I'd add "and those who can do neither, post. — csalisbury
But meanwhile, do meditation, help friends and family when they need, cook good meals, so forth. And maybe sometimes be the grumpy person when doing it?) — csalisbury
We know of all these people that they were difficult in their own lives - their own relationships fell ever apart - but razor-sharp and charming while appraising the situations of others. Why is that? — csalisbury
Isn't there something violent in this whole schema of needs and tactics, and the rest? Who talks about people in terms of needs and tactics, like this? The R D Laing of Knots, the Eric Berne of Games People Play, the Gregory Bateson of Many Books, the Alan Watts of Many Lectures. — csalisbury
But then that's not the trauma we're talking about is it? — unenlightened
But then that's not the trauma we're talking about is it?
— unenlightened
I don't think the boundary is that clear. — fdrake
If I need to beat you because I can't bear my own shame... — fdrake
But did you misunderstand me? All I meant was that when we talk about the effects of trauma, we are talking about past trauma, not present trauma. — unenlightened
Since you are generalising the personal here, — unenlightened
I like this advice. I can be grumpy sometimes and it is my least useful and most unattractive attribute. — Tom Storm
I think trauma blurs the distinction between the past and the future. The past has a frustrated need in it, the future is lived as a tactic to compensate. Perhaps that's where we're talking past each other. — fdrake
Which is exactly the reappearance of the stress of the past in the present as "inappropriate reactions" — unenlightened
But actually, I don't think that is what non-violent communication is about. It's not a theory that only special non-violent people can understand, it's something grumpy, traumatised, people can learn to do sometimes, something your everyday relationship counsellor might try and do with their clients, or peace brokers could model and teach in their negotiations, or my wife and I might use to defuse our conflicts. It's a very humdrum revolution for part-time peacemakers, not enlightenment for the unenlightened.. — unenlightened
Here's another piece that gets a bit deeper into anger. — unenlightened
So the 'stimulus' is what the other person does, the 'cause' is our thinking and the 'root' is the fact we were educated to think violently, or is it our unmet need? I don't understand what the root is — The Opposite
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