Do intelligent women ever find average to a little bit slow men attractive? — TiredThinker

An entertaining philosophical topic. What would Kant think? :chin:

An entertaining philosophical topic. What would Kant think? :chin: — jgill

"German philosopher Immanuel Kant never actually married during his entire 79-year lifespan."

-- Google search for "Was Kant married?"

"You're not too bright, are you? I like that in a man."

-- Kathleen Turner's character to William Hurt's character in Body Heat. Right before she gets him to murder her inconvenient husband and makes sure he's convicted of the crime while she gets away with the inheritance.

I am wondering. Do intelligent women ever find average to a little bit slow men attractive? — TiredThinker

I suspect sapiosexuals don't.

I am wondering. Do intelligent women ever find average to a little bit slow men attractive? I know they say if you're the smartest person in the room you're in the wrong room. But do intelligent women always need a guy that challenges them mentally? I find intelligence and an open mind attractive, but it doesn't feel like I qualify for those women. It often feels that I am stuck amongst women that question very little in the world and don't try to figure things out. — TiredThinker

FWIW, I’m not sure there’s a particular qualification to attract an intelligent woman. If you’re curious enough about the world and are prepared to challenge yourself mentally, then I don’t imagine an IQ test is required.

It’s not the size of the intellect, it’s what you do with it.

The real question is whether you’re prepared to appreciate and encourage her intelligence without it threatening your sense of your own potential or confidence in keeping her interested. A man humble enough to ask questions and show interest when he’s not even close to the smartest person the room will always outshine both the man who’s trying to prove he’s the smartest person in the room and the one who’s trying to bring the conversation down to his level.

A woman confident in her own intelligence isn’t necessarily looking for intelligence in her partner - she already has that. The idea is that you complement each other’s place in the world, not reflect it. Of course, this has implications in how you spend your time together, but then that’ll always be a negotiation, won’t it?

Do intelligent women ever find average to a little bit slow men attractive? — TiredThinker

Do intelligent men ever find average to a little bit slow women attractive? Sure. If they are. :grin:

It's an interesting question. Which can be answered or perhaps even at least expanded by the following: why is the "trophy husband" trope/meme/what have you far less common than the "trophy wife"? It's a debate with room for endless argument. Are men more vain than women (ie. the primal desire to have status in society, which is often correlated with resources hence survival)? Or are women more vain than men (again the same primal desire to have a strong provider, again correlated with resources/survival). It's an interesting debate no doubt. For those mature enough to handle it. I'll start. Why will this post, one that examines women as man's equal or perhaps even greater, be viewed as misogynistic by some?

There are lots of smart women attached to dumb men. You have heard of the attractiveness of "bad boys", right?

You have heard of the attractiveness of "bad boys", right? — LuckyR

It's not a gender-specific thing in the broader sense. Let's think or assume for a bit. We're on a new world, with no weapons, technology, or knowledge, barely able to communicate by anything other than a grunt or yell. How did we manage to go from that to microchips, public services, and "Alexa, order more cat food"? Following social order and progressing, working (sure, sometimes, often even) fighting one another, but in the contexts of "groups" or "teams". Of course, throughout all of that, someone eventually came up with an idea that stood out of began to act in a way that was different than that of his peers. Hence innovation, discovery, and progress. Granted, 90% of "being different" turned out to be naught/purposeless aka "didn't go anywhere."

When a reporter asked, "How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?" Edison replied, "I didn't fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps." "Great success is built on failure, frustration, even catastrophy."

But eventually, it did. Take the male peacock. It extravagantly stands out to attract a mate. Sort of like how an inventor tries something new and outlandish to create something new. If nothing happens, he looks foolish. If it works out, those who mocked and rejected him were the fools. There's that aspect.

More generally however, people, men and women, like excitement which is essentially disruption from the routine. Be it productive or not. Think of your favorite character from a movie, book, or TV show? Is he the timid yet wise banker, accountant, or manager keeping everything running and on track? Probably not. Odds are it's the crazy young guy yelling and blowing things up.

