Meant seem to forget *ever developing the urge to looking back* on their (parents') own childhood curiosities.

What I notice is that you have good insight and clarity of thought, and I surely don't see your reactions as abnormal considering what you have been through. You have objective evidence that some people have been targeting you, so it's not a delusion to consider the possibility that some of them could target you through technological means. But indeed it is unlikely, and don't focus too much on the possibilities and the what-ifs that you forget to live the present, life is full of uncertainties and we can't ever control them all.

You have been through a lot because of others, so you have developed defense mechanisms, one of them being to question their intentions and what they could possibly do to hurt you. This mechanism is more developed in you than in most other people, you needed it to preserve yourself, so when you ponder possibilities too much other people can perceive it as if you are living in another reality, but that doesn't make you sick or crazy, and that doesn't make you deserving of rejection, on the contrary you deserve to be accepted and supported. You are more compassionate than many of them.

As far as my diagnosis of schizophrenia, I was diagnosed when I was nineteen after my first major breakdown. I became anorexic because I developed a religious fixation to fasting, in a desperate attempt to to be pure and faithful enough toward God to merit being rid of the "demon" inhabiting my body (the "demon" being my sexual thoughts and orientation). I was also in constant fear that I had inadvertently committed or would inevitably commit the one unforgivable Christian sin -- blasphemy against the holy spirit. — THX1138

You were labeled schizophrenic because of a delusion that was inserted into you by other people (pastors and church members), that you had a demon in you to get rid of. You integrated this delusion because they were forcing you to take it and you had no outside support to push it away. Then presumably these people weren't in a state of suffering like you were so they didn't consult mental health practitioners and they weren't labeled as schizophrenic, you are the one who got to bear the stigma of this label when they are the ones who forced this delusion into you.

And to this day you wear this label, as if you were somewhat sick or crazy, but I see you as neither, from all your posts what I see is someone who has suffered and who has coped to the best of his abilities with what he was facing. I see you simply as a human being who needs support and love, and I'm glad you can find some through talking with some people here.

Have you ever thought of moving to a different city? It seems where you live you encounter many people who know you and hold negative prejudices against you, it could be helpful to start anew in a place where you are not frequently disturbed by negative influences that make the healing process more difficult.

And to this day you wear this label, as if you were somewhat sick or crazy, but I see you as neither, from all your posts what I see is someone who has suffered and who has coped to the best of his abilities with what he was facing. I see you simply as a human being who needs support and love, and I'm glad you can find some through talking with some people here. — leo

I've seen this kind of anti-psychiatry sentiments here and on Facebook. I don't know what purpose telling THX1138 that he isn't really schizophrenic serves here. The doublethink is a cause of distress and anxiety for any particular person.

What I notice is that you have good insight and clarity of thought, and I surely don't see your reactions as abnormal considering what you have been through. You have objective evidence that some people have been targeting you, so it's not a delusion to consider the possibility that some of them could target you through technological means. But indeed it is unlikely, and don't focus too much on the possibilities and the what-ifs that you forget to live the present, life is full of uncertainties and we can't ever control them all. — leo

Leo, your ability to convey an unprejudiced third-party perspective (so to speak) to my circumstance is a cool drink of spring water in a mirage riddled arid desert. Your compassion in the form of an adroit and Objective approach means a lot to me. I hope I get to know more of you on PF (I'm guessing this might be the commonly used abbreviation of 'The Philosophy Forum'), because I feel an affinity to you, like we may be kindred spirits.

Most people would write off behaving erratically all because I'm schizophrenic. They forget, I'm also Human, and that any bona fide Human being would come apart at the seams given the circumstances, regardless of mental condition, gender ("She's hysterical!"), age ("They're just throwing childish tantrums"), level of intelligence ("Pay him no mind, he's the village idiot"), etc.

A lot of people have a tendency to complacently downplay others' injustices, especially when they can box them in some distant-from-me categorization. This is dangerous... quite dangerous. I believe there should be a non-dissmissve approach and methodology to considering an issue anyone presents. And, even when one comes to their own personal conclusion based on their criteria of credibility, they should at all times compose themselves with decency and not be so arrogant as to consider the opinion they've reach as absolute, irrefutable nor universal.

In my experience, people with this attitude oftentimes seem to believe that if you don't see how their process of determination is foolproof and how their deduction is unquestionably correct, that failing to agree must mean you're not intelligent enough to realize they've cleverly figured out the only possible answer to a far reaching issue with many implications; like it's ever as straightforward as giving a two dimensional explanation to a three dimensional problem -- seemingly facilitated by broad generalizations and strong, dismissive assumptions.

I may be Schizophrenic, but that doesn't make me as inept in accurately perceiving and confirming what goes on around me, not as much as people casually believe.

This is also why I am a firm believer of maintaining some self-doubt when "God-moding" through issues one can't Humanly concieve all the attributable elements factored in, nor thoroughly ever really know the detailed conditional nature of every elemental puzzle piece.

To jump to the verdict that someone must then be wrong in a closed-ended way is just as (in)accurate. How could you possibly definitively know that they are "wrong"? How is felt emotional abuse and ambivalence something that is handled with a "right" or "wrong" formulation? What anyone feels is subjective. Like art, emotions do not qualify as something that can be classified to being wrong nor incorrect in and of itself.

But again, if the factual occurances experienced resulting in someone's subjective perception bringing forth felt distress and instability are what is deemed invalid, than prove why it's invalid.

If insisting that there's no other possible explanation, one must back their thesis with factual, objective evidence.

Otherwise, it's at best skepticism reinforced by statistical probability. There's a chance such a calculation may be correct -- it may even be likely -- but, there's insufficient proof to conclusively accept that said notion is indeed fact, or to be the case as the only alternative default when involving someone who's schizophrenic.

Schizophrenia is often very specific and systematic in what aspects of perception it tinges -- and even in those instances, schizophrenia can merely be augmenting something that is exaggeratingly -- but not necessarily misleadingly -- being perceived. People know this, and a fractional sadistic few actually do go about covertly exploiting this Achilles' heel. It works because of the cruel paradox that it's attributing schizophrenia that's to blame for it, when in truth, it's those to blame that attribute it to schizophrenia. This isn't always the case, but is a common enough phenomenon that is still astonishingly widely doubted, even with all sorts of pervasive cases of general abuse being cited commonly enough.

Legitimate abuse isn't discriminatory. People whom have identifiable points of weakness that scumbags (parents, coworkers, classmates, siblings, etc.) pick up on are targets of abuse throughout. Why would a schizophrenic be passed up? -- because bullies are somehow exceptionally considerate when it comes to schizos? Anyone who no-joke feels this way is possibly tremendously fortunate to not only not personally experience abuse but also not have enough exposure to others' being mistreated in underestimating abusers' predation.

Worse than the few abusers are the many enablers, which really do seem to apply to being the majority of the population.

"And to this day you wear this label, as if you were somewhat sick or crazy, but I see you as neither, from all your posts what I see is someone who has suffered and who has coped to the best of his abilities with what he was facing. I see you simply as a human being who needs support and love, and I'm glad you can find some through talking with some people here."
— leo

I've seen this kind of anti-psychiatry sentiments here and on Facebook. I don't know what purpose telling THX1138 that he isn't really schizophrenic serves here. The doublethink is a cause of distress and anxiety for any particular person. — Wallows

The gist I took from Leo's comment is that not everything I experience is automatically made invalid all because hey, I'm Schizophrenic. That's bogus. Daunting conditions are duanting conditions, and are not extenuated by nor credited to degree of sanity. Sanity (or lack there of) does not have some surreal effect on non-internal happenings that individuals -- whom by coincidence are schizophrenic -- actually physically go through in reality.

If someone throws sand at both a sane person and a schizophrenic, they'll both end up covered in and perhaps also scraped by sand alike -- and if who threw the sand is a stranger to them and yells "you deserved that!", indicating bad intention, it would make sense to feel mutually offended. The difference may be that it might be easier for the non-schizophrenic to emotionally recover from the incident -- but the incident itself is not downplayed or questioned -- especially when there are scrapes that evidence and mark the trauma of the experience -- and it's understandable for both to feel mentally troubled by physical assault.

Plus, I don't feel like I need a record of every incident that happens to me out in the real world to prove legitimacy or accuracy just because of my condition. I percive sight, hear sound, can feel touch just like any other person. Being Schizophrenic doesn't make me that unreliable.

In the respect that the causes of my significant traumas were not Schizophrenic holograms, very much variables in reality imposed on me out of my control and against my will, I affirm Leo's notion.

Schizophrenia isn't my label. I don't consider myself to be sick, nor crazy. Yes, I have suffered, and am coping to the best of my abilities with what I'm facing, which are very much products of reality, but as a side-effect made furthermore unbearable by my condition -- a condition I have, not am. Yes, what I ultimately am is a Human being -- the very designation that happens to be overlooked while being considered by others.

What I believe Leo is underscoring is that Schizophrenia has as much to do with my from-the-outside-in experience mistreatment as having brown hair being the defining factor in seeing light. No one is brown hair, having brown hair doesn't cause nor negate being able to see light. I am not Schizophrenia, having (not being) Schizophrenia doesn't cause nor negate being able to experience mistreatment. Both light and mistreaters are independent of brown hair and Schizophrenia. Light does make it possible to see brown hair. Mistreatment does make it possible to see Schizophrenia. But otherwise, I'm not really Schizophrenia, nor am I brown hair. My mistreatment isn't really Schizophrenia, it's reality, the same objective reality anyone of any degree of sanity is able to percive in practically the exact same way (and in turn, feel about in their subjective way).

The gist I took from Leo's comment is that not everything I experience is automatically made invalid all because hey, I'm Schizophrenic. That's bogus. — THX1138

No, that would be a hasty overgeneralization and I never meant to imply that all you experience is automatically invalid, which is as you say "bogus".

Daunting conditions are duanting conditions, and are not extenuated by nor credited to degree of sanity. Sanity (or lack there of) does not have some surreal effect on non-internal happenings that individuals -- whom by coincidence are schizophrenic -- actually physically go through in reality. — THX1138

Hah, but, you could never become a police officer or soldier in the military. Just keeping it real here.

Being Schizophrenic doesn't make me that unreliable. — THX1138

True, but it ain't no walk in the park either. Those demons in the forest down by the mountain are quite terrifying and real too.

Hah, but, you could never become a police officer or soldier in the military. Just keeping it real here. — Wallows

And I couldn't be more relived to be comforted by that fact. Policing others and taking lethal commands have never been aspirations I've gravitated toward, really.

True, but it ain't no walk in the park either. Those demons in the forest down by the mountain are quite terrifying and real too.

Demonic representations have always been allegorically thought up to symbolize the real evil that plagues Humanity -- their own negative thoughts and dark impulses. That's definitely not unique to Schizophrenia, not by a long shot.

And I couldn't be more relived to be comforted by that fact. Policing others and taking lethal commands have never been aspirations I've gravitated toward, really. — THX1138

I respect your attitude or stance towards the issue. But, discounting or downplaying the fact that you are or aren't schizophrenic, per leo's post is not sound advice.

But, let's assume that you're having a moment of clarity here on this forum, and are in fact not schizophrenic, then what's the point to going to therapy or taking the meds? See here's the doublethink manifest.

Demonic representations have always been allegorically thought up to symbolize the real evil that plagues Humanity -- their own negative thoughts and dark impulses. That's definitely not unique to Schizophrenia, not by a long shot. — THX1138

If memory serves me right, then I was under the impression that delusions of reference, delusions of persecution, and hearing (often) demonic voices are all typical for schizophrenics. But, this really isn't the appropriate place to talk about these issues despite you, perhaps, wanting to.

Wa

I respect your attitude or stance towards the issue. But, discounting or downplaying the fact that you are or aren't schizophrenic — Wallows

Wallow, I'm glad you've taken an interest in my thread. You may hold the typical connotative notions between Schizophrenia and Law Enforcement/positions requiring looking out for civilians by "danger scoping" that I'm eager to reasonably brain-pick.

Plus, I have insight that you're probably uber grateful that you were re-diagnosed, for some specific reason, seemingly underlying a desired sense of competence at no longer being considered schizophrenic.

Wallow, do you see Schizophrenics as a class of individuals whom are oppositional to "heroic" types (police, military personnel, firefighters, your general look-out-for-the-good-people-of-our-community position types)?

I believe there's much shame and dishonor in choosing to be a corrupt cop -- which can be found throughout this and outside nations. I don't feel the same way or see how it's at all side-by-side comparable when someone has the choiceless misfortune to be afflicted with a condition like Schizophrenia, however.

I guess it all comes down to being a matter of choice of action, eh?

You may hold the typical connotative notions between Schizophrenia and Law Enforcement/positions requiring looking out for civilians by "danger scoping" that I'm eager to reasonably brain-pick. — THX1138

I'm acutely aware of the fact that schizophrenics are non-violent people. But, I've been to group therapies in my local behavioral health clinic, and most clinicians are aware of the fact that the majority of homeless people have mental health issues. So, not to pigeonhole you here, but, the issue is quite complex and a positive affirmation on the interwebs about a diagnosis of one's mental health is quite dangerous and problematic.

