Life is insane/absurd/bizzare/incomprehensible

dukkha

I often get this feeling of pure terror, and I absolutely freak the fcuk out and need a drink or some benzos. There have been times where I've literally screamed, and get like panic attacks.

How I'd describe it, is something along the lines of a sudden realization of the insanity of life. It's hard to describe but it's kind of like I've just come into existence right then and there, and I'm seeing/sensing everything for the first time, including my body, and my thoughts. It's like this sudden realization of just how utterly incomprehensibly bizarre/insane it is to even exist at all, in any way. Everything is strange and unfamiliar. It's like this extremely intense sense of dawning. Like a dolly zoom effect.

So life is strange, but compared to what? What's it bizarre in relation to? There's no non-strange thing to compare your existence to. Even compared to not existing at all, it still doesn't get you anywhere because non-existence isn't even a thing it's merely a concept in existence. Like non-existence isn't an actual thing it's only meaningful in relation to one who is alive. It's like normally you're 'in' life, doing things as your body within the world, but then you're sucked backwards and you're watching yourself as if you aren't your body at all, you're observing your body as a non-embodied perspective, for the first time. It's not familiar at all.

Psychiatrists call something like this "derealization", and "depersonalization". But personally I see this as a philosophical thing. Life really is incomprehensibly bizarre, and it makes perfect sense to have this response of sheer terror. I see it as like I'm having this massive realization of the fundamental nature of reality, and I think there's something of real philosophical significance here. It's as if the ontology of reality is sheer terror, incomprehensible nonsense and panic. And so this feeling of terror I get is a perfectly reasonable response to glimpsing the true nature of reality.

Anyway, hope I don't sound too psychotic. Does anyone else experience this? And if so, do you think there's something philosophically significant going on here, or is it just a psychiatric 'symptom' you might say, a manifestation of extreme anxiety?

I mean like what the hell is existence? What the fcuk is going on? lol

Agustino

Anyway, hope I don't sound too psychotic. Does anyone else experience this? And if so, do you think there's something philosophically significant going on here, or is it just a psychiatric 'symptom' you might say, a manifestation of extreme anxiety? — dukkha

Yes, I did. What you're experiencing is the power of your mind in constructing reality. The power of your mind in determining reality. Reality isn't only out there. You participate in its creation. The terror is your creation, you are its father, and it is your child. You are the dreamer of demons, and the moment you realise that, that's the moment you realise that you have power over the demons. You dreamed them up - they weren't there to begin with. You don't have to let them become your masters - you are the boss.

Imagine this. You're looking at a vase and it is yellow. Suddenly it changes color to red. That's the switch that happens in the mind. It's exactly that. There's no logic in it. There's no logic between the world being full of terror now, and looking normal the next second or in the past. It's simply a different experience - or better said, a different way of experiencing the world.

So that's all there is to it. You're seeing the world red. You WANT to see it yellow, because presumably you don't like it red. I mean who likes feeling pure terror? No one right? You have to find a way - in your own mind - to flip that switch. Do something. Wash the dishes. Watch a movie. Read a book. Write. Get absorbed in the doing instead of in your thoughts. Ignore the thoughts - they are liars. See what happens if you ignore them and get immersed in an activity. I think you'll notice that the switch flips, and suddenly the world is yellow. Once that happens, even once, and you see it happen, you'll see for yourself that the thoughts are liars, and they say nothing about the nature of the world, they are purely the creation of your mind.

Shawn

I feel there is a deep connection between philosophy and the mindset characterized by 'anxiety, depression/hopelessness, angst, apathy... etc.'

Obviously, it would be a gross overgeneralization to say that all philosophers are depressed and angsty individuals; but, the point still stands, why are, or have, so many philosophers professing/professed an attitude of despair, existential ennui, and angst?

In my personal experience when I feel down I tend to distract myself with philosophy, which helps me a lot as a form of therapy (referencing Wittgenstein here). But, it seems that if one is depressed or hopeless or anxious then they ought to be aware that some philosophers can exacerbate this condition. That's my take on the matter.

0 thru 9

↪dukkha

Thank you for sharing your experiences. Probably most of us have been there once or twice. Hopefully it is a short ordeal. You seem to be most observant of it, and poised to learn from it. Through ups and downs, I have found we have "compasses" within us. At least three that i can feel, in the head, heart, and gut. These have helped me know which way to go when flying blind through the fog, so to speak. Things are calmer now, but the guidance is always appreciated. May you be blessed with joy and peace.

Emptyheady

intrapersona

So life is strange, but compared to what? What's it bizarre in relation to? There's no non-strange thing to compare your existence to. — dukkha

To your previous concepts of what normal reality felt like.

