Make someone laugh so hard they almost have to suffocate a kitten to restore their equilibrium — BrianW

'almost'. It does not imply a reality. :lol:

Why did Socrates break up with his girlfriend?

He kept insisting on a Platonic relationship.

Er. I just made that up. :nerd:

Er. I just made that up. :nerd: — Baden

No worries. You’re safe here since very few ever visits page two. What happens in The Lounge stays in The Lounge, baby! :cool: < swigs a martini >

That's a relief. *Wipes sweat from brow*

How many nihilists does it take to change a light bulb? :chin:

A man is praying to God. "Lord," he prays, "I would like to ask you a question."
And the Lord replies, "no problem, go ahead."
"Lord, is it true that a million years to you is but a second?"
And the Lord says, "yes, that is true."
"Well then, what is a million dollars to you?" The man asks.
And the Lord says, "a million dollars to me is but a penny."
And the man says, "ah, then, lord, may I have a penny?"




(From "Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar... Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes")

"It's not you, it's me." — BrianW

It's not you, it's me. I can do better.

Anyway, as for my joke:

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?

:sweat:
Wait, I don’t get... oh. ewww! :rofl:

“In the view of such harmony in the cosmos which I, with my limited human mind, am able to recognize, there are yet people who says there is no God. But what makes me really angry is that they quote me for support of such views. (The Expanded Quotable Einstein, Princeton University, page 214)”

― Albert Einstein

A mathematician and an engineer agree to take part in an experiment. They are both placed in one end of a room and at the other end is a naked woman on a bed. They are allowed to move towards the woman but only half the distance every 30 seconds.
The mathematician exclaims, "this is pointless!" and storms out of the room. The engineer agrees to proceed with the experiment anyway. Seeing this, while on his way out, the mathematician calls out to the engineer, "can't you see they're messing with you? You'll never actually reach her!"
To that, the engineer responds, "so what? Pretty soon I'll be close enough for all practical purposes."

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

Merciful Greece: fat tourists on the island of Santorini will no longer be able to ride donkeys up the mountainside. They will have to walk. Too many donkeys have been injured carting lard asses around.

This is not a joke, but I found it quite amusing, even though I myself would have to forgo a ride on a jackass. Fat people may not be able to lose weight, but they can be more fit. So mach schnell, swine!

I once contemplated riding a mule down the path to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. I was much slimmer then. When I got there I was horrified to discover just how horrifying even standing on the path was; it gave me a panic attack, with that vast empty volume of space, let alone sitting five feet up on the back of a mule walking right along the edge, the way they do.

Plus, the mules were very arrogant about their confident sure-footedness.

Big shot lawyer says to aspiring partner, "I'm sorry, but we have to let you go. It's been 3 years and you're basically still an ambulance chaser. You're ridiculous, look at your peers, most have one or two big clients. What've you got?"
Aspiring partner replies, "Why should I settle for those small fish when I've got the biggest client ever? My client's got an endless supply of calamities for us to solve. I've been making more money than all my peers combined, are you sure you want to let me go?"
Big shot lawyer is surprised and asks, "Oh, who's this client?"

Aspiring partner replies,

Tins of canned ham at the border must be shivering in terror.

I forgot to mention the Soros funded toothpicks. That ham is gonna get skewered and served on a plate with cheese & crackers.

:lol: :rofl:

The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.
The Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong.

sounds like the next summer hit

Ying weeds and hardcore plants´ role in Nature is to pave the way for more delicate, but longer lasting, plants. They practice "terraforming" in badlands and abandoned urban areas. The same function is played by fast-reproducing-cheap-to-feed animals such as cockroaches or rats; they turn waste into edible food for other animals. Nature is so amazing, so well designed!