Plus, I have insight that you're probably uber grateful that you were re-diagnosed, for some specific reason, seemingly underlying a desired sense of competence at no longer being considered schizophrenic. — THX1138

Well, I still take the same meds a schizophrenic or bipolar patient does as an insurance policy. See, derealization through confirmation bias is just too easy a lure for many people suffering from mental health issues on the internet. I'm just trying to point that out to you.

Wallow, do you see Schizophrenics as a class of individuals whom are oppositional to "heroic" types (police, military personnel, firefighters, your general look-out-for-the-good-people-of-our-community position types)? — THX1138

As far as I'm aware most schizophrenics would jump at the idea of becoming a hero and recognition from society that they are worth more than they think they are worth in societies eyes.

If memory serves me right, then I was under the impression that delusions of reference, delusions of persecution, and hearing (often) demonic voices are all typical for schizophrenics. But, this really isn't the appropriate place to talk about these issues despite you, perhaps, wanting to. — Wallows

First of all, just because someone is prone to delusions -- but has enough self-awareness to doubt their paranoia and suspicions -- doesn't necessarily mean they can't accurately infer legitimate torment, not by demons, by what demons are inspirational representations of, the dark side of the Human condition.

In my case, I did not audibly hear demons, and I've never hallucinated. The demonic theme in my delusions was a result of religious suggestion.

It could've been the dragon Grendel of Pagan lore if my Druid mother decided to response what was lying around dogmatically at the time and I would've gone dungeon dragons.

As far as I'm aware most schizophrenics would jump at the idea of becoming a hero and recognition from society that they are worth more than they think they are worth in societies eyes. — Wallows

Sigh, and... there it is.

Not everyone wants to be a hero in order to at least not be seen in either extreme -- heroically nor antagonistically. Both ultimatums sound exhausting to someone who just wants to walk down the street, buy some bread and grapes, stroll via the scenic route home, and enjoy a snack while proceeding to continue working on an oil painting with as much care of the rest of the world as any dime-a-dozen non-hero, nay terrorizer. Saying that you believe the majority of Schizophrenics wish resorting to heroism to achieve some status change in society's eyes misses the point. Society needs to stop looking at Schizophrenics being substantially Schizophrenic. Stop doing that. Also, there are individuals whom are more likely to ruin society than us. Try, oh, I dunno, repeat offenders, people whom hurt and rape people and get away by intimidating their victims, neglectful "parents", look into kids that are acting out (hint, hint, it's an indicator of abuse), etc. Stop defaulting to pouring all the societal evils in the Schizophrenic beaker, we have enough to sort through.

Saying that you believe the majoritu of Schizophrenics wish resorting to heroism to achieve some status change in society's eyes misses the point. — THX1138

I'm not sure if you're being honest here. I'm going to (probably unsuccessfully) disentangle some things here. You stated that you found some sense of satisfaction in the relationship with the older man as some sort of act of defiance from society. Am I right here or is this a straw man?

You're miscorrelating my way of attempting to undo years of put downs in my way of thinking at ten years old with how I presently am at odds with the individuals in society I encounter in public.

Wallow, I do not want to be these people's hero. If you are insinuating I somehow want to be these don't-know-better (nor find it in themselves to try contemplating differently) people's enemy, that's definitely not the case. When it comes to most of society, I don't really want to invest in making a difference -- "good" or "bad". I would like to be in the company of like minded peers whom I can relate to. Thankfully, I'm already off to a good start.

I guess the question is, what percentage of society have the mindset of thinking of the people as a whole in terms of "society"? Why should I then have to? Or be chided for wanting to be as unconcerned about "society" at large, not unlike the vast majority often are? Because I'm schizophrenic, and somehow owe a debt to "society"? lol

Society is what it is. It has evolved and will continue to regardless of my carbon footprint. My eff-you! to society was just like their poor-you's toward me -- not about anyone but themselves/myself. How can I be intent on trying to bend over backward for a society that just wants to be itself, even if I don't have a great opinion of the present societal self.

If anyone understands craving that serenity, it's this guy here. How arrogant and egocentric it would be to feel society owes me or vice versa, that one of us had it right and the other needs to pay penance -- egh. I don't want to be a hero as much as I don't want to find myself in some twilight zone epic.

