And, sure Hanover, you've been following my threads or life, and have been an impartial witness throughout the whole venture; but, you may have noticed that I've also quieted down considerably. I don't know if this is a sign of maturity; but, I just want to have an easy and happy life with my mom. — Wallows

It's the ebb and flow of interest. Everyone varies their frequency for whatever reason around here, without maintaining obsessive interest for too long a period.

Like I said, maybe you're a special case, but we all have a certain desire to just sit around the house sometimes because it's easy, but most of us realize that sitting most literally gets you nowhere. I fully expect that if you start sitting today and you really put your mind to it, you'll be in the same place tomorrow as today. Eat, sleep, maybe push the cat off your chest, change the channel, surf the net, repeat. It's not exactly living up to the capacity of your creation, but you're going to do what you're going to do regardless of what anyone says.

It seems at this point you're trying to relieve yourself of the guilt of doing nothing all day, so you tell us the tale of feminism and societal pressure and whatnot. Once you can feel good about living with mom and having her dote on her little Wallows, you can carry on a little better I guess.

It's like the quitter who feels bad about quitting so he convinces himself that quitting isn't all that bad. The problem is that it is.

It's like the quitter who feels bad about quitting so he convinces himself that quitting isn't all that bad. The problem is that it is. — Hanover

You sound like my therapist who quit or changed offices, who kept on asking me whether I want to get better? I have a roof over my head, a warm bed I spend most of my time in, food in the fridge, a very loving mother, clean clothes, a decent neighborhood, a nice house, hiking trails if I ever get the urge to go outside (very rare). What more can I ask for.

See, this has been a problem that goes back to my childhood. I've never been competitive, subscribed to the self-esteem movement, that everyone is special and should be treated that way, love feminism, hate indoctrination, tolerate tradition and observe it as anyone else.

What I'm trying to say is that I kind of grew up with a silver spoon in my mouth. Yet, it has never manifested in vanity or inflated pride over nothing. Rather, a docile sense of calm and coolness with a lot of procrastination.

But, before you judge that I've never tried at anything in life, just remember that I tried the military, college, and the 9-5 life, and couldn't complete any of them. Where I ended up is here on disability, reading posts on here every day.

You might be wondering if I set myself up for this very early retirement plan with the social security disability pay and possibly growing some pot in the garage to supplant my income? Yes, I think I have. I chose the path of least resistance and it's not going all that bad if you really care for my opinion.

Thanks for the background, but I don’t think it changes my view of the situation much.

What I'm trying to say is that I kind of grew up with a silver spoon in my mouth. Yet, it has never manifested in vanity or inflated pride over nothing. Rather, a docile sense of calm and coolness with a lot of procrastination.

But, before you judge that I've never tried at anything in life, just remember that I tried the military, college, and the 9-5 life, and couldn't complete any of them. Where I ended up is here on disability, reading posts on here every day.

You might be wondering if I set myself up for this very early retirement plan with the social security disability pay and possibly growing some pot in the garage to supplant my income? Yes, I think I have. I chose the path of least resistance and it's not going all that bad if you really care for my opinion. — Wallows

No vanity or inflated pride? Really? Are you sure? I’ve no doubt that living in a closed-off world where everything and everyone revolves around you is wonderful. Wouldn’t we all like to live in that kind of world! You’ve created quite a little kingdom, haven’t you? No wonder you have no interest in getting better. Where’s the incentive?

But in answering my questions, you did miss one out, so I’ll repeat it: How do you show unconditional love to your mother? Because if loving unconditionally is helping them to develop and grow as a person, I wonder if you even know who your mother is apart from what she does for you. I wonder if she even knows, or has ever allowed herself to think about it without feeling guilty.

The thing about being a mother these days is that we assume responsibility for how our children turn out - more so, I think, when the father abandons his part. There seems like so much pressure on us to try and pave the way for them and protect them from all harm - including the avoiding experiences of short term pain, loss and humiliation that actually strengthen their character in the long run. What we create in the end are children who are ill-equipped to manage the difficulties of life without their mother there to continue paving the way.

But we don’t mind. It’s one of the hardest things to do as a mother: to give up that awesome and total responsibility for the life of another. It gives us a sense of power and control, and we learn that we can hold onto that power as long as we want, because it’s also up to us to relinquish it - to give it as a gift to our children, and show them how to manage it - or to teach them that the responsibility is ours.

