That makes more sense. My arguments about this not being very probable still stand, but I get what you mean now, and I do think it's possibly a worthy goal, if you're willing to face the potential burn out. — Noble Dust

I have been speaking to my sister and we have not spoken for many years and my time spent with my siblings were really them bullying me into believing that I was very ugly that I actually came to believe it. I had a car accident and lost everything several years ago and everyone turned their back on me, but I pushed through the incredible difficulties (physical injury - could not walk properly for months - mental health and emotionally, financially, professionally and all while on my own), that I have now reached a point where I started my own small NGO that I still have a bit of work to do, moved up the ladder professionally, finished a Masters degree, travelled, working on a doco and became unapologetically happy. I refused to be defeated and above all I refused to give up on my faith in love, despite having none of it given to me (on the friggin contrary I can assure you). She has never admitted to being vicious or cruel to me, but this is what she wrote:

"Just know, I never thought of you as ugly. I always thought you were very beautiful and I envied your perfect nose. I remember I took a photo of you once and you saw it and accused me of keeping an ugly photo of you because I was cruel, but that was not true, I loved that photo because your kind eyes were shining through the picture and you looked so beautiful. You are a good and kind person and I understand that you have been treated unfairly for a long time. I hope you find the love you deserve. I have thought a lot about what you have been through with your health and accident and I am truly sorry that you had to go through that hell alone."

I think it is essential to articulate your pain and there are many methods in doing this, but forgiveness does not exist, rather it is a hope that something like what she has done will happen. It is a hope for the other to acknowledge your pain and the pain itself is really a lack of this acknowledgement. I get what you mean when you are saying that draining feeling, but conversely I fear your experience with your pastor is actually what has locked you to carry this assumption on mentorship. I refused to be defeated and became empowered enough to improve my circumstances independently and that is "speaking" or articulating to others my strength of character without having to say words. You can tell a genuinely good person through the fruits that they produce and it is why parables were spoken because confronting the truth is way too difficult for people because they almost automatically go on the defence. That is why leading by example is a form of communication.

I have never trusted anyone who follows, whether it is socially, religiously, politically, but I look at the decisions that they make, look at the people they choose to have in their lives, see what they find important and not important and make my assessment that way. It is not about spoon-feeding morals or upholding a false image, but simply never giving up on love, on kindness and friendship despite the lack thereof. Unconditional love is giving love, allowing others the opportunity to feel heard and they too start to listen to themselves before doing the same etc. That pastor is in denial, he has - like so many others - not reached this 'core' that I speak of and that is why the cycle continues.

When they reach that core, only then can they genuinely feel and thus apologise or fearlessly open the can of worms and face the music rather than fearfully shutting it away. You lead by example, yes, but you still maintain a firmness or resolve (such as turning your back or not allowing bad people to defeat you) and that is telling people something.

I refused to give up on my faith in love, despite having none of it given to me (on the friggin contrary I can assure you). — TimeLine

Where did you find this faith?

but forgiveness does not exist, rather it is a hope that something like what she has done will happen. It is a hope for the other to acknowledge your pain and the pain itself is really a lack of this acknowledgement. — TimeLine

I don't understand this at all.

I get what you mean when you are saying that draining feeling, but conversely I fear your experience with your pastor is actually what has locked you to carry this assumption on mentorship. — TimeLine

Yes, it absolutely is that. But how can you or anyone say that that is objectively wrong or right?

You can tell a genuinely good person through the fruits that they produce and it is why parables were spoken because confronting the truth is way too difficult for people because they almost automatically go on the defence. That is why leading by example is a form of communication. — TimeLine

Agreed.

You lead by example, yes, but you still maintain a firmness or resolve (such as turning your back or not allowing bad people to defeat you) and that is telling people something. — TimeLine

This brings up the apropos question of where mentorship/leadership is distinguished from equality.

Where did you find this faith? — Noble Dust

Oh it was just while walking in Aussie land, she found it lying on the ground and just picked it up you know ma dawg? :D

Oh it was just while walking in Aussie land, she found it lying on the ground and just picked it up you know ma dawg? :D — Agustino

Aussieland? Dude, I found it in Bethlehem. Fo shizzle.

I don't understand this at all. — Noble Dust

Forgiveness is nothing but a word that attempts to convey hope, a desire for the other to acknowledge either their wrongs or your pain, the latter of which is there - as in, why we feel the burden of pain - because of the lack of empathy, the lack of concern for your humanity, for you as a person. It is pretty straightforward, really.

Where did you find this faith? — Noble Dust

Responsibility.