Universal.

All relationships are difficult to maintain, moreso the closer they are, and/or the longer they last.

Most people want to be around people who allow them to feel good about themselves. If you're having a lot of trouble maintaining any relationships, then you should probably spend more time trying to understand the other person's wants and needs and meeting them to the extent you can. If they do the same for you, that is what we call a "healthy" relationship, and it will probably last until something comes along to fundamentally change the dynamics.

Do you have this difficulty, or is it unique to the individual? — Cobra

Social awkwardness seems to be typical of Intellectuals, and especially Philosophers. Throughout history philosophers (e.g. Socrates) were noted for either never marrying, or for ignoring their families. One explanation for this peculiarity, or uniqueness if you prefer, may be that deep thinkers tend to be Introverts. :nerd:

Introvert : a person predominantly concerned with their own thoughts and feelings rather than with external things.

4 Reasons Highly Intelligent People Are Often Socially Inept : https://shynesssocialanxiety.com/socially-inept/

Are Introverts Highly Intellectuals? : https://psych2go.net/are-introverts-highly-intellectuals/

Social awkwardness seems to be typical of Intellectuals, and especially Philosophers. Throughout history philosophers (e.g. Socrates) were noted for either never marrying, or for ignoring their families. One explanation for this peculiarity, or uniqueness if you prefer, may be that deep thinkers tend to be Introverts. :nerd:

Introvert : a person predominantly concerned with their own thoughts and feelings rather than with external things.

4 Reasons Highly Intelligent People Are Often Socially Inept : https://shynesssocialanxiety.com/socially-inept/

Are Introverts Highly Intellectuals? : https://psych2go.net/are-introverts-highly-intellectuals/ — Gnomon

For the sake of argument, should we express some concern that this leads to a defeatist mindset? In other words, it is too easy for someone to say, "I'm an introvert, therefore I am socially awkward," with the implication that they are unable to choose to be otherwise or to develop social skills?

I see people use concepts like this all the time to limit themselves with victim narratives. You do not have to be socially awkward because you are smart or naturally introverted. You may just have to work at it a little more.

The OP is very clear that the difficulty is not about being an introvert or socially awkward.

A philosopher is a man, usually, with a perpetual itch, who, in a relationship, does not always discriminate as to where he scratches. Other people usually get tired of being scratched.

For the sake of argument, should we express some concern that this leads to a defeatist mindset? In other words, it is too easy for someone to say, "I'm an introvert, therefore I am socially awkward," with the implication that they are unable to choose to be otherwise or to develop social skills? — Pro Hominem

The recent book by Susan Cain addresses that very question. Ironically, she is a lawyer, who gets paid to stand in front of strangers and talk. Innate Introversion is not Destiny, nor an excuse for becoming a cave-dwelling hermit.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quiet:_The_Power_of_Introverts_in_a_World_That_Can%27t_Stop_Talking

The OP is very clear that the difficulty is not about being an introvert or socially awkward. — jamalrob

He specifically mentioned Intellectuals and Philosophers, and didn't mention Introversion. If he's not a navel-gazing introvert, then maybe an outwardly charming sociopath or psychopath? :joke:

The recent book by Susan Cain addresses that very question. Ironically, she is a lawyer, who gets paid to stand in front of strangers and talk. Innate Introversion is not Destiny, nor an excuse for becoming a cave-dwelling hermit.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quiet:_The_Power_of_Introverts_in_a_World_That_Can%27t_Stop_Talking — Gnomon

Thank you for that contribution. I think it's important to carry those thoughts all the way through to the end, lest we unintentionally reinforce someone's (a silent reader, for example) concern that they just "are a certain way", and growth isn't possible.

Typically with others. Do you have this difficulty, or is it unique to the individual?

You are a conversationalist. You can adapt and blend in as needed. You enjoy the diversity of others, you learn from those different. The differences aren't so bad, and the similarities steady bonuses. You can make short term associates and "friends." Maybe have a flirt, a date or two. But it ends there.

How common is this? — Cobra

The trick is to not be so interesting. Works every time. I don't mean that in an elitist way either. Some people just don't like what you have to say, regardless on whether or not it's "logical", "right", or would benefit them tremendously. Basically don't treat every random place you go throughout your day like it's the Pantheon- a world of refined learning and morals where every person is eager to spontaneously break out in immersive debate on truth and morals. It's not. You just go about your day, do what you're there to do, don't seem too rushed, and you're fine. You don't have to "adapt and blend in" like you're putting on some other persona- you just realize not everyone wants to hear what you have to say lol. Simple.

The thing you seem to be talking about is seeming incompatible long-term with the philosophically disinclined ie. you'd either bore them or they'd bore you. That's not a problem. "Hey how's it going - what's going on", talk some, do what you need, "alright catch up with you later", and go about your business.

What actually complicates things is when others know you're either successful, rich, etc. Then you're in real trouble. New places where nobody knows who you are will be the only respites in such a life. If you can avoid the temptation. Eh, I know a few people. :grin:

Same gender is fine. You start getting to know someone you either reveal directly or indirectly you're not antisocial just an introvert. You don't go out much and are usually content/busy with (well.. as an intellect you should be busy often) such and such. Rule of thumb is to avoid religion and politics. Treat their statements with an imaginary "I think/I believe/It seems to me" in front of everything they say, and just include one of the three in anything you say to them that seems to conflict with their mindset. "I like/prefer" this .. or "if you do it this way, you get... (insert new logical benefit that outweighs original benefit)." Simple.

Chicks. Eh. Good luck. It's always tough when you start to care about a person and want to help them. Some people are stuck in their ways. Old habits die hard. "Girls just wanna have fun" they say. At best you just maintain casual friendships with a few you like, hang out every now and then, and make sure they don't fall into unhealthy relationships, behaviors, or thought processes. As well as not seeming like "just a friend" or gay. Lol. Like I said good luck. You be that guy who can crack a joke, take a joke, and occasionally say something insightful that makes you think. Best you can hope for. Oh you mean actual relationships. Just find someone you can tolerate and vice versa who cares about the same things you do. Get to know them well, first. You'll thank me later. Again, I know a few people. :grin:

I will say, many people may be smarter than you may give them credit for. Even if it is in a narrow-minded, myopic, "me first" kind of way.

TL;DR: If someone annoys you it's probably for a reason, also, There's a reason why the male is called the groom.

FYI:
Misanthropy

Toxic Masculinity

For my part, after I outgrew my social ineptitude and learned how to be a popular person with lots of friends and dating all the time etc, I soon learned that it’s more often than not simply not worth the effort. I don’t get enough out of most social interactions for it to be worth the time and emotional energy it takes to cultivate them well.

I’ve got one deep relationship with my girlfriend of the past 8 years, and a handful of deep intellectual long-term friends on the internet who supplement what I don’t get from her. That’s enough. And maintaining those relationships isn’t especially hard, no more than most relationships between most people; we have problems but we work through them.

Everyone else, people I just see around places, I get along with them, I’m nice to them, they seem to like me, and ones I see frequently I’d even consider friends, but those are all effortless shallow friendships of acquaintance: people who just happen to be there a lot.

Back when I used to be an Aristotelian, every time I encountered relational contradiction I would cut it out of my life. This made relationships impossible, but ever since I became a Hegelian I have learned to embrace contradiction, and that has made all the difference. :lol: