No one chooses mental illness. What would be the aim?

The trouble with depression is that people lack the motivation or will to do the things needed to get better. The lucky ones have a good support system, or are able to use medication to get them back to a point where they are able to do the work to get better.

The origin of that individual problem is surely societal, though of course there could be hereditary weakness that would make someone less able to survive the bad societal environment.

Michael Ossipoff

No one chooses mental illness. What would be the aim? — CasKev

The allegations are things like malingering and attention seeking.

The origin of that individual problem is surely societal, though of course there could be hereditary weakness that would make someone less able to survive the bad societal environment. — Michael Ossipoff

I am not sure what causes someone to be unable to cope. What concerns me though as how we treat this condition, whether we intervene, complain and ostracise etc and how it effects our life philosophy.

The assumption that everyone is equipped to cope with life (like a fish equipped to swim) is going to effect social policy.

It could be that people who benefit from society say that it is moral and functional, but they are only saying this because it favours them, but then that kind of society is hard to change.

It could be that people who benefit from society say that it is moral and functional, but they are only saying this because it favours them, but then that kind of society is hard to change. — Andrew4Handel

Impossible to change or improve, I'd say.

All we can do is try to stay out of the rulers' way, and somehow live a quiet and peaceful life.

We sometimes hear "If you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the problem."

Solution? What solution? You can't be part of an impossible solution.

You aren't part of the problem unless you're participating in its perpetration.

Michael Ossipoff

No one can cope alone.

No one can cope alone. — unenlightened

And yet... we are born alone, and we die alone. So I say that one can only cope alone. Others may be of help in teaching one how to stand on their own feet, but no more than that can be done.

we are born alone — Agustino

Dammit, I knew my mother didn't belong there. Always poking her nose in where she's best forgotten.

Dammit, I knew my mother didn't belong there. Always poking her nose in where she's best forgotten. — mcdoodle

Doesn't change the point that you come into the world alone. Sure, it takes other people to conceive you, but when you're born, you're still born alone.

Likewise, people can be around you when you die, but it's still a road you can only travel alone - you cannot take anyone with you on that road.

My dog Fred has never been alone. He was crammed in there with 7 siblings.

but when you're born, you're still born alone — Agustino

What if you and your twin sibling were joined at the hip. Then you wouldn't be born alone. Unfortunately, having someone attached to one's hip is extremely inconvenient.

No one can cope alone. — unenlightened

I don't think that inability to cope with life is seen as a real problem that needs intervention.

When I refer to an inability to cope with life I suppose I am talking about a general feeling that life is hard and unrewarding and that you are not achieving what you want or would rather be elsewhere.
It is almost a metaphysical foundational issue.

Helping someone survive cancer or move house or find a partner are problems that are well defined so specific advice can be targeted and these issues don't seem to have wider connotations.
But not coping with life can be seen as pessimism and nihilism and/or a criticism of society and life that causes people to get defensive or critical rather than supportive.

In a way I think self help books are the kind of "support" offered for not coping with life and this is because they are not required to be rigorous and scientific so they don't need to worry about the overall quality, ethics or philosophical validity of their advice.

I think a so called "existential crisis" is not coping with life, but this is not, as far as I am aware viewed as a problem society or medicine has any responsibility for. But if you are rich enough you may be able to afford an Existential Psychotherapist.

How seriously do people take the inability to cope with life?

If someone is dying of cancer people have to accept that as inevitable but if someone isn't coping with life there are thousands of self help books available and criticism to be had.

It is as if the inability to cope with life is a character flaw or choice. The same goes for mental illness. Mental illness is not strictly terminal so if you die due to mental health it is usually self inflicted. People can cast aspersions on the character of mentally unwell person. — Andrew4Handel

I was going to say read David Smail's internet publication Power, Responsibility and Freedom but it is suddenly unavailable. Hopefully that is temporary and we have not permanently lost that work. In it you would find the answers to all of your questions about mental illness.

