While mulling this over, I've wondered what different ethical systems would have to say about this. Clearly there are situations where failing to inform the appropriate parties could be viewed as immoral, such as failing to report a terrorist plot, the hiding place of a murderer, etc. The potential harm of not informing far outweighs the potential harm of informing in situations like those. However, it is not so clear when it comes to lower-stakes situations. — ProbablyTrue
on an inter-personal level:
1) Sharing information regarding another's marital infidelity would generally be considered meddlesome and/or cruel (immoral). — Galuchat
" I would want to know the truth" is by itself sufficient, because your wanting something doesn't give it moral authority. On the other hand, you may be justifying this from a 'do on to others, as you would want done onto you' perspective. Even there, you may want to ask yourself, would you really want to know under all circumstances? — Saeed Ahmed
I'm definitely not suggesting infidelity be criminalized. My questioning isn't borne of a prudish view of sexuality. If people want to have open relationships then more power to them.Legally, the prisons would be many times in number and in occupation if it were illegal to have affairs. — gloaming
This is what I was hoping the discussion would lead to. Interestingly, my gut reaction is that the closer in relation or proximity to the offense I am, the greater my responsibility to "meddle".What if the injured party is your sister? Or, what if the cheater is your very best friend....or brother? Would you let your father know that your mother was cheating on him? — gloaming
I think the real question is, what is holding you back from revealing the truth to the people that should know? If someone was getting cheated on, irrespective of who it is (my mom, best friend, co-worker, random stranger), I wouldn't even hesitate to tell them. — chatterbears
I would imagine, that if you have an obligation to inform the cheated, you have at least the same obligation to inform the cheater of your intentions, and give them a chance to own up on their own part, or else bump you off to keep you quiet, or possibly to let you know that they have that sort of open relationship, but prefer to be discrete with each other about the details, so butt out. — unenlightened
You imagine this, why? — ProbablyTrue
Please make clear just what "should" means in your post.revealing the truth to the people that should know? — chatterbears
I would imagine, that if you have an obligation to inform the cheated, you have at least the same obligation to inform the cheater of your intentions, and give them a chance to own up on their own part, or else bump you off to keep you quiet, or possibly to let you know that they have that sort of open relationship, but prefer to be discrete with each other about the details, so butt out. — unenlightened
Leave it completely, abso-effing-lutely alone. — tim wood
No, I'm in the inform camp. But I'm only there to the extent that you care about their relationship, and in that case your duty is to both parties, and it is a duty of care rather than a duty to do justice to the wronged party as you see it. You never have a duty to be the moral police of another's relationship. — unenlightened
"Cheating" is only your name for a behaviour, and you do not know exactly what the behaviour is, and, not knowing, you are guaranteed to be wrong. So on that account, butt out. — tim wood
The only thing we do know is that you're itching to get involved, and that for your own reasons. Here's what you do: absolutely nothing. You do not know what people are doing or why they're doing it. Be certain of this: you do harm and possibly a lot of it if you speak, and no good if you do. — tim wood
Please make clear just what "should" means in your post. — tim wood
You can not predict what the consequences of your tale bearing will be. There is a quite good chance that you will make the situation worse by informing so-and-so that the partner is having an affair.
You might be assuming that the relationship is perfect, except for the dirty cheating spouse's slimy affair. Maybe the relationship is dead, and the spouse has found companionship, consolation, and pleasure with someone who was livelier. Is tale-bearing going to make the unresponsive partner suddenly lively and fascinating? Probably not.
You don't know... maybe murder or a serious beating, or two murders will be the result. Who are you to have zero tolerance? — Bitter Crank
Let's muddy the waters. What if the injured party is your sister? Or, what if the cheater is your very best friend....or brother? Would you let your father know that your mother was cheating on him? Why not? — gloaming
But I do not care about their relationship one way or the other. Their relationship being mended or discarded is entirely up to them. I'm only interested in informing the victim of what the facts on the ground are. It is up to them what to do next. — ProbablyTrue
Have any of you been in similar circumstances? What do different ethical theories say on the matter? — ProbablyTrue
Truth for truth's sake? But no, because you want to be anonymous, and hide your own part. In my book, I call that hypocrisy. — unenlightened
Really? My distinction was that at best you had only shallow, partial knowledge. But you seem to think you know it all. Do you know it all?I do know what happened in both cases. — ProbablyTrue
To the first, all I can say is, grow up! The existence of a personal moral code is not by itself a warrant for anything, much less imposing it anywhere.I can't say I speak for Mr Chatterbears, but I believe he means that I ought to inform the wronged.... I ought to inform the wronged if it is the case that I adhere to a particular moral code and it is the case that this moral code requires I inform the wronged in this situation and that I want to act consistently with that moral code.
I think you already know that's what he means when he says "should", but I guess we'll have to play these linguistic games first. — ProbablyTrue
Let's try again: what do you think "should" means? "...is referring to people" is incoherent as any sort of definition.
I'll tell you what I think but you need to go first; its your word. — tim wood
Not truth for truth's sake, but truth for the person being cheated on's sake. — Hanover
Yes, and that is morally suspect, because it relies on a judgement of the morality of the parties. Who knows, perhaps the cheater is trying to escape an abusive and controlling relationship? One cannot assume the equality of other things. — unenlightened
Truth for truth's sake? But no, because you want to be anonymous, and hide your own part. In my book, I call that hypocrisy. — unenlightened
Really? My distinction was that at best you had only shallow, partial knowledge. But you seem to think you know it all. Do you know it all? — tim wood
To the first, all I can say is, grow up! The existence of a personal moral code is not by itself a warrant for anything, much less imposing it anywhere. — tim wood
The problem arises when the underlying reason is not fully laid out or is inaccessible. Should, in that case, becomes a shorthand, a code, that obscures and even hides the reasoning behind the imperative, and thus concealed becomes vicious. So the question is, why, exactly and explicitly, do you think you're obliged to reveal what you think you know. Why even, exactly and explicitly, do you feel a need to go there? — tim wood
And because this is TPF, let's visit Kant. He says that the maxim of your action should be such that it could be universal law, that people are to be treated as ends and not used as means, and that we all should act in such a way that our action tends to a creation of a kingdom of ends. In short, by acting you're saying that what you do to others, others can do to you. If then you speak, why do you speak? And for whom do you speak? . — tim wood
Yes, and that is morally suspect, because it relies on a judgement of the morality of the parties. Who knows, perhaps the cheater is trying to escape an abusive and controlling relationship? One cannot assume the equality of other things. — unenlightened
Even if they were living in a beautiful lie, it would be a questionable decision to let them stay. As it is now, the cheated person is more likely to be in an unhappy marriage and the worst of it is just beneath the surface. — ProbablyTrue
Please make the case. I'd like to see it.In this situation, he has a moral obligation to reveal this information with the people who have been wronged. — chatterbears
Would I rather live in a kingdom of truth or lies? Should justice be thwarted or encouraged? — ProbablyTrue
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