That said. The bad boy serves a purpose. There's a time and a place for everything. In society- specifically older ones were it the very notion of society and civilization was fleeting- the guy who didn't play by the rules, and whose actions could not be accounted for ie. "got away with it" often ended up with more resources. Hence continued on in the gene pool over those who perhaps actually tried to follow the rules that created the society in the first place. As some correctly say were just being lazy and trying to get out of work (and did) by leeching off the work of others. There's a balance, as you can see. Sometimes it's useful and moves a society or civilization, such as it is, forward. Other times, for example, say if you're on a ship and you're the "bad boy" who puts off his duties that happen to be vital to the navigation, the s**t will crash and we'd all die. That's why they were thrown overboard and eaten by sharks- hence the legend of the merman.

Guys, you need to watch more teen films. The air-head socialite girls all go for the football jocks and the intelligent girl, who always wears glasses and has a bad hairdo and no makeup, goes for the maverick loner who is ignored or bullied by everyone else. Intelligence doesn't come into it, you have to be a maverick loner, preferably with tragic problems and odd parents, if any.

There are lots of smart women attached to dumb men. You have heard of the attractiveness of "bad boys", right? — LuckyR

Attraction to the ‘bad boy’ is not really a sign of intelligence in women, per se. The diligent, studious or dutiful young woman is often attracted to the ‘bad boy’.

Guys, you need to watch more teen films. The air-head socialite girls all go for the football jocks and the intelligent girl, who always wears glasses and has a bad hairdo and no makeup, goes for the maverick loner who is ignored or bullied by everyone else. Intelligence doesn't come into it, you have to be a maverick loner, preferably with tragic problems and odd parents, if any. — unenlightened

TBH, I think this is not far off. Intelligent women are attracted to puzzles they can’t solve - incongruities and contradictions. A maverick who defies expectations is the perfect candidate. If you can demonstrate that negative assumptions she may have about you are wrong, then you’re off to a good start.

But do intelligent women always need a guy that challenges them mentally? — TiredThinker

“To challenge mentally or to be mentally challenged. That is the question!” Haha :P

TBH, I think this is not far off — Possibility

Incel fantasy, alas.

The rule is big muscles and/or big wallet. Romance is nice and flattering, but a girl has to be practical.

I am wondering. Do intelligent women ever find average to a little bit slow men attractive? I know they say if you're the smartest person in the room you're in the wrong room. But do intelligent women always need a guy that challenges them mentally? I find intelligence and an open mind attractive, but it doesn't feel like I qualify for those women. It often feels that I am stuck amongst women that question very little in the world and don't try to figure things out. — TiredThinker

I apologize for psychologizing the OP here, but what you are actually seem to be asking is, hey, I like intelligent women, but somehow, they do not seem to like me, is it because I am not smart enough for them? Well, I do not think that is the case. From my experience women do not generally like intelligent guys. I assume guys also not necessarily like intelligent women. It can actually be quite off putting if someone asks difficult questions all the time. Often intelligent guys tend to make a problem out of everything instead of going with the flow. Also they might not all behave very manly, because they are used to thinking before acting. (Now there are exceptions, some guys have it all, they are just lucky). I do not think your intelligence is the problem. Maybe you are intelligent and women who do not question everything might find your antics endearing.

I also think you are a but much in awe of intelligent women, wondering if you qualify. Well, no one really likes another person who is in awe of them, because it is quite an objectifying gaze. You reduce a woman to her intelligence and no one wants to be reduced to anything. Admiration is of course fine, but putting yourself down is not.

Contrary to "unenlightened;497655" I do think there are intelligent women who also like intelligent guys. I do not know if there are many but it certainly is possible. Maybe they are referred to 180's sapiosexuals. Yes there is a niche for everything even for us nerds.

Incel fantasy, alas.

The rule is big muscles and/or big wallet. Romance is nice and flattering, but a girl has to be practical. — unenlightened

Well, that sounds to me like an incel grumble.

There is no ‘rule’, and even if there was, I can assure you that’s not it. Romance IS nice, from my experience. And a girl doesn’t have to be practical about attraction or dating.

My wife is a lot smarter than me, but I’m hung like a horse so...

