factual child-development science thus more enabled to rear their children in a more psychologically healthy and functional manner.

    In Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology and How You Can Heal the author writes that “[even] well-meaning and loving parents can unintentionally do harm to a child if they are not well informed about human development” (pg.24).

    Regarding early life or adverse childhood experience trauma, people tend to know (perhaps commonsensically) that they should not loudly quarrel when, for instance, a baby is in the next room; however, do they know about the intricacies of why not?

    Since it cannot fight or flight, a baby stuck in a crib on its back hearing parental discord in the next room can only “move into a third neurological state, known as a ‘freeze’ state … This freeze state is a trauma state” (pg.123). This causes its brain to improperly develop. It’s like a form of non-physical-impact brain damage.

    Also, it is the unpredictability of a stressor, and not the intensity, that does the most harm. When the stressor “is completely predictable, even if it is more traumatic — such as giving a [laboratory] rat a regularly scheduled foot shock accompanied by a sharp, loud sound — the stress does not create these exact same [negative] brain changes” (pg.42).

    Furthermore, how many of us were aware that, since young children completely rely on their parents for protection and sustenance, they will understandably stress over having their parents angry at them for prolonged periods of time? It makes me question the wisdom of punishing children by sending them to their room without dinner.

    Since so much of our lifelong health comes from our childhood experiences, childhood mental health-care should generate as much societal concern and government funding as does physical health, even though psychological dysfunction typically isn’t immediately visually/externally observable.

    Meantime, people will continue procreating regardless of their inability to parent their children in a psychologically functional/healthy manner. Many people seem to perceive thus treat human procreative ‘rights’ as though they [people] will somehow, in blind anticipation, be innately inclined to sufficiently understand and appropriately nurture their children’s naturally developing minds and needs.

    Also troublesome is that, owing to the Only If It’s In My Own Back Yard mindset, the prevailing collective attitude (implicit or subconscious) basically follows: ‘Why should I care — my kids are alright?’ or ‘What is in it for me, the taxpayer, if I support social programs for other people’s troubled families?’

    But, the wellbeing of all children — and not just what other parents’ children might/will cost us as future criminals or costly cases of government care, etcetera — needs to be of great importance to us all, regardless of whether we’re doing a great job with our own developing children. And as a moral rule, a physically and mentally sound future should be every child’s fundamental right — along with air, water, food and shelter — especially considering the very troubled world into which they never asked to enter.
    _____________

    “I remember leaving the hospital thinking, ‘Wait, are they going to let me just walk off with him? I don’t know beans about babies! I don’t have a license to do this. We’re just amateurs’.”
    —Anne Tyler, Breathing Lessons

    “It’s only after children have been discovered to be severely battered that their parents are forced to take a childrearing course as a condition of regaining custody. That’s much like requiring no license or driver’s ed[ucation] to drive a car, then waiting until drivers injure or kill someone before demanding that they learn how to drive.”
    —MyriamMiedzian, Ph.D.
  • Philosophim
    2.6k
    I agree with you. The primary reason, at least in America, why I can see this not being implemented is the long abstinence policy and sexual shame we heap upon teenagers to control them. The only child rearing lesson is typically an assignment in which a person has to lug around a fake baby for a week or two and find out how much of a pain it is to take care of it to discourage young women or men from having unprotected sex, or to abstain entirely.

    Not that I think we shouldn't try to lobby such a thing, but there might be a non-insignificant outcry of "the government shouldn't be teaching us how to raise children", and "Why do teenagers need to know how to raise kids? They shouldn't be having them in the first place."

    Still, nice points.
  • jgill
    3.9k
    During the Pandemic the government (USA) gave out a lot of money, particularly to parents of small children. I remember thinking, I hope those parents don't use this for booze and drugs. I like to think that most didn't, but who knows?
  • unenlightened
    9.2k
    Bruce Perry gets honourable mention in my old thread on trauma theory.

    I agree with the general thrust of the op, but I caution that parents are not the sole source of trauma. there are many links in my thread if anyone wants to educate themselves on their own trauma score, or on the general theory. And everyone should try and educate themselves, because we all educate and influence children through our participation in society. Here is one quote from the end of my thread that has to be important and has not been considered here thus far.

    When children are truly free to walk away from school, then schools will have to become child-friendly places in order to survive. Children love to learn, but, like all of us, they hate to be coerced, micromanaged, and continuously judged. They love to learn in their own ways, not in ways that others force on them. Schools, like all institutions, will become moral institutions only when the people they serve are no longer inmates. When students are free to quit, schools will have to grant them other basic human rights, such as the right to have a voice in decisions that affect them, the right to free speech, the right to free assembly, and the right to choose their own paths to happiness.

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/freedom-learn/201304/the-most-basic-freedom-is-freedom-quit?fbclid=IwAR3g1JEFem_0ICV5TrWPSwMPpZHZl7cYLESq2w0P-Kvl7a-HAVTnLZloTMw

    Here's a simple principle to reduce trauma in schools and other institutions.
  • baker
    5.6k
    societyFrankGSterleJr

    More and more people nowadays don't believe there is such a thing as "society" to begin with, which renders the topic of society's responsibility for children moot.
  • LuckyR
    509


    I don't disagree with your observations as stated, though in my experience success in this area is much more likely to be accomplished through more widely available Birth Control for potentially cr4ppy parents, than "educating" these potentially cr4ppy parents into decent parents.
  • FrankGSterleJr
    94
    Understanding the science behind every child’s healthy/functional development can at least enable a prospective parent to make an educated decision on how they wish to go about rearing any future children.

    Also, I wonder whether children’s mind/emotional development may begin as early as gestation. It seems that inside the womb, children are already aware of their mother’s emotions, good and bad.

    According to a 2003 online article by Linda Marks [a body-centered psychotherapist]: “When a mother both consciously and subconsciously wanted to be pregnant and welcomed her baby, the child thrived. When the mother either consciously or subconsciously wanted the baby, the child was fine.

    When the mother neither consciously nor subconsciously wanted the baby, the child felt the effects of this hostile emotional climate. I remember a story of a woman who not only didn’t want her baby but also resented his intrusive presence in her body.

    “When the Italian doctor would use an ultrasound to view the baby as the mother talked about her resentments of him and the pregnancy, the baby would curl up in a tiny ball in a corner of the uterus, trying to make himself very small.

    Even in-utero, a baby can feel the power of his/her mother’s heart. When considering having children, making a thoughtful, heartful, integrated decision is important for the overall wellbeing of a child.”

    http://www.healingheartpower.com/power-heart.html

    I feel it's not enough to try solving the societal problem of unwanted pregnancies with abortion alone. It is similarly irresponsibly insufficient to just give students the condom-and-banana demonstration along with the address to the nearest Planned Parenthood clinic as their sex education.

    As liberal democracies, we cannot prevent anyone from bearing children, including those who insist upon procreating regardless of their inability to raise children in a psychologically functional/healthy manner.
  • mentos987
    160
    Most people will do research as soon as they find out that they are going to be parents. The ones that do not are also less likely to have taken any prior education about the subject to heart. Nevertheless, the topic is worth investigating.
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