Then I was mistaken. I think I've run out of steam for the day, so I'll call it a night. Hope to see you posting more threads about your relationship with society or yourself.

Best regards.

My relationship to society in the context of our respective selves.

And sure, I'll be around.

Night Wallow. :yawn:

I respect your attitude or stance towards the issue. But, discounting or downplaying the fact that you are or aren't schizophrenic, per leo's post is not sound advice.

But, let's assume that you're having a moment of clarity here on this forum, and are in fact not schizophrenic, then what's the point to going to therapy or taking the meds? See here's the doublethink manifest. — Wallows

I know you've left, but I back tracked and found I had to address your input here.

I doubt that was Leo's intent. And btw, there are alternatives to managing delusional thinking that do not involve drugs (which I have a feeling you'd very much oppose, seeing how excited you've become in some read into outcome of me going off my meds and... what? -- lol -- It'll probably seem alarming that despite being diagnosed with Schizophrenia by the age of nineteen, I'm now thirty and have only begun taking psychotropic drugs since this past March :scream: :snicker: )

... I really wish people were as prone to pushing medication on the recklessly violent as they are people struggling with delusionional thinking whom have enough self control not to break or damage the people in their proximity. That should be looked into.

Also, it comes off as patronizing when you blurt things out like "let's assume that you're having a moment of clarity here on this forum", like admitting I have Schizophrenia now means I am statically nebulous with only sporadic flickers of lucidity. That's inaccurate man.

Honestly, the point of me going on this regiment of meds and therapy is to do some damage control. I got mixed up with a nefarious bunch some months ago whom proceeded to play on the very themes of paranoia I confided to share with them. Before divulging my personal themes of paranoia to some drug focused heavy users (not the non-corrupt doctor prescribed, over-the-counter type of drug users) of the intimate details over what I was psychologically haunted by, I effectively kept my psychotic PH at a stable 7. But, then these guys started making threats and overtly calling me out (on one part accurate, eight parts made-up info). Soon enough, they perpetuated very speculative and accusatory musings focused on my paranoia to be taken as fact.

I broke down. I tried committing suicide (I won't mention the method, but it did not involve using a gun, blade -- not any weapon -- nor drugs), ending up being involuntary admitted to a psychward. I was released a week later, handed meds, and given a referral appointment to both a psychiatrist and therapist.

While I was in there, I missed paying for my efficiency and have been homeless since.

That's my deal. But I have hope to not be homeless for too long. Oddly enough, being out here has releasesed me of some misconceived notions I held before.

My experience may differ from yours Wallow, in that most of the fellow homeless people I encounter aren't mentally ill at all. A lot of these people have their own personal reasons for in their way embracing homelessness, actually. Like the basis of mental illness, the causes behind homelessness are not cut and dry, or have common singular, all-encompassing characteristics (like all feeling somehow rejected by society, for instance). It's implicitly more complex than that.

Back to play the therapist again. Maybe I should start psychologizing myself more. Haha.

Anyway, I want to highlight the fact that you receive benefits from society in terms of disability payments of some 600-700 USD a month depending on where you live. You stated that you were hospitalized due to an unsuccessful attempt at suicide fairly recently. So, society ain't all that bad. People, on the other hand, can be. So, I suppose what I'm trying to do is prod on your super-ego and encourage you to better yourself rather than get stuck in these endless rationalizations that can be psychology along with sticking with the wrong crowd, which can be exacerbated by homelessness. You've pretty much outlined your life struggles on these forums, and have found a semblance of care or empathy from others. I guess, I've fulfilled my role as forum therapist and hope you find your way in life. I'll shut up for now, then.

No, society isn't all one way or the other. I feel very confident that as the societies within nations concerned with inclusion and comprehension progress and evolve, situations like mine will take a different course for some fortunate members of the whole.

None of us are all around enlightened in all sectors that pertain to functioning well as a network. I may have insight on a particular form of dark ways parents and institutions treat homosexuality as a problem -- to the point of them generalizing it with the onset of coincidental illness -- and erroneously trying to go about in nullifying it, with ineffective tactics of "conversion", hoping that bestowing, condoning and facilitating mortification would all come together to eradicate such a nature, alright.

