I haven't got an overriding motivation other than basic survival to evade pain and discomfort but coloured with an overriding sense of depression and pointlessness.

However I do try and read a lot and listen to academic podcasts, debates and YouTube lectures.

I am agnostic about meaning. I did a degree which involved philosophy of mind and analysis of physicalism and social discourse etc which has left me with unanswered questions that leave me uncertain.

Not knowing is a peculiar kind of situation. For example if you are contemplating suicide and you don't know what it will be like. Will you survive the death of your body. If you knew exactly what the nature of your death was like than you could act in light of that. I don't have strong enough desires or adequate knowledge to reach motivational conclusions. (I have lots of thoughts swirling around my mind)

I grew up in a Fanatically religious background and spent thousands of hrs in church (it seemed like) a lot of emphasis was placed on the afterlife. The idea was that life got its meaning from the promise of the afterlife and meeting God. There was also the threat of hell spelled out every week..

In a sense I see Christianity as nihilistic because it degrades the point this life. However that background made me philosophical for an early age and when I left it I had to question the meaning of everything and try and find another meaning. For instance I went from hundreds of moral strictures (don't work on Sunday, don't watch television and listen to the radio) to no moral guidance

I feel Christianity was an elaborate justification and motivation but like The Emperors new clothes. I think leaving religion is that kind of event that exposes to you that there are elaborate social fictions.

(sorry for being long winded here)

I think evolution possibly makes sense of our motivations in a derogatory way as in service of mindless survival not truth. That possibility demotivates me. Also what I see as a lack or rationality in societies and a lack of justification demotivates me.

In summary I think that certain "facts" should have implications" And that the implications of "facts" are being ignored.

I have the position that facts can entail things such as if someone tells you that the building is on fire acting like it was not would be irrational. Saying I know but I don't care would no necessarily be so.

If facts didn't entail anything then we could just ignore them and try and build a fact free society but we often have to return to what is the case (such as the presence of gravitational forces)

(it is easier to respond to things like gravity that impose themselves on you and harder to know how to deal with more complex discoveries.)

Imagination is a strange faculty. Imagination seems to reside in consciousness and not as a physical thing in the external world. So it is in a strange realm. So I can imagine things that aren't physically realisable. Like a flying horse. But then some of these imagination can be realised physically and that gives them a realness.
I feel puzzled by the imagination. For instance we act by imagining the future and so act based on a vision of the future which is like not living in the present, or we act based on the past (induction, memories etc).

I think the imagination produces useful fictions but they get reified. So for example religion has been highly motivational and we have beautiful Cathedrals, art and music etc. That seems to give a realness to religion Creating new specific spiritually targeted phenomena. But to what extent does this elaborate realisation of the imagination into the external world validate it or bring about realness?

I am not sure that atheist would accept that the success and creativity of religion validated it. I think you could justify any product of the imagination based on this kind of success as opposed to its truth.

In a way I think to many facts sap the imagination. However I think certain facts should sap the imagination if they discover harmful fantasies.