This is the Golden Rule and it originated from the Hebrew Bible: “‘Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord." Lev 19:18 but it was Jesus who claimed that the Golden Rule was 'the whole law' or what epitomised the entirety of all the prophetic teachings. I think what it essentially ameliorates is empathy or our capacity to empathise as this is foundational to moral and ethical considerations.

Are you friends with murderers? I'm not, but even so, I adopt a sense of compassion in understanding what compels a person to such extremes because that enables me to understand the broader scope - whether familial or social or political - that help shape this murderer, that, and the concept of evil.

My impression is that love for one's self-has to come before being able to apply the golden rule in its true form or effectively. No?

I personally believe that we begin to understand 'love' as an application or process through empathy or the love that we have for others as this contrast activates our motivation - the very 'goodness' itself - and thus moral consciousness is awakened. Without empathy, that 'switch' in our brain is never on and how we apply ourselves is superficial at best. Think Ring of Gyges.

I don't think it would apply to a compassionate Buddhist or a narcissist or even a murderer or criminal. Why is that also? — Posty McPostface

Are you saying that someone wouldn't treat a narcissist better than themselves? Getting seduced by someone like that occurs all the time, in real life as well as online in places like this. People get conned by flowery language and fake masks, but this doesn't mean it's right to give more than you receive in a relationship. Equity is important to keep tabs on, especially in a friendship. If you're giving more than you're receiving, even if you're not being manipulated by a narcissist or psychopath, it's probably not healthy however you cut the mustard.

Consider masochists for a moment. A masochist might want themselves to be treated worse than how they want others to be treated. This makes little sense, but I'm sure that those sorts of people exist. Even so, I think that's different from someone who is treating other people very well but is getting nothing in return. That seems to be the crux of your topic - correct me if I'm wrong.

No, I'm saying that a narcissist is not concerned with treating people as well as themselves, so the saying has no bearing on their attitude to other people. They simply don't care about other people. What's most of importance to them is their own self.

Hmm, I'm not sure if I'd characterize narcissism like that. It isn't so much that the narcissist doesn't want others to be treated as well as them, just that they require a continued and constant supply from others. In other words, the narcissist allows for you to rule your own kingdom, so as they can rule theirs too. The catch is that if they want you, they will take you.

Also, is your title supposed to read, "Shouldn't you treat your friend as you would yourself?" If so, then I gotcha. If not, slap a posted note on my brain so I understand, please!

My whole point with the thread is that we often treat ourselves worse than how we would treat a friend in a similar situation.

Here's an example:

I got a bad grade on my final. So, now I feel angry at myself for some reason, the mental thoughts fly around saying I'm a failure or just suck at the subject or I label myself with some terms.

Now, a friend is in a similar situation, they did bad on a test, and you notice that they seem down and angry or frustrated. Your reaction won't (I hope) be that same as what you told yourself for getting a bad grade on your final. You would console them or tell them that next time they'll do better, or that it just wasn't a good day.

So, we tend to treat other people better than how we treat ourselves. The question is why?

I think it's out of the subconscious desire for love. We want to be consoled of our silly thoughts and so we often attempt to console others so that they might treat us well too.

Now, a friend is in a similar situation, they did bad on a test, and you notice that they seem down and angry or frustrated. Your reaction won't (I hope) be that same as what you told yourself for getting a bad grade on your final. You would console them or tell them that next time they'll do better, or that it just wasn't a good day. — Posty McPostface

You may do that to yourself, but if at that time your friend told you that you were a failure and that you suck at the subject etc, I doubt that you would you like it. What we tell ourselves is emotionally not as powerful as when others tell us. I always call myself a moron because I am a clutz and fall over or walk into walls (I don't know, don't ask), but I would probably feel upset if someone else said it to me and being conscious of that would never do to others what I know I would not like.

Empathy is not simply understanding a situation or concern, but understanding how they feel and the type of person that they are. Your decision to console your friend is based on a number of factors and the altruistic motivation contrasts and associates an awareness of our own subjective structure or moral agency. How we deliberate ethical and moral concerns and ultimately our behaviour and responses is usually based on our interactions with others; perhaps not so much narcissists as I agree with Buxte that it may be borne out of a need for love, but certainly sociopaths lacking the capacity for empathy lack the motivation (the 'switch' in the brain) that make them incapable of understanding how another person might feel.

My impression is that love for one's self-has to come before being able to apply the golden rule in its true form or effectively. No? — Posty McPostface

Self-love has to come first; that's the whole crux of the golden rule. The aphorism "Love your neighbor as you love yourself" would have no meaning otherwise. Self-love isn't possessive love (eros: narcissism); it has to be charity, or agape, self-less self-love.

Yeah, I thought that was an important point worth mentioning.