In the meantime, you will probably find much of the same material by looking at his books, YouTube videos, etc.

It never even occurred to most people before a century or so ago in most cultures that life was supposed to be rewarding and fulfilling. Life was to be tolerated, a vale of tears, short and brutish, and one was expected to do their duty. Your lament is a historically recent one. In fact, the psychological sciences didn't consider studying happiness in its one right, rather than focusing on pathology, until just a few decades ago.
Unless you appear clinically depressed, many psychologists would consider
" a general feeling that life is hard and unrewarding and that you are not achieving what you want or would rather be elsewhere" as being reasonably well-adjusted.
But what does it matter if much of society has their sets set so low? You shouldn't have any trouble today finding individuals and organizations dedicated to hedonism, spiritual fulfillment , utopianisms of one sort or another or existential meaning. As to whether their particular philosophies or methods will work for you is something only you can decide. If none of them work, it may be that you will have to create your own philosophy of meaning. You might also try philosophical counseling. That's a growing field, and will help you delve into your metaphysical puzzlement.

How seriously do people take the inability to cope with life? — Andrew4Handel

I would take an "inability to cope with life" as a perhaps serious, but vaguely described chronic, rather than acute, problem. People usually have the intellectual and emotional capacity to cope with the problems with which life has always presented people. There are various ways of coping with life--too many to list.

I don't think that those who can not successfully cope have encountered novel problems. What has happened is that their capacity to cope with "life as we know it" has been reduced. There are various ways that can happen: ordinary depression, of course; excessive, chronic alcohol or drug use; major mental illnesses like schizophrenia, anxiety disorders, bi-polar disorder, and so on. Social isolation is a factor. Poor sleep habits, fatigue, physical illnesses, and so on all contribute. "Bad ideas" are a contributing factor, by which which I mean fatalistic thinking, self-fulfilling negative expectations, and so on.

If I were to give an armchair treatment plan, I would suggest this: FIRST, get engaged with people that you like being around--somehow, somewhere. Right, easier said than done; but social isolation is a very negative factor in an individual's life. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 10 -- however many people you can find that you like to spend time with.

Second, if you can find it, if you can afford it, try talk therapy oriented towards building up the strength of your coping ability. If you can't find it, if you can't afford it, then seek out books that can give you develop better life-coping strategies.

Third, if you can, find work that offers you the kind of psychological rewards that you want. Right, again easier said than done. If you work in a very, very bad job, at least try to find work that is merely bad and not very, very bad; maybe even work that is somewhat tolerable.

Engage yourself in positive feedback thinking. Yeah, yeah, yeah - I know: this can sound like self-help bullshit, but there are positive things going on in your life, and there are problems you are successfully coping with. Make a list of these positive aspects. No, you don't have to make the whole list all at once. Add to it over time. LOOK for positive things. List problems in life that you have solved. Yes, of course you have solved problems. You are not a basket case.

Say out loud to yourself true and positive statements such as "I am an intelligent person". Andrew4Handel, you are an intelligent person. You have good features, indifferent features, and most likely some bad features -- like everybody else does. Accept yourself (practice it) as a capable person.

Will all this work? I don't know why it wouldn't. It won't work over night, and you may need some coaching from somebody you like and who can give you positive coaching -- it doesn't have to be a therapist. As the song says, "Latch on to the affirmative".

Good luck.