I can't really say I believe that experience makes me exceptionally empathic enough to safeguard me from still forming ignorant notions of my own though. It does humble me to be much more open to edification, and that I feel grateful for. I still catch myself missing the mark when I put myself on the spot for something a casually remark inconsiderately or an opinion I may find hypocritical of me -- of all people -- to arrive at. But this resulting reflex to look twice, then, look twice again as I'm crossing other complications not pertinent to me when I look from the outside in is to me possibly the best attribute of my person.

If someone is open to edification, then they aren't beyond hope of being doomed to perpetual ignorance.

As far as my aid, yes, my means are redirected from society. My parents, my grandparents, and extended family (as much as I don't care for them on a personal level) have all contributed and continue to contribute to that source of distribution. In a way, when it comes to me, they are quite literally paying their dues when I zoom out to look at the bigger picture (though this isn't the entirity of how ultimately look at it in hindsight, but, do in part feel this way). But, in that respect, I was a match for a kidney transplant my cousin needed four years ago and donated one of mine to her, so, I do feel I've paid the benefit of having a healthy set of kidneys forward to someone whose contribution in turn benefited me. It works both ways with no singular "penance" -- which, to me, is kind of a harsh, close-ended word to denote to this perspective. I more see it as the settling of turbulence in rebalancing... organic equilibrium.

It's just that sometimes there are under-challenged injustices that get in the way of that cyclical undulation. We can all only do our best to understand and support one another.

This is my first post. Hi Everyone.
I was drawn to this thread partly because of the moniker of the original poster (amazing movie - or at least, it was before George Lucas completely lost the plot and... well, I guess that's off-topic). But also because it seemed like a fairly on-topic place to post one of my main concerns about joining.
Specifically, I am wondering about this site's privacy policy. I was unable to find one. I'm also wondering if PlushForums gets my data as a result of me posting here.

I suspect I am being consistently tracked and casually harassed. — THX1138

What do you suppose makes you so interesting that people would be tracking you?

They may then weaponize the information they've gleaned against such an individual. — THX1138

How would anyone do that? Give a specific example of the info that would have been gained, how it would be "weaponized," and to what end.

What do you suppose makes you so interesting that people would be tracking you? — Terrapin Station

I question that myself.

Candidly judging myself in general, I'm dull in terms of arousing anyone's interest (among other contexts).

I reside in a tent a quarter of a mile deep off a heavily wooded, scantily developed on single to and fro lane road (other than about four residential neighborhoods, a fire station, and recreational park spread out throughout the area I reside off of). I'm 31, homely, kinda wild haired, wild eyed, scruffy looking, overweight, and if I haven't had a chance to fill up my water jugs -- and give myself a nice shock-cold shower and/or slap on some deodorant on a given day, give off an odor that's indicative of sweat and armpit (as unpleasant as the connotation is to most -- probabIy all -- whom are still reading on through the posts of this thread).

I consider it's very unlikely that if I actually am being kept tabs on, that being in any way interesting to my probers is the incentive which suffices furthered curiosity sparked by anything personally interesting about me to anyone with at least average tastes.

Still, no one has to be particularly interesting to be a "person of interest."

Now, I know this is the juncture in which most will think to themselves and relate to others the predictable response of "Ahh... this is telling of the influence his mental illness has on his approach to reasoning out his suspicion." Hey, it may be nothing more than that. If it actually is, I wish it seemed that way to me.

Now, why would I be a "person of interest", you may wonder. That's still one I'm trying to get a more complete idea of, but am for the most part convinced is a significant, if not the significant factor (not if I am a "person of interest", more that I most likely am. I'm just not sure to whom exactly, but do believe it's one and/or more of the group's of people I suspect).

First of all, I think it's quite accurate to consider that male loners in their mid twenties and up, whom display antisocial traits, whom don't agree with a significant amount of widely accepted and reinforced notions of morality (along with a few notions of legality, in my case), being mentally ill, are homeless and out and about have a high probability of being individuals seen as cause of alarm when dwelling in a local area. Even before I myself became this way, as a child I noticed other individuals fitting this criteria always seemed to be looked at contemptiously with distrust, treated with brewing hostility and regarded as a cautionary tale of shame. I'm no exception.

My unideal ideals can be considered radical, but are more so seemingly seen as henious.

What are the blasphemous notions I maintain?

My deviation regarding age of consent is already presented in this thread. My feelings on right to privacy (or at least if someone is going to be subject to having their personal life rummaged through, that the investigation be conducted with the consideration of the rights the suspect -- not convict, suspect -- being looked into.)

