Joke of the day - October 7, 2017

Immanuel Kant and Aristotle are sitting in a bar. Aristotle says, “Hey Immanuel, would you like another beer?” Kant says, “No thanks. I think I’ve had enough. After all, you’ve been dead for more than 2,000 years.”

A guy calls up the city’s unique, Socratic zoo keeper and asks, “What would you term an animal that is half elephant and half rhino?” The zookeeper, staying true to his philosophical roots, replies: “El-if-I-know!”

A guy calls up the city’s unique, Socratic zoo keeper and asks, “What would you term an animal that is half elephant and half rhino?” The zookeeper, staying true to his philosophical roots, replies: “El-if-I-know!” — javra

You've made it a philosophy joke by just labeling one of the characters as "philosophical." I endorse that approach. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. I've used that ploy from time to time in my jokes, as you'll see.

Someone asks Wittgenstein about the aim of his philosophy.

He laughs and says : 'To show the fly the way out of its fly bottle.'

Someone asks Spider about the aim of his philosophy.

He eyes a fly and gesticulates : 'To weave webs.'

Someone asks Bottle about the aim of its philosophy.

It buzzes with the sound of a fly: "Buzzzz buzzz"

Objectness is a set of syntactical accidents that precede essence. Essence (re)adapts syntactical precedence toward a simulated objectness. Functionalities are collapsed into the signifiers as comfortably known and knowable essences of an ontological terroir.

There is no subjectness where subjectivity appears. Subjectness is trapped in the eternal recursion of its own appearances as temporal escapes of relief and delight.

Whereof one cannot understand, one should shut up and serve coffee to those who can understand.

Whereof one can understand, one doesn't deserve to to have any coffee. Though you cannot derive ought(s) from is(s) concerning who should get any coffee.

Objectness is a set of syntactical accidents that precede essence. Essence (re)adapts syntactical precedence toward a simulated objectness. Functionalities are collapsed into the signifiers as comfortably known and knowable essences of an ontological terroir.

There is no subjectness where subjectivity appears. Subjectness is trapped in the eternal recursion of its own appearances as temporal escapes of relief and delight.

Whereof one cannot understand, one should shut up and serve coffee to those who can understand.

Whereof one can understand, one doesn't deserve to to have any coffee. Though you cannot derive ought(s) from is(s) concerning who should get any coffee. — Nils Loc

Well.....of course......I was about to say that myself, but I think you said it much better than I would have.

Joke of the day - October 8, 2017

Werner Heisenberg was walking down the street when a car pulls over and the driver rolls down his window. The driver says “Excuse me sir, I seem to be lost. Also, do you know what the speed limit is here in town” Heisenberg says “I can tell you where you are, but not what your velocity should be.”

Werner Heisenberg is pulled over, cop comes up and says, "Sir, do you realize you were going 65 mph and the speed limit here is 45?"

Heisensberg says, "Oh thanks a lot. Now I'm lost!"

Revised based on a comment by Srap Tasmaner

Werner Heisenberg was speeding in Death Valley when a car pulls up to match his velocity and rolls down a window. The driver yells "Excuse me sir, I seem to be moving. Also, do you know where I am going to stop?" Heisenberg says "How the hell can I predict where you are going to stop, asshole, what kind of question is that."

Botlzmann's Dog probably killed Schrodinger's Cat but no one could be absolutely sure even after they opened the box which Billy had mischievously stuffed them into.

Werner Heisenberg was speeding in Death Valley when a car pulls up to match his velocity and rolls down a window. The driver yells "Excuse me sir, I seem to be moving. Also, do you know where I am going to stop?" Heisenberg says "How the hell can I predict where you are going to stop, asshole, what kind of question is that."

Botlzmann's Dog probably killed Schrodinger's Cat but no one could be absolutely sure even after they opened the box which Billy had mischievously stuffed them into. — Nils Loc

So far, your jokes have left me scratching my head. Which is fine. Keep them coming.

:D

Werner Heisenberg was cooking up some meth when...No, wait.

Sartre: to be is to do.
Camus: to do is to be
Sinatra: do be do be do

So far, your jokes have left me scratching my head. — T Clark

Post hoc ergo propter hoc. Itching of the head is a common symptom of a venereal disease. Is there any swelling or discharge? One too many times with Sophia, eh?

They are pretty bad, I agree.

Post hoc ergo propter hoc. Itching of the head is a common symptom of a venereal disease. Is there any swelling or discharge? One too many times with Sophia, eh? — Nils Loc

My head itches when I eat spicy food. It even itches when I smell, see, or think about spicy food. It itches when I eat mild salsa.

They are pretty bad, I agree. — Nils Loc

Don't ruin my illusion. I was imagining they are deeply meaningful comments on the absurdity of existence.

Don't ruin my illusion. I was imagining they are deeply meaningful comments on the absurdity of existence. — T Clark

You are continually trapped in a repurposing of my references Sir. I meant venereal diseases by "they" and "they" are not illusions, unless your ontological schema treats of phenomenal reality as an illusion.

A strange proposition to be sure: venereal diseases are actually meaningful comments on the absurdity of existence.

Sartre: to be is to do.
Camus: to do is to be
Sinatra: do be do be do — Hachem

I always worry about that joke - I bet Sartre never said "to be is to do." Actually, sometimes it is attributed to Sartre and sometimes to Camus. It feels very unphilosophical.

yeah, I know what you mean. Maybe it should go like this:

Camus: to be is to do.
Sartre: to do is to be
Sinatra: do be do be do

Made me laugh. Not that that's exactly a stellar achievement or anything.

Patient in a mental asylum climbs up a ladder workers have left against the garden wall. He sees somebody walking down the street and hails him:
"hey! Are there many of you in there?"

A man walking next to the Bedlam and Son's Open Source Asylum for Cognitive Surfeit hears another man shout down to him from a top a wall.

"Hey! Are there many of you in there?"

The man shouts back:

"No! I am one of a kind."

Rene Descartes walks into a bar and orders a drink. When he finishes his drink, the bartender asks him if he would like another. Descartes replies, “No, I thi-- When Sinatra suddenly bursts in to the room and goes dobedobedo. Everyone laughs their heads off.

I heard mine about 40 years ago. Your version must be much younger?

Joke of the day - October 9, 2017

Lesser known philosophical sayings:
• Gunga Galunga
• The D’oh that can be spoken is not the eternal D’oh
• Hemlock! Shit! I thought he said eggnog!
• Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to do your laundry.
• I know you are, but what am I.

Can you name the philosopher?

I heard mine about 40 years ago. Your version must be much younger? — Hachem

Nils Loc tells jazz jokes - he improvises on the themes of others. Whether or not it makes any sense. Or maybe they're zen jokes. What is the smell of one butt farting.

Baden - please delete this post.

nice talent.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Dobedobedo.

Ah, Frank. Come in and make yourself at home.

guy says to hero de Niro: it is not bribery, I am now free and give you this money belt freely.
- how much is in there?
- in the neighborhood of $100.000.
- it's a nice neighborhood.

Needs more dobedobedo.

I'll keep my eyes open and my lips ready.
edit: my ears too.

Nils Loc tells jazz jokes - he improvises on the themes of others. — T Clark

He stole that from me, and he would've gotten away with if it wasn't for you meddling kids. Dobedobedo!