Okay so this is my attempt to push boundaries and meet people who have a philosophical passion such as myself. I never post anything on any social media and I am naturally very introverted and what some would call a "loner" which is a title that I am proud to accept. Now days I am confident and can hold my own in a conversation with people even though I struggle at times, which I have gotten to from over five years of practice and hard work. However, most of my life I have had very powerful social anxieties control my life by blanking out my usual thought process and keeping me socially paralyzed and unable to speak or function properly.

Now that I have gotten more personal insight on my anxieties, I believe that one of the great reasons for my social anxiety is because I overthink everything. naturally overthink the meaning behind everything, and especially the meaning behind each word and how we say these words in our English language. Which always gets me going, for one reason because every word has basically infinite meanings behind each word, at least with how my head processes words I have a mental "image" or understanding that defines each word for me to use which have originated from my past experiences and or "coincidences" that somehow just stuck with my thought process and how I define words and things.

And this leads to me having a discussion with someone where even though they are using the same words as I am to describe the situation, and we are even speaking about the same situation, I feel like they don't understand what I feel and what kind of ride I am having with this situation, and to me it is this deep mental ride that describes the entire situation and is what I am trying to socialize with people about. But no matter how many times I try to re-explain this to people, it always comes out sounding like the same simple sentence construct that everyone around me repetitively speaks and doesn't really explain anything to me.

It's not only the words, but it's the way the words are said and what sentence they are used in. Sometimes the words themselves aren't even heard or tried to be heard when I speak them, but it's just because of how my mouth ended up making the sentence or "expression" sound that the person that I am speaking to completely misheard me, and if I try to explain how I may have misspoke then I don't end up explaining that well enough and I get stuck in a loop of feeling like the person is not understanding me while they say that they do understand and then I get anxiety and hide in my mind and in a way run away from the conversation.

And this is how I literally how all of my conversations with anyone goes, and even though I have learned to control my social anxiety more, this still drives me crazy. I hope I explained that well enough to make some of the sense that I am going for, and I thought I'd see if anyone here understands what I'm talking about.