You seem to have insight, to me.

I'm glad you've experienced improvement.

I'm not nowhere near presumptious enough to think/believe that I know what your thought life consists of aside from correlations between things, and some of those things being your own state of mind. That said...

For me it took the kind of self-introspection that can only come via looking through another's eyes. If that sounds odd, I wouldn't blame the reader, but it's sooo hard to put into words.

What I finally came to realize is that I am the common denominator in my life. While there are many things that can happen to us that is beyond our control, there are also many things that can happen - and do - that is well within our influence. Having a good grasp on the way things are helps. Setting attainable goals was imperative to keeping and building positive outlook(for me - of course). I made deliberate attempts to surround myself, in the thought, belief, and words of other people that I found admirable(those who seemed to have the happy, well grounded, down to earth life that I wanted).

Thought life to be clear...

For me, I think much of it boiled down to, and still does boil down to a single guiding behavioural principle... No matter what situation I find myself in, I try to be as helpful as I can. By no means am I perfect. I can be quite the dick at times, certainly. I also make and have made my own fair share mistakes. However, in general, I try to be helpful, do things that I enjoy doing, try to make at least some of those things practical/useful for improving the quality of my life. This included willfully separating myself from vampires(soul suckers). That was very hard, and still is. However, I now have quite the different outlook on life and people than the one I adopted...

Not sure if there's anything at all helpful for you in all that, but I wish you well.

What I finally came to realize is that I am the common denominator in my life. While there are many things that can happen to us that is beyond our control, there are also many things that can happen - and do - that is well within our influence. Having a good grasp on the way things are helps. — creativesoul

I think I know what you mean. Wherever you go, there you are. I am trying to be helpful and not harmful, but sometimes my emotions get the better of me. That’s the human condition, though. The self (pride and ego) vs. concern for the community or specific others. I agree that accepting the world as it is is key to finding peace.

Thank you for the good wishes. Same.

Of course. Helps me to make choices that increase my available choices, if that makes any sense...

Yes. Don’t burn bridges. Make bridges.

Depends upon what else - aside from you - that that bridge is standing between my friend. Some bridges are best burned. The trick of course, is knowing which ones.

That’s profound. Thank you

This is true of any close relationship that shapes us. — Noah Te Stroete

We can change our own shape by seeking our influences. We do not have to remain in any particular way that someone else shaped us...

Step one is believing that much...

So come with me, where dreams are born, and time is never planned. Just think of happy things, and your heart will fly on wings, forever, in Never Never Land! — J.M.Barrie

This is not an invitation to the most wonderful life, but to the most wonderful dream. There is no contest between them, and I do not endorse and nor do I indulge in happy thoughts. This is not a thread for anyone seeking happiness or equanimity or peace, or therapeutic advice.

whenever you think or you believe or you know, you’re a lot of other people: but the moment you feel, you’re nobody-but-yourself.

To be nobody-but-yourself — in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else — means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. — op

You're on your own, kiddo, and if you're not on your own, you're not in the game. Build your bridges and walk on them or burn them, but neither a bridge-borrower nor a bridge-lender be.

I still have a weak grasp on my 'self', but I feel the pressure of needing a self less. — csalisbury

Yeah, I don't know how a person could remember an experience of complete selflessness. If there was nobody there to experience anything, what's the memory of?

I think that having a strong sense of identity is a matter of identifying with dead symbols like a flag or a political brand. It makes for a certain kind of effectiveness. I'm going for an interview tomorrow and they're going to want me to tell them who I am in 10 words or less. "Why should we hire you over all the other applicants?" I'll have to pretend to be somebody. "Look, here's my label, that's who I am."

It's kind of like saying that the casket I'm in is me.

I did want to ask : why do you say that anger is the emotion of the sinner? — csalisbury

Imagine a scene where one person is hurting another. The two are bound together. You can't be a victim without a ______. What do you call that? The person doing the harm? Whatever it is, they're two sides of the same coin.

And there's a cycle to it. The guy whose family was slaughtered goes off to become a violent person. He makes new victims who will eventually seek their own revenge, and on and on. One act of abuse is like a pebble in a pond, spreading fear and anger out over time and space, through generations.

In that way, the victim and the person who does the harm, together they're an engine of emotion and identity. Have you ever read Great Expectations? In a way, it's the story of a guy who finds his way out of the cycle.