I have slipped up and committed acts that did actually infringe on the rights of others in the past. These were breif and momentary in each case, but my tendency to eventually commit another violation of someone's personal rights seems periodically repetitive. Most recently, I moved back from another State to Florida on April of 2018. From then 'til now, I have inadvertently caused bad blood between me and a number of others. I think the most egregious is another homeless guy that I met up with whom felt sexually assaulted by me after we both consensually began to sexually interact. I also had my phone stolen by another homeless gay guy who sold off my phone. I was mortified by the thought of all I had on the SD card on that phone being used against me. I didn't have anything illegal on it (like kid porn or anything like that) though, I did have all sorts of images I downloaded off of Google -- pornographic, artistic and candid takes of all sorts of people posting their images online for both story writing purposes and yes, the occasional fap-to-pics-in-the-newspaper material for the purpose of appeasing my own perversion of material that is otherwise benign and not in and of itself adult content).

At the moment, I struggle with a lot of notions and inclinations all jumbled up internally in my mind.

Now, if you were an authority figure of law enforcement, wouldn't that unsettle you enough to keep an eye out on me? Despite me not intentionally looking to harm anyone, since others account for how I can allow my urges to overtake me under certain conditions, in select situations?

I believe they would and to some level, are.

A computer program can easily log my online activity without someone having to have their eyes constantly glued to a screen, transcribing every little thing I do, search and type. It really doesn't take much effort these days, just enough concern.

They may then weaponize the information they've gleaned against such an individual.
— THX1138

How would anyone do that? Give a specific example of the info that would have been gained, how it would be "weaponized," and to what end. — Terrapin Station

You may not be as creatively sadistic as some of the individuals whom do this to me. Either that, or this is a loaded question.

It's not all that difficult or unfeasible really. Let's say for a hypothetical instance that I decided to take my phone out or open up my laptop and reached out to have a heart to heart with my high school pal on Facebook or a buddy on Kick. Perhaps I saw an ASPCA Sarah McLachlan commercial over animal abuse and it has me revisiting buried feelings of remorse and self-deprecation ambivalently mixed with emotions of anger and rejection that incited me to commit such horrible acts in the first place.

So, I divulge how I would sporadically hit an unaffectionate adult cat that was given to me when I was thirteen with the handle end of a broom stick for a week and a half and how I'd do this because I associated and magnified the cat's rejection with how everyone else in my life seemed to reject (I subjectively felt) at the point in my childhood. I admit how terribly sorry I feel for having done so but that on the same token, I understand how I ultimately arrived at such a bleak, monstrous moment back then.

The next day, I'll be out and about and stop by a Wal-Mart to buy something to eat and for other miscellaneous purchases. I'm going through the isles when all of a sudden a woman pops out as I'm making a turn, wearing a cat themed hoodie and waving around a broomstick. She contrively blurted out "Ooops.. " and walks away, as she's cackling and strolling off with her friend or husband.

If it was one singular incident like this, I'd chuck it up to just coincidence. But, too many "coincidences" like this example have occurred to me too many times now. At the risk of coming off like having textbook paranoia, this all seems to indicate a pattern.

I honestly don't find it difficult to believe that there are certain people that are perfectly okay with putting me through this as a "karmic penance" of some sort.

The next day, I'll be out and about and stop by a Wal-Mart to buy something to eat and for other miscellaneous purchases. I'm going through the isles when all of a sudden a woman pops out as I'm making a turn, wearing a cat themed hoodie and waving around a broomstick. She contrively blurted out "Ooops.. " and walks away, as she's cackling and strolling off with her friend or husband. — THX1138

So, even taking that at face value, what is "weapony" about it?

Let's see, someone would have to look into my private online conversations, identify the things discussed of the most sensitive nature to me, devise a way to passive-aggressively and covertly convey to me that what I shared with a friend in what is supposed to be a private conversation has now been collected, shared with who knows who else and ultimately judged by others whom my past doesn't at all concern (unlike you and others, no anonymity nor constructive approach to my wrongdoing) to then proceed with psychologically gaslighting me with consternation, veiled threats and taunts.

That to me is a weaponization of intimate, private information I've shared with only one other individual. The only way this could all go down without my private information being intercepted is if my friend himself is in on it and gives out entrusted info, but he lives all the way out in Oregan and I in the South-East. There would have to be some organized group bullshit going on to do all of this. My friend is like me, not many friends, is open-minded, is very considerate in reasoning past transgressions out and doesn't take a "lynchmob in the 2010's of cyber justice" appproach to my screwups.