It is said that you end up with the partner you truly deserve.

It is said that you end up with the partner you truly deserve. — synthesis

Well that's me feeling extremely smug!

The key here is, "end up."

grim reaper is secretly bae!?11?

I may be a pensioner, but I'm still keeping my end up, never fear.

Not all...

As always.

:lol:

All women are, for better or worse, out or my league. I think women want the same things men want. Further, I'm reminded of the question, "do minds have gender?" which makes your question moot.

A glimpse of divine karmic justice! :p

The rule is big muscles and/or big wallet. Romance is nice and flattering, but a girl has to be practical. — unenlightened

I more or less concur. Weird and good looking works for teens. Then things get awfully practical. Fit and healthy, strong, lots of money.

EDIT: there are somewhat different rules for specialist groups.

"German philosopher Immanuel Kant never actually married during his entire 79-year lifespan." — fishfry

It's arguable he died a virgin, poor fellow. But it's known he was friendly, at least, with a number of women, if he didn't have sexual relations with them. Perhaps he, like General Ripper in Dr. Strangelove, didn't avoid women but denied them his essence.

I am wondering. Do intelligent women ever find average to a little bit slow men attractive? I know they say if you're the smartest person in the room you're in the wrong room. But do intelligent women always need a guy that challenges them mentally? I find intelligence and an open mind attractive, but it doesn't feel like I qualify for those women. It often feels that I am stuck amongst women that question very little in the world and don't try to figure things out. — TiredThinker

It depends on what you mean by intelligent. An intelligent woman wants to know you while a shrewd woman wants to judge you. Yet we use the same word for both.

Perhaps he, like General Ripper in Dr. Strangelove, didn't avoid women but denied them his essence. — Ciceronianus the White

Precious bodily fluids are not to be trifled with. But getting back to the OP, one should read up on some arcane subject before making an approach. Then casually bring up the subject as if in passing and eloquently remark about it with well-rehearsed sentences. This is guaranteed to pay off but it requires continuous effort. Once she has fallen under your spell, however, you can revert to your basic self, assured of her lasting love and devotion. :cool:

Do intelligent women ever? find average to a little bit slow men attractive? — TiredThinker

Of course that happens. But attraction depends on more than an assessment of intelligence. The force that through the green fuse drives the flower has something to do with it. "Finding attractive" may not be simple but maintaining a long-lasting relationship is much more complicated. Brains or not, a similar approach to money management helps a lot. Success at sex matters. Economic security helps. Et cetera.

Finding places of mutual interest does require a shared intellectual capacity to some degree. On the other hand, smart people bore other smart people all the time.
What seems exciting and clever in the beginning can become tiresome and trite after a bit of living. The difficulty Madame Bovary has watching her husband eat potatoes is in every relationship by one means or another. There has to be something on the other side of the scale to keep desire alive.
I was in several relationships as a young man with women who were brilliant and insightful while also full of a spirit of punishment that I fled in order to survive. The experience changed who I found interesting.

like General Ripper in Dr. Strangelove, didn't avoid women but denied them his essence. — Ciceronianus the White

LOL. Our precious bodily fluids.

Do intelligent women ever find average to a little bit slow men attractive? — TiredThinker

There are few better ways to determine what women want than to ask a bunch of men on a philosophy website, so I want to first commend you on your decision to bring your concerns here.

To impart my wisdom, which I must assume you have been waiting for, is to let you know that what I have found is, that above all else, women want to have sex, and they are willing to go to great lengths to get it, regardless of the intelligence of their partner. There is the possibility that I am projecting my own thoughts upon others, particularly women, but I'm generally dismissive of the thought that my instincts are wrong, so I'm committed to this observation. Your being slow should therefore not deter you, so long as you're ultimately willing to give them what they want, even should it be awkwardly and quickly.

To offer you a further observation, when I think historically about the men who have mastered the art of seduction, like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever or perhaps Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing, I notice a strong correlation between dance and romantic success. My point being that you need to abandon all this bookish talk and psychoanalysis and put on your dance shoes.

I hope this helps.