Why not just experiment, for fun, with plants in your garden? (I know this seems like an unrelated topic, but you've mentioned struggles with self-esteem. It seems like you set yourself very high standards. And standards are good, but it can be bad for personal growth (speaking from experience) to only feel comfortable pursuing things that seem totally groundbreaking. It's a vicious superego that demands that and only that. And it can really break you down. — csalisbury
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