Will all this work? I don't know why it wouldn't. It won't work over night, and you may need some coaching from somebody you like and who can give you positive coaching -- it doesn't have to be a therapist. As the song says, "Latch on to the affirmative". — Bitter Crank

Or read Donald Trump's favorite book, The Power Of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale >:O

Helping someone survive cancer or move house or find a partner are problems that are well defined so specific advice can be targeted and these issues don't seem to have wider connotations. — Andrew4Handel

I know those who have found the right person, their 'soul mate' or someone they deeply and intellectually connect with and could really love and be happy with, but they chose to turn away from that in order to be in a more generally accepted and yet superficial relationship. People do not like a challenge, they are afraid of feeling and thinking to a point that they would rather live in this quiet misery pretending to themselves that somehow it will get better than live in the freedom of choice (or the freedom that one feels when they make their own choices); we are constantly told since childhood that if we act on our own accord it is "bad" or "wrong" and that we will get hurt or in trouble - thus epistemically, we grow to think that thinking for ourselves is thus "bad" or "wrong" and unconsciously stop ourselves from being ourselves. We are also taught that following and listening and doing what others tell us is "right" and "good" and when society promises that as long as you continue to conform and follow everything will get better, you believe it. Until you realise years, even decades later that this was complete bullshit, tricking you into absorbing your self into a collective delusion.

But, the fact here is, he did find the right person but he chose to deny her and therein lies the problem. We are not as ignorant as we make ourselves out to be, like those children who intentionally do something wrong and when caught immediately pretend that they had nothing to do with it and don't know anything about it. He chose to be malicious to her as a way to pretend to himself that he did not care, chose to continue pretending to be happy, pretending to build a life, pretending to build a career but all with an underlying misery. What we are in life is a collection of choices that we make, even if it is ultimately one choice of mindless conformism and allowing others to think on our behalf.

If you are unhappy, unable to cope with life, the reason for this is probably because you have made a shitload of mistakes. We create meaning through our choices. That's ok, the great thing about free will is that there is always a chance to fix it and while this resolve to remove the toxicity in your life would probably mean pulling everything apart and starting all over again, but so great is this meaning to your own identity that you will eventually sense and experience genuine happiness.

I don't think that inability to cope with life is seen as a real problem that needs intervention. — Andrew4Handel

I want to question the whole sense of this. One can cope to just that extent that one has the support of society. Society then "intervenes" when it fails to support.

A gentleman cannot cope without a butler, and a butler cannot cope without a gentleman.

If you are unhappy, unable to cope with life, the reason for this is probably because you have made a shitload of mistakes. — TimeLine

Everyone makes a shitload of mistakes. If you cannot cope, it isprobably because you do not have a good butler to cover for you. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeeves_and_Wooster

Edit: Or a wife.

Everyone makes a shitload of mistakes. If you cannot cope, it is probably because you do not have a good butler to cover for you.

Edit: Or a wife. — unenlightened

Or a secret admirer who sends you flowers. How much would existence improve if we spent our days merely entertaining each other?

Flowers are very uplifting, but no substitute for expert advice on the right tie for the occasion.

How much would existence improve if we spent our days merely entertaining each other? — TimeLine

I would like to think we get a slice of those days, while we are all together here, through the years.

Thanks for the responses so far.

Part of this feeling stems from an incident on Sunday where I went to a casual philosophy meetup to talk about taboo's.

I was taken aside at the end and accused of dominating the conversation. During being told off by a facilitator I said "Don't bother.. I won't come again."

I am waiting (for ages) for an assessment for Asperger's and I feel that I'm never going to be able to socialise easily with people and not upset people. I think I can in some situations but I think my personality is to assertive and opinionated and I can find it hard to stop talking.

It is definitely not a one sided problem. I was subject to a lot of abuse as a child and I found that people with Asperger's often suffer chronic bullying and that so called neurotypical people can cause the biggest challenges. I haven't been diagnosed yet but Asperger's can cause problems like anxiety and alienation and may cause a higher suicide risk.

These kind of cognitive issue and thinks like personality traits and personality disorders are things that might partially define "not coping with life".

Your post title is unnecessarily self-denigrating. What people (like you?) have trouble coping with is the world that human beings have created. I'm sure you have lots to offer, so it is just as much the rest of society's fault for not creating an environment in which all different types of people can thrive. If society can't create environments where people with Aspergers can thrive, then that is society's loss.

so it is just as much the rest of society's fault for not creating an environment in which all different types of people can thrive. — Pseudonym

I have sympathy with that viewpoint thanks.