We teach our children to become confident and capable by gradually stepping back and saying ‘now you give it a go’, then picking them up when they fall, and saying ‘almost - try it again, but this time, try...’. But we also hurt when our children hurt, so it’s much easier on us to say ‘don’t worry, let me do it for you’. That doesn’t teach them to manage the inevitability of pain, loss or humiliation long term, but it helps us as mothers to avoid these experiences ourselves, short term.

You sound like my therapist who quit or changed offices, who kept on asking me whether I want to get better? I have a roof over my head, a warm bed I spend most of my time in, food in the fridge, a very loving mother, clean clothes, a decent neighborhood, a nice house, hiking trails if I ever get the urge to go outside (very rare). What more can I ask for. — Wallows

You live the life of my cat, which is a nice life if you're a cat.

If all's hunky dory, why the therapist?

And what's up with your not knowing if your therapist quit or changed offices? Didn't feel like exploring wu happen?

See, this has been a problem that goes back to my childhood. I've never been competitive, subscribed to the self-esteem movement, that everyone is special and should be treated that way, love feminism, hate indoctrination, tolerate tradition and observe it as anyone else. — Wallows

Your attempt to describe yourself as simply shiftless seems trollish, as if it's motivated by some desire to evoke annoyance by those who adhere to traditional views of responsibility and conscientiousness. As we all know, the truth is far more complex than that. You have told us you have been on some pretty heavy psychiatric medications, been diagnosed with some form of schizophrenia, and are completely disabled. For some reason you want us to believe that really you're just lazy and working the system, playing along so that you can hang out and do nothing but be fully taken care of.

You might be wondering if I set myself up for this very early retirement plan with the social security disability pay and possibly growing some pot in the garage to supplant my income? Yes, I think I have. I chose the path of least resistance and it's not going all that bad if you really care for my opinion. — Wallows

My choices are that you are (1) an evil genius or (2) suffering from mental illness? I choose #2, simply because you've told us that you've been so diagnosed.

That doesn’t teach them to manage the inevitability of pain, loss or humiliation long term, but it helps us as mothers to avoid these experiences ourselves, short term. — Possibility

I wallow, so I digress.

Anyway, I have a nice kingdom as you noted. But, I share my kindgdom with my mom. Did I tell you my father wants to take away that kingdom and keep it for himself? So, I out there all day thinking about how to prove to the court how he abandoned his fiduciary duty. So, no. It's not all about me. It's about us, and the pain and suffering my mother experienced as my father abused her physically and emotionally in another country, which we left to come back to home here in the USA.

Ask me anything else that fancies your mind. I have a clear conscious that I am not cradling my way to my grave on the shoulders of my mother. I hope to grow old with her and follow her to the grave when that finally is unavoidable.

You live the life of my cat, which is a nice life if you're a cat. — Hanover

I am a pig, so I digress.
A happy and content pig nonetheless.

Your attempt to describe yourself as simply shiftless seems trollish, as if it's motivated by some desire to evoke annoyance by those who adhere to traditional views of responsibility and conscientiousness. — Hanover

Well, I have no money to go and move out, am disabled as you noted aptly, and like my abode, so I'm not screaming or whining.

You have told us you have been on some pretty heavy psychiatric medications, been diagnosed with some form of schizophrenia, and are completely disabled. — Hanover

All true. I am disabled. What about it?

For some reason you want us to believe that really you're just lazy and working the system, playing along so that you can hang out and do nothing but be fully taken care of. — Hanover

There is some truth to that. People come from Syria with arms or legs blown off or soldiers come back to the States with PTSD and struggle with suicidal thoughts. I have my arms, I have my legs, haven't been to war and sadly I would have loved to die on the battlefield, but I digress.

Point is, I can improve my situation by making more of an effort in my life to make more money and buy my mother a Model 3, so that she doesn't have to rely on me to drive of freeways, which she can't.

Actually, if you really want to know I was just today speaking for a costly hour with her lawyer about how we're going to pin down my father during the upcoming deposition he and my mother are going to face. I hope I devised a way to nail him on some issues (what counts as community property here and there in Poland). We're really struggling to make ends meet and are paying our lawyer on credit.

So, no. It's not all rainbows and unicorns in my world. A lot of frustration, dealing with depression, and anger is apter a description.

Ask me anything else that fancies your mind. I have a clear conscious that I am not cradling my way to my grave on the shoulders of my mother. I hope to grow old with her and follow her to the grave when that finally is unavoidable. — Wallows

And yet you still won’t answer my question.

And yet you still won’t answer my question. — Possibility

Yet, we do grow happily together.

How can it be otherwise?