In terms of books that can help you find bad coping mechanisms, I'd recommend 'Games People Play' by Edward Berne. There are loads of cheap copies of it on Amazon. Other than that, if you have no trouble with helping others emotionally - or at least find it easier than helping yourself - try to think of yourself as another person and ask how you'd try to help them... Then do it, as best you can. — fdrake
I'd recommend 'Games People Play' by Edward Berne. — fdrake
I'd recommend 'Games People Play' by Edward Berne. — fdrake
Transactional analysis (TA) is a psychoanalytic theory and method of therapy wherein social transactions are analyzed to determine the ego state of the patient (whether parent-like, child-like, or adult-like) as a basis for understanding behavior.[1] In transactional analysis, the patient is taught to alter the ego state as a way to solve emotional problems. The method deviates from Freudian psychoanalysis which focuses on increasing awareness of the contents of unconsciously held ideas. — Wiki
Other than that, if you have no trouble with helping others emotionally - or at least find it easier than helping yourself - try to think of yourself as another person and ask how you'd try to help them... Then do it, as best you can. — fdrake
The games make sense without much of the theoretical background. Adult/child don't have to be interpreted as features of the psyche with a rich structure, things still work with the approximation that adult = the responsible, fettered one and child = the irresponsible, free one. Most of the games take on the character of responsibility shifting, disavowal or branding. — fdrake
One way to interpret savage flair-ups on forums, for instance, is in terms of two big daddy-egos trying to parent one another. Neither 'omniscient father' will cede the other the phallus-conch, so the ostensible 'content' is thrown away and the essential desire to humiliate/subjugate/parent is manifested in 'castrating' insults.
Oof, hits close to home. Think you're right tho. — csalisbury
Unless it's actually a matter of S&M. That sort of thing can be a source of creativity. Its more likely to be destructive if its unconscious.In 'mansplaining,' a guy plays 'all knowing daddy' with a woman whom he wants to see as a child. — syntax
Unless it's actually a matter of S&M. — frank
That sort of thing can be a source of creativity. Its more likely to be destructive if its unconscious. — frank
Even bringing it up is a kind of saturnine thing to do, but men and women were on the scene in the discussion. — frank
I'm especially interested in this kind of head-butting or patriarchal posturing. I put on my labcoat before I grab the popcorn. Sometimes in real life, I find myself being the opinionated ideology-critquing A-hole among other A-holes. The women vanish as if by magic. They don't give a queef, in my experience, about what they perhaps perceive as some kind of constipatedly homoerotic ritual. — syntax
I remember once watching two men 'battle it out' at work in a way where one tried to prove to the other that they knew better about a subject and yet both didn't actually know what they are talking about. What astonished me in the experience was the tone, the body language, the attitude of confidence as though such behaviour represented 'truth' over the very content itself. — TimeLine
It happened on here too between Agu and someone else, I think it was Vagabond and they both looked just as stupid as the other, writing massive essays without contributing intellectually at all. When I said that they should stop and actually talk about the problem in the OP, I got 'no, we have to do this.' Women back away because we know we get brushed aside during this weird Alpha display. — TimeLine
Ah, yes, that's a great example. 'We have to do this.' Compulsive once the fire is lit. It's embarrassing, but I've been there. It's probably good in some ways as a learning experience. I don't think a person learns much without 'sinning.' Still, it doesn't feel good at the time. — syntax
Yeah, those men. Ha, ha, ha, ha. LOL. So funny. Ha, ha, ha. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
As far as women backing away, this is something I've discussed with my girlfriend. As I understand it, she can just feel that the tone is bogus, that it's not real conversation. I think she finds a kind of small-hearted meanness in it, and I think she's right. Of course I don't want to fall into the trap of seeming self-righteous here. I continue to wrestle with and make sense of this stuff. — syntax
I'm guilty of doing this kind of thing to people too, in different ways, so I get the need. I don't think - I'm not sure - that Timeline and Sytax have done this (tho maybe the 'calm yourself' response is bordering on it.) I do think certain ways of tackling this thing are profoundly damaging, even if they feel justified and good in the moment. — csalisbury
Let's not forget humour (what counteracts depression) and positive relationships between people either, otherwise culture deteriorates and we would live within a mechanistic environment where responses are without quality of character. You breed weakness on both ends of the spectrum, so it is about achieving the balance between the two.
I think I was pretty measured in my response though. I don't think I was just hand-wringing for recognition, as your post suggests. — csalisbury
When a conflict arises between the sexes, something other than just social dominance is going on. — frank
Some thoughts on threads being derailed. I think every thread I've started on this forum has been been pretty thoroughly derailed, often with moderators involved in the process. Being a color-outside-the-lines sort of guy, I don't mind. Sometimes the coolest insights appear in a non-linear fashion. — frank
The whole "Games People Play" approach is not one I've ever felt was very helpful — T Clark
Ahhh but this is exactly the kind of 'joke' I was talking about! :joke: You created a clear narrative - an emoticon or joke isn't a charm that prevents people from contesting it. Your narrative was meant as a build-up illustrating a point you took seriously. :rofl: — csalisbury
Some of us, like me and thee, are old enough to remember when Transactional Analysis was the latest fad to make the rounds. As old Sister Gloria put it, "It's another lingo to learn. Every few years another fad comes along and there's another whole new batch of lingo." — Bitter Crank
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