I feel there is a deep connection between philosophy and the mindset characterized by 'anxiety, depression/hopelessness, angst, apathy... etc.' — Question

Indeed, because philosophy often deals with what is real and often what is real is full of anxiety, depression/hopelessness, angst, apathy. People shy away from what is real to lull themselves into complacency.

That fact is, life isn't great. But it's full of wonder and mystery and complexity beyond belief. Finding that is the struggle but once you do it makes life worth it. The clearest pathways for me have been ones that directly alter my state of mind and allow me to see the world in a new fashion, it shows me how beautiful everything is in contrast to the familiarity of the every day world.

intrapersona

↪dukkha

I have been suffering from this for the past year now. It started out really bad like multiple times a day and progressively has gotten better. The last one which was a few weeks ago now caused me to create this thread: http://thephilosophyforum.com/discussion/689/what-is-this-experience#Item_1

They are classified as panic attacks and often they have an existential component to them so don't think panic attacks are exclusive to people with anxiety disorder or something. Sometimes when we realise that our minds have multiple inabilities to comprehend the world around us or actually conceptualise it, it can make us feel scared, or just flat out amazed.

People often don't do this, you know why? Because they stay well within the parameters of what their minds identify as normal. Joe blow who lives a normal life day in day out doesn't activate alternative pathways in his mind that are conducive to mind blowing, paradigm shattering feelings of the sort both you an I are going through.

Often this occurs with people who take large doses of psychedelics and this ultimately causes the same functions occur within the mind. It causes paradigm shifts because it changes the electrical firing pathways and patterns within the brain, physically causing you to see things differently. Of course, reading philosophy can do this too, just in a miniscule, softer or less dramatic and sudden way.

Sometimes after reading something bizarre I will ponder it over the day and it will give me that feeling and cause me some anxiety. We humans need to feel normalcy, we need it to survive. If there isn't any we feel confused and if we are confused we aren't open to experiencing the world with an open mind and less inclined to be happy.

If it gets too much for you to handle, try doing what Agustino suggested... get out and do physical activities, especially mundane or routine activities and even try new hobbies and force your mind out of rationalization.

intrapersona

— Emptyheady

Yep, that meme pictures works because you know how utterly bizarre all of this is and an actually viable conclusion could be something of that nature! lol!

lambda

... what the heck? I swear I've had these same exact thoughts before. I feel like I am reading my subconscious thoughts on the screen.

But yeah, I feel pretty much the same way. I too have pretty bad dpdr, especially when I begin doubting the existence of other minds. I just find it so easy to doubt the existence of other experiencers/experiences since I never (directly) perceive them. But then I come across posts (like the one in the OP) which so accurately describe my own experiences and I can't help but feel like there really are other conscious beings out there and that our minds are communicating in some incomprehensible way. That's my hope, at least. Okay, lol, let me get back on topic.

It's like normally you're 'in' life, doing things as your body within the world, but then you're sucked backwards and you're watching yourself as if you aren't your body at all, you're observing your body as a non-embodied perspective, for the first time.

Wow! I know exactly what you're talking about! Most of the time I feel like I am perceiving my body from afar - like every experience is an out-of-body experience. It's like a human life is being played on an IMAX screen and what I truly exist as is the entire IMAX screen, not the human being who appears on the screen.

It is so weird how you describe an experience that is so similar to mine. This is why I don't think I can ever give up my belief in other minds despite me being completely unable to understand how they could ever work.

Psychiatrists call something like this "derealization", and "depersonalization". But personally I see this as a philosophical thing. Life really is incomprehensibly bizarre, and it makes perfect sense to have this response of sheer terror. — dukkha

I completely agree! I too have been diagnosed with DPDR but I don't consider it a "disorder' at all since it is based entirely on phenomenological facts. Consider the following "symptoms" of DPDR (taken from the dpdr subreddit):

- Experiencing life as a dream
- Watching oneself experiencing the world
- Experiencing life as if watching events unfolding through a screen

As far as I can tell, each of the above 'symptoms' are grounded in facts about conscious experience.

The world IS a dream - there's no boundary between the waking world and the dream world; they're the same thing

You ARE watching yourself (your body) experience the world - see the IMAX screen analogy again.

You ARE experiencing life as if watching events unfold through a screen - it's called having a visual field.

Thus I conclude - along with you - that DPDR is not a "disorder" at all. It is a body of facts and non-DPDR is the real disorder.

I think there's something of real philosophical significance here

I do too. I take it as a call to surrender to God. Which God, you ask? Choose one. I personally like the Triune God but other people have different preferences.

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