That's torturous and awful all round. I don't think you're being selfish btw. Nor do I think is there any point in punishing yourself further by thinking you might be. You are all suffering more than enough.

Best regards to you and your father, however this turns out.

:worry: That sounds terrible. May the grace of God give you and your family strength to get through this.

The hardest part is being alone with my thoughts. People's true colors come through. It's easy to be with people in times of joy but in times of what more can be said? The place gets deserted. I just need to be....

Every silver lining has got a touch of grey

We have figured out what is going on with my Dad. It is a diagnosis that I believe should have been found out long ago, years ago but we move forward and do not waste time on yesterday.

My Dad has been diagnosed with Bone Cancer, Pancreatic Cancer, Liver Cancer all advanced Stage 4 and a spot on one Kidney they believe to be Cancer. As a result of the terminal diagnosis, we decided to, as a family, discontinue seeking any further medical treatment.

Sunday we signed on Hospice so he is back at the nursing home and resting. He was eating 20% of his food and a little water but yesterday they found food pocketed in his mouth from the night before. For that reason they have discontinued any more food. He can no longer swallow, so they have discontinued all fluids. He is on Oxygen only for comfort and Morphine every 2 hours as needed. Since he cannot comunicate, they are going to be pretty liberal with the Morphine. They have Lorazapam on order in the event that his breathing gets labored. There have been friends and family visiting since 3 weeks ago but much more frequently now. There is no bedside vigil but that is only because I am not there yet.

I had to choose between going in for the rapid decline and staying here in AZ, to work a job, to earn the money to pay for the trip. I cancelled my job and then asked for it back, knowing that Dad is going to have who he wants there when he passes. If he wants me there, it will be, if not then I will have to find peace somewhere within me.

As I sob here, alone with my furry clients, in a place that is close to Heaven, I sincerely Thank each and every one of you that have helped me along this journey. It is not over but the destination is clear, my Dad's journey is now between he and his God, as he wanted it to be.

I am weak my friends and I don't know how to do this. I am begging for the grace of good people to know my heart's true intentions and to find comfort somewhere within the silence of endearing huggs.

Damn I need a hug....

I'll give you a hug, Tiff. *Hug* :hearts:

I'll give you a hug, Tiff. *Hug* :hearts: — Baden

Hugs Baden :hearts:

:flower: My Dad took his last breath almost 12 hrs ago and now knows the answer to one of life's fundamental questions about what happens after we cease living. He lived his life according to his belief in God and Heaven so I can only hope he has been received with love from those who have passed before. :flower:
He is out of pain and whole again. :heart: :heart: :heart:
Thank you for your love my friends~

My condolences, Tiff.

Sincere condolences. :flower:

@Baden@Posty McPostface
Thank you kindly for your condolences. :hearts:

Now, can I rant about the bitch?
She "cannot make it" to the private family viewing this morning before cremation because she has a "Doctor's Appointment"? :rage:
Are you duckin kidding me? A "Doctor's Appointment"? During the last time you will see your husband?

I think I am going to need to retain an attorney to represent me before my plane leaves Phoenix.
@Hanover
@Ciceronianus the White

Every silver lining has got a touch of grey — ArguingWAristotleTiff

This one, inspired by Psalm 23 ( https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+23&version=KJV):

@Hanover
I was thinking about asking this song to be played along with Ave Maria and Amazing Grace and it turns out the members of the Motab (The Mormon Tabernacle Choir) are not all that into the Dead. Go figure! I'll be singing it loud and clear! Cause I don't care! :flower: :heart: :flower:

Chocolate

I second the motion. :eyes:

:yum: :yum:

mmmmmmmm!

@Hanover
May Peace and Love prevail. :heart:

I haven't been posting much. :eyes:

@Posty McPostface :flower: :flower: :flower:

I haven't been posting much. :eyes: — Waya

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! <<<Did you hear that cause my dogs are howling now! Buahahaha pays to get up early!
How are your classes going?

The last word is "thwap".
Now ask me who.... :zip:

Haha. :joke: Classes are ,to say the least, interesting.....although difficult. :monkey:

Blessings

I need to post here more...but school.... yuck... I SHALL POST ANYWAY!!! And hope Posty doesn't see this...

I see you.

Nooooooooooo! :sweat:

I didn't immediately recognize that as an eye, but thought it a cosmic vagina.