I’m not convinced that any psychological behaviour is unchangeable in itself, although conceptualised behaviour patterns require more self-conscious or at least meaningful effort over time to shift. I think we need to be careful what we label as ‘natural’ or ‘intrinsic’, even beyond the level of volition - as Feldman-Barrett demonstrates with emotions. — Possibility
Professionally: How do you reconcile the person born to be a doctor, musician, lawyer, etc. from some other profession?
Interpersonally: How do you reconcile the person who is intrinsically affectionate, and searches for a partner who is also affectionate, rather than someone who is not affectionate?
In both cases, mitigating fears for the sake of changing would not be germane or appropriate, unless they themselves want change. In other words, using your explanation, change for the sake of change is virtuous or good? — 3017amen
I’m not sure what you’re trying to say here. Both the examples you give seem too simplified or conceptual to answer. I don’t believe anyone is necessarily ‘born’ for a particular career - there are a lot more factors that go into choosing a profession than genetics, and I think looking for dichotomous traits such as affectionate/not affectionate isn’t an effective way to determine a life partner. — Possibility
This is an important topic in the Love equation. Personally, I know of too many people divorcing over homeostasis (both men/women who can't and won't change, fortunately/unfortunately). Indeed it is true, there are many things we can correct by first having awareness of a [the] problem, then by overcoming our fears to break through and effect change.
But, you seem to be denying inborn gifts, natural talents and even to some degree wants and needs. We have both core or intrinsic ways of Being ( that you seem to be denying), as well as discoverable truth's about the world and ourselves in it, through volition. Life then, is indeed both a discovery and uncovery of Being, from which choice plays an obvious role. But, not a mutually exclusive role, as you are suggesting.
Accordingly, we are back to trying to explain why there are only a few Einstein's, Picasso's, Hitler's, etc. in this world. Are they that way exclusively by choice? Using your theory, they chose to be that. Your theory also suggests all people can be musical geniuses. — 3017amen
But back to Love: if someone is driven-in their professional life-by their desire to practice science, and their love partner abhors such activity, why should they change if they have the potential for great discoveries ( the theory of relativity, as Einstein did)? — 3017amen
The idea that ‘this is who I am in my core, and you have to accept that’ is a misunderstanding that leads to us limiting our capacity to relate to the world. I’m not saying that’s wrong - only that it is a limitation we’re not always aware of. When we are aware of it, then we still don’t have to change, but it then becomes a choice that we make. — Possibility
I’m certainly not saying that Einstein, Picasso or Hitler were aware of the choices they made at all - only that the intrinsic capacity was there to choose otherwise, despite their level of awareness. — Possibility
Do you think if Mozart wasn’t thoroughly immersed in music and nurtured in his interest and ability from such a young age (when children can still firmly believe in their capacity to become a dog, for instance) he would have become the composer he was? — Possibility
It’s a two way street: love is not an individual action, but more of a dance. It’s about making allowances that maximize a collaborative potential, not about changing to please someone. — Possibility
I think it is safe to say we arrived at an equilibrium of sorts, where there might be a balance between the need to change and the need to say the same. This could be considered a planting-of-the-seed toward heathier growth viz a type of self Love or self esteem, not sure. But it seems that learning to Love oneself, in a healthy way, as well as Loving others for who they are, indeed has its virtues. Ideally, I would like to think that through Love itself, awareness of both good and bad can be discovered and/or uncovered. — 3017amen
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