Q: Which form of government works best?

A: Wait a minute... there’s a government somewhere that actually works at all?


Q: How many marxists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.


Q: Which is the one true religion?

A1: It’s a secret. You think they want us poor nosepickers attending their services and annoying everyone with our crying babies and fidgety kids?

A2: None of the above.

A3: The one located closest to your house that has a noon service and a nice school.

A4: The one your parents belonged to. Or possibly the one your significant other believes in, if you can’t be arsed to debate about it.

A5. Scientology (see answer #1).

A6. It is an ancient Sumerian religion whose main ritual was one that predicted the future and told the meaning of the universe by examining the droppings of donkeys. It is called Asstrology.

A7. I can’t pronounce the name of it, but it’s some trendy place where everyone is bowing and wearing yoga pants.

Q: What does it mean to be alive?
A: You'll know when you're dead.