Making My Peace With God
by Noah Te Stroete

How does one explain making peace with God? How does one explain the spiritual transformation? How it happened? Why it happened? These are legitimate questions, but I’m not certain my answers will be satisfactory to those who have not made peace with God. However, those who have know that these questions are never satisfactory to reason alone. Logical thinking such as deduction, induction, or abduction will not help anyone seeking answers to these questions. Religion and philosophy are fine, but making peace with God is more of an epiphany than anything. It’s a realization that the universe wasn’t created for the benefit of the self. It’s an awakening of the altruistic spirit. Reason can help one with the practical things of life, but reason doesn’t give one a purpose for living. A reason to keep going. A sense of belonging to this world and all its mysteries.
For me, the transformation or epiphany or awakening didn’t come at a moment of rational clarity. Nor did it come at a time of trial of the will or any other moment of any kind of significance in my life. It happened all of a sudden seemingly out of nowhere, as if something just hit me. I had spent a good deal of my life reasoning over the problems of philosophy and religion. The problem of evil in a world presided over by an omni-benevolent God. Why bad things happen to good people. Why there is pain and suffering. How is it that children, the most innocent among us, can develop bone cancer? How could God let that happen? Well, there may or may not be satisfactory answers to these questions for people who have not made peace with their Maker, but those of us who believe there is something going on in this existence that is greater than any individual, the message of this manifesto will probably seem familiar. I write this to strengthen those of us who will feel doubt at times, who lose faith. I write this because I feel that I have to. I write this because it is just something that I have to do. Why else do we do anything that we do? We feel compelled. It’s our purpose.

I was sitting on my couch one day, a place where I probably spend way too much of my time, and I just realized out of nowhere that the universe wasn’t created for my or any other individual’s benefit. This may seem like a banal or ordinary epiphany to those of us who spend our lives dedicated to the amelioration of others, but to a long-time atheist this realization was transformative. The world does not revolve around me. My comfort is not the endgame of the universe. In fact, any pain or suffering I have gone through in my life is nothing to take personally. Bad things happen to everyone. Even the most fortunate among us have trials and tribulations. Why do some people have more bad fortune than others and why do others seemingly get all the benefits from society? These are tough questions.
I believe that to ask these questions is natural but ultimately selfish. Everyone is on their own journey toward what the religious may call Enlightenment. What the Christians call being reborn. What I call being “awakened.” The physical world is only one aspect of existence. To focus on the material world is to miss the point of it all. The spiritual realm is where purpose comes from. Material existence matters for things such as comfort, physical pain, and physical suffering; but these things distract us from our true nature. Our true nature is spiritual. Dwelling on the material world leads to envy, jealousy, fear, anger, hate, and all the other selfish vices. Asking why Jeff Bezos has over $100 billion in net worth, and some children die of starvation is, believe it or not, selfish, in my humble opinion. It is a natural question to ask, however. I have long dwelled on this question. I have wrestled with it for years. I do not fault others for thinking about it. It is completely natural and wholly understandable.
Perhaps there is no satisfactory answer to those who have not found their peace. However, to those of us who believe in the Spirit, what I have to say will make sense. Spiritual sense. The universe wasn’t created for Jeff Bezos. The universe wasn’t created for the children who develop bone cancer. Jeff Bezos has trials of his own. He has to find spiritual meaning in a world that has given him all the material wealth that any person could ever hope for. He has to overcome the Pride of being the most successful person in the history of the world. If he is not careful, he could easily fall into the spiritual trap of believing that he is special. That he is chosen. This easily understandable failure of the spirit is all too common. God does not love him more than the child who develops bone cancer. In fact, the material wealth given to Jeff Bezos is more likely than not going to turn Mr. Bezos further away from God than the child with bone cancer. His temptation toward pride and hubris is almost insurmountable. How could one not believe that they are somehow more important than others given his situation? The child with bone cancer has innocence. She generally doesn’t ask, “Why me?” She just knows she’s in pain. We don’t know what her purpose is, but to reduce her existence to the self is to miss the point. Perhaps she is a vehicle to others finding their purpose. Perhaps her trial was meant for greater good in the world. The universe wasn’t created for her just as it wasn’t created for Jeff Bezos. We need to stop asking, “Why me?” and start asking, “What can I do to help?”
Now I am far from perfect myself. I’m sure I will have more doubts in the future. The trials of the material realm are very difficult. I am human. I have what the psychiatric professionals call schizoaffective disorder. People with this disorder are often self-focused. Maybe it’s understandable given that their inner worlds seem to be so against them. Hallucinations, delusions of persecution or grandeur. Acting out in odd ways. These symptoms often drive other people away. It’s very easy to ask, “Why me?” when mentally ill. That is my temptation.
When one realizes that the universe wasn’t created for one’s personal benefit, then one gains perspective. One TRULY realizes that “We are all in this together.” It becomes more than just a slogan. When one realizes that everyone has their own set of temptations toward glorifying the self, then one feels empathy and understanding. One FORGIVES ALL. I believe the most powerful message of religion and philosophy besides the Golden Rule (Treat others the way you would want to be treated), is the one given by Jesus. Ask forgiveness from God and forgive those who have hurt you. Forgive yourself for your sins and forgive others for theirs! The material world’s temptations are very often undeniable and giving in to them is all too understandable.
So now what? Do I believe the world will get better if others have this realization? I don’t know. I DO know there will still be pain and suffering. I DO know that people, including myself, will fall victim to selfish temptation at times, but I do feel better knowing that I am not alone anymore. I DO know that we all have trials and tribulations no matter how seemingly, at the surface, unfair in their degrees of difficulty. But asking about fairness is ultimately a selfish position. Now I finally know the meaning of “We are all in this together.” It’s not just a slogan anymore.