How about expecting nothing of yourself? Instant joy, bliss, pleasantness. Life is about doing what is needed. No body and no thing, nobody and nothing, is boundless, limitless. How is that an insult or something to feel depressed about? There is nothing special about you and I and every human. You and I and everyone else do not matter, we are just little pieces of creation. What you do with your life is what makes you special. Life itself is already super freaking special. How about just working with the normalness of the piece of life that you are? People are so ordinary they are special. If you want to be extra/more special than that, I would have to call you the R word in mental illness and disability context lol.

Why should I keep living, if it’s all meaningless, futile, and pointless? — niki wonoto

From my point of view, you're suffering from a bought of nihilism. I've been there myself. But I have found more and more that those feelings about life's meaninglessness simply disappear when I engaged in something, when I was involved in something -- working towards a goal, especially in collaboration with others.

You mentioned changing the world. Why should that dream be dead? Why is it a pipe dream? Maybe if you mean achieving "peace on earth" in a generation, yeah that's most likely a pipe dream -- so what? You can contribute to this weird, ever-changing phenomena of which you're a part for a very limited amount of time, and help to shape it in the way that's aligned with your values, or you can shrink away from it and resign yourself to wallow in depression while others take the small, local steps that does create change.

The feeling of isolation, helplessness, and meaninglessness you feel is not relegated to you alone -- it's rampant. And it's a product of our current environment, which is encouraged in many societies to make people apathetic, obedient, isolated, and consumeristic. It takes them out of the realm of politics and power. It convinces them that the problems are too overwhelming, that there's nothing they can do about them (so why bother?), etc.

Whether there's a God or not, whether science's story is all there is, whether we go from dust to dust and there's no ultimate meaning in life -- so what? Let's say the "worst" is true. Then what? Kill yourself? Is that really what your gut tells you? How about this: meditate for a while. Feel the sensations of your body and the emotions of depression, sadness, fear that arise. Notice your thoughts AS thoughts, as just an activity -- as one more phenomenon to observe. Try not to "react" to any of it, just look at it. No judgments. When you do so, there's no nihilism, depression, nor is there craving and delusions of grandeur -- there's just whatever it is that's happening. When you reach this state, and really see it, then you realize your sadness is just a product of your thinking and your interpretation -- it's a product of your particular perspective. While it may be true, it is ALSO true that life is full of meaning and purpose, and that there's plenty of things to do indeed -- and is in fact very exciting. So why not be a part of it and view life as a playground? There's literally nothing to lose. And a byproduct is achievement, contribution to a better future, and your own personal growth and happiness.

Yes, yes, excessive idealism risks turning into cynicism and nihilism.

We create meaning, and it's a bit arbitrary where we want to draw lines. Some say nothing has meaning because nothing is permanent... and some find meaning in being kind to a random person they meet. This just to say there's no absolute reason for you to decide to only find meaning in grand things like saving the entire world. But you did... and now you are disappointed for not being able to achieve that meaning, which is a normal emotional response given you previous aspirations.

I'd suggest you give yourself some time to deal with that and then start looking for some more concrete constructive things that you can achieve... and eventually you will probably will be able to find meaning in that. It's either that, or slowly fading out the rest of your days in cynicism and nihilism.

I believe life is meaningless for everyone. The same dark cloud of utter nothingness looms over every person in this world, from the 2 week old aborted fetus to the oldest centenarian.

I feel like everything I do is insignificant, so small, my life is meaningless, in the grandest scheme of everything. So why should I live? Why should I keep living, if it’s all meaningless, futile, and pointless? Why should I just “accept reality” ? — niki wonoto

Have you read Camus' Myth of Sisyphus? This is his question: if there's no absolute meaning to my life, why don't I commit suicide? (Spoiler: he finds an answer.)

What did you think before you realised your cosmic insignificance? Did you think someone or something was going to validate your life? Genuine question. I've never had any difficulty accepting my insignificance, recall no moment of realisation, and have pretty thoroughly enjoyed my insignificant existence, so I don't have a comparable experience.

There's lots of satisfying things to do. They don't have to have any significance beyond that satisfaction. You can write a book out of joy of writing, without getting it graded at the end of the universe or whatnot.