With the dynamics of society it is not clear that the good flourishes, that we have the correct priorities and so on.

I think power dynamics are very interesting and obviously disputed. Allowing different people to flourish can mean relinquishing power and ones owns interests or values.

Flowers are very uplifting, but no substitute for expert advice on the right tie for the occasion. — unenlightened

Or a cravat.

A man who knows his flowers is a man worthy of tie-advice.

This thread has got me thinking that maybe feeling unable to cope with life is a problem created by society more than I originally thought.

It seems very easy to make life hard for other people. For example there could be no provision for disabled people so they couldn't leave the house or shop or work etc with no ramps, adapted taxi's modified shop entrances and so on.

The problem is it is hard to try and make society work better for you and people oppose because they are either coping and complacent or apathetic or simply prejudice.

If I was enjoying my life style that certainly wouldn't lead me to the assumption that society was good enough for everyone or even most people.

In philosophical terms you could describe it as unexamined norms.

This thread has got me thinking that maybe feeling unable to cope with life is a problem created by society more than I originally thought. — Andrew4Handel

This kind of thinking just makes you feel helpless and doesn't get you anywhere. I recommend a turn to the Stoic way of thinking - whatsoever is in your control, that is the whole of good and evil in terms of what concerns you. The fact that they kicked you out of the philosophy circle you attended is an indifferent, since whether they kick you out or not is not in your power. So why fret about it?

Today I had to go before a judge with regards to some paperwork gone wrong for my business (and apparently as I was about to find out, an accountant who faked my signature on somethings, instead of signing on my behalf under their own signature). I was initially running late because I had to go pick up a paper before I went there, so I got very anxious and was scrambling around to get all the files that I needed ready, and just feeling worried. But then I thought - what the judge does is not my concern, because it is not in my power. Whether I will arrive on time or not, doesn't matter. What is more important is that I remain master of my fate, and just to spite circumstances, I will not care anymore if I am late, they will wait for me. So I started taking things slowly and became very calm after that. I stopped caring about things not under my control. You have the power, so don't give it up to society, or any other such entities.

Usually, the manifest form of what you describe as an inability to cope with life is seen in the form of learned helplessness, or more commonly known as depression.

There are ways to get out of that rut, just on a purely mental basis - as seen in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

But, as much as thinking depression away sounds good, it requires some change in terms of lifestyle. I can't really say what change is needed, perhaps someone who is willing to listen to your problems (a therapist) or better self-care.

There are many therapies out there that can help cope with life.

However, there is an issue when one frames the question in terms of "coping with life" as if life is something that needs coping with. I mean, you can't change the world on a whim; but, you can change your mindset and beliefs about the world. It's not easy, and requires effort, and is best done in groups or in relation to other people so you have some reference point in terms of what is healthy behavior and such.

Just my two cents.

(Y)

This thread has got me thinking that maybe feeling unable to cope with life is a problem created by society more than I originally thought. — Andrew4Handel

As I mentioned to you in our correspondence, there is a parallel here between this inability to cope with life and a lack of recognition from others. You were severely bullied and as a way to articulate that hurt, the rejection, you may be attempting to justify their behaviour with Aspergers. While most of us have symptoms of high functioning social awkwardness, Aspergers is very clear in its behavioural difficulties. The bullies have something wrong with them, they are reacting and responding viciously likely because they can (perhaps you are/were vulnerable) and because they themselves are miserable.

We often identify pleasure when people approve of us, treat us nicely and respectfully and this gives us meaning. This is why people are addicted to social networking. Contrary to this begets the hurt and the hopelessness because when people tell us we are "bad" we believe it. Maybe not consciously, but the hurt and depression/anxiety is evidence of this. To overcome this, you need to find the courage to be independent and to find that self love or respect for yourself without needing the recognition from others. You'll eventually meet good people who will treat you with the respect you deserve.

You have it in me ;)