Even in the plausible case that my friend is the one going over my head and publically exposing what I share with him (which I greatly doubt is what's happening), what my friend would be doing would also be a breach of privacy, but under much more acceptable conditions over some entitled vigilante self-deemed cyber hero illegally intercepting my sensitive discussions and using it to override my rights while disqualifying any efforts of intimate introspection and healing with public mockery and psychological mind games.

You don't see how this is psychological weaponization of private information?

If it's my friend (again, I have the utmost doubt it is, since even memos I've written to myself on my phone have been tauntingly conveyed back to me in some psychologically mind fkd way), then, shame on me, we all risk confiding personal details with the wrong person and possibly have it blow up in our face if they decide to betray our trust. I've deduced that this is very unlikely the case though, since like I mentioned, it's still happened to me outside this context. A friend blasting my personal details to others would still be wrong, but would be something I would also have to take my share of culpability for and can remedy by cutting communicating with them.

Cyber probing by some intrusive moral (and punishment driven) Robinhood complex a**holes however is something that I definitely don't have much control over and is definitely ethically messed up.

I have a right to use technology and have my privacy treated with as much sacredness as most others' not posting this stuff in public or when doing so, sharing it with general details and with anonymity. Otherwise disregarding that and in an underhanded way leaving the target unable to really defend against what's being done to them is very much a weaponization.

Weapon - noun. Any instrument or device for use in attack or defense in combat, fighting, or war, as a sword, rifle, or cannon. Anything used against an opponent, adversary, or victim: the deadly weapon of satire.

You don't see how this is psychological weaponization of private information? — THX1138

Not really, because I don't really buy the idea of "psychological weapons," especially with respect to people who are more or less strangers. If someone is judging, taunting, etc. me, I don't see it as my problem. It's similar to why I'm not offendable. I might want someone to not bother me because they're annoying or whatever, but I'll simply take whatever measures I need to in order to get them to stop interacting with me.

Not really, because I don't really buy the idea of "psychological weapons," especially with respect to people who are more or less strangers. If someone is judging, taunting, etc. me, I don't see it as my problem. It's similar to why I'm not offendable. I might want someone to not bother me because they're annoying or whatever, but I'll simply take whatever measures I need to in order to get them to stop interacting with me. — Terrapin Station

Well, I guess we don't see eye to eye on this, then. Even if someone were to peer into my virtual activity and not periodically convey they have in whatever direct or indirect format they'd want to do that in, I'd still be offended. I'd equate it to a passerby casually sticking their hand down my pants and copping a feel of my genitals or sliding it over my butt cheeks to feel them out. Even if I'm unconscious when this is done, it's rapey... it's just wrong.

Can't really say I care if big corps do this -- as they already do to the vast majority of us. Their goal is to sell me on things based on my observed interests. It's not about penance, targeting nor exposure.

When a less impersonal party is looking into and targeting me specifically with the intentional purpose of psychologically messing with me, that's altogether different in purpose and effect.

And yeah, annoyance is the most strongly felt emotion their invasion overall brings out in me now. At first, I felt more alarmed, dissected, and resentful. I felt especially angry that while there are others out here with confirmed charges of being assaulters (often remorseless and ready to deny owning up to the nature and regularity of the long list of messed up crap they do to others), ironically enough little ol' insignificant, uninteresting me ends up pulling the short end of the target practice stick and disproportionately have to be subjected to this shitshow while wife beaters are greeted with smiles and given 31st, 32nd chances in life amongst public society all because aside from having been monsters to their victims, they have an endearing personality and attractive visage.

The sense of morality and the priority people collectively (and seemingly subconciously) have toward aggravators that they see fit to treat with the least tolerance and forgiveness seems miscorrelated and incongruous to me.

So I'm dull as hell. So I give people the heebie jeebies unintentionally by the very sight of me. So what? You're telling me that having a remarkably failed personality warrents not only rejection but oppression while some guiltless monster strolls along passed me and is seemingly exonerated for their offenses all because they've managed to charm the jury? Is this really the warped twilight zone world I exist in?

Am I the only one who sees how this is harassment and shouldn't be downplayed, and that in fact there are others that it really is dangerous to not scrutinize for the pattern of their behavior and the much more likely potential of threat they pose?