If you can't imagine doing anything fulfilling or satisfying or enjoyable, it might be worth consulting a doctor as you could be suffering from depression.

What about the world would you change?

Welcome to the great question - and its variants - that you and only you can answer. Everything else is guidance and circumstance, both good and bad, that you have to sort out as works best for you. But here's a secret: if you let anyone or anything else define you or determine your worth, then at the end you will realize that you were worthless. Doesn't mean you have to re-invent the universe and everything in it, just that you have to make the choices meaningful to you, and own them.

why should I live? — niki wonoto

Because you exist(s).

And — niki wonoto

Life is a vast sandbox RPG with an infinite 'world map'
Your whole life is spent gaining experience points, completing challenges and trying to get as close to 100% completion, realising 100% is impossible because of certainly in-game one off choices and therefore must decide what the closet to 100% completion is to you this time you play. There are Easter eggs, bonus levels that both affect the outcome of the game and those that don't, and ultimately at the end of the game you die, and all this points are lost.
Maybe you respawn in a way that some level of attainment is important, maybe its a one time around map, but either it doesn't matter, cos the new game isn't based on any of your 'save points', a new character would play the same game a new way from an infinite amount of start points, story arcs etc...
This means life it pointless, yet this pointlessness is the point, the aim of the game is only to play the game, you decide right and wrong, sometimes a group can agree on these ideas and thus create groups and scoieites and civilisations, but it all boils down to each person in that group choosing that similar path for their game.
I also define 'self' or 'I' as a continuous chain of 'save points' or 'continuous psychological states'.
I am not referencing some kind of destiny here, just the acceptance that sometimes one can create a isolated 'fate' where one keystone choice will inevitably lead to an outcome unless certain other choices are made.

Everything is pointless, so this means everything (and I mean everything) has personal value in it is your choice how to interact with it.

What if meaning isn't what life is really all about? Life does not have to be dependent upon meaning. Living a meaningful life is an activity we engage in, but it is not all there is to life. We have a tendency to make life amount to something, and fail to see that it does not have to amount to anything in order for it to be great. It's pretty amazing that all of this is happening and that we have the ability to make sense out of it and choose our own path in life, but that does not take anything away from how great or intense our experience of it is. Why not just focus on your experience of life instead of fixing, changing, or making something of it?

The situation is pretty overwhelming. In this matter, the universal view, as disheartening as it may be, is not as dark as the closure with friends and family where each of us are extinguished like candles after a party.

This remaining space, as small as it may be, is what is asking for something other than submission.

Niki, dear, you and I are not indifferent. I continue to ask myself these questions regularly. Recently, I have not left my house for 3 days and have remained in bed for 2 of them... concerned that I may wish to end it all.

But alas, I am up and about today and reconsidering lifes many possibilities.

This is not a success story, and we can all grow rather sick of hearing overly positive comments about WHY you should go on, why life is beautiful etc etc. It's all rather nauseating. However, these comments, I would argue, stem from a well-meaning public who, either consciously or subconsciously, feel a moral responsibility to keep you alive - because they worry that we may give up the ghost.

The fact of the matter is, there is no "should" or "shouldn't". No right or wrong. Merely choice. And even then, that "choice" may arguably be the mirage of free will.

However, I digress.

What I will say to you is this: if you are to face the unknown, with the unknown being death, and knowing that you will face death anyway later in life (as we all do), not knowing what lay beyond, would it be better to quickly fade to that unknown NOW, or merely try to enjoy the present, even small things, knowing that that UNKNOWN will come to you anyway, so there is no rush?

Consider yourself the main character of a movie. The film is just starting to get good. Would you wish for the film to suddenly end, fading to black? Or for the main character to persevere, against all odds, at the possibility of finding answers and living a life that is more meaningful to him/her?

You see, by encouraging yourself to stay alive a little bit longer, you agree to experience more of what life has to offer, be it good or bad or a mixture. You also run the risk of becoming a better philosopher, a wiser human being, and opening yourself up to various other opportunities that you wouldn't have otherwise.

If for nothing else, continue on for philosophy. Report back with your findings. This is what I have chosen to do. Let's do it together.

Philosophy isn't good for anxiety. Trust me I would know.