There are two complementary views of who and/or what we are. The first view, which is the common view, is the outer view. The second view, the inner view, is less common.

In the outer view, we picture ourselves as an individual person, having a body which exists in the external space-time universe. We describe ourselves in terms of our position, activities, and interest in that external universe. “Pete is the spouse of Jane, and the father of two children. Pete went to Harvard and got a degree in finance. He works for XYZ corp. His interest are sports, camping, and playing the drums with local groups.” Here, the big picture, the “frame,” is the exterior world of which we are a part.

In the inner view, we picture ourselves as an awareness, as a self, which experiences physical, emotional, and mental sensations. The sensations stream into and out of our awareness. Here, the big picture, the “frame,” is our awareness of which the exterior world is a part. Our awareness is not limited to awareness of the external world. Sometimes we experience the exterior world; other times, we experience our inner emotions and thoughts. The sensations of external world are but a part of our stream of sensations. In that sense, the exterior world lives in our awareness and constitutes a part, but not all, of its sensations.

As a newborn, our sensations are incoherent. Eventually, we learn to make sense of the sensations. We recognize the particular sensations which correlate with a parent, a toy, a chair. “There’s a wooden chair. I see it. I can walk around it and verify it exists in three-dimensions and isn’t merely a picture of a chair. I can touch it. I experience the chair.” In fact, we possess no special sense which detects chairs. All we experience is a stream of sensations: physical (sight, hearing, touch, taste, smell), emotional (happy, sad, etc.), and mental (“What will I have for lunch?”, E=mc2, etc.). The chair is an idea our mind creates to make sense of some of our sensations.

The ego is a sensation, too. It’s something our mind creates to represent ourselves and our relation to the external world. We come to think of ourselves as an individual ego, as one person among many, i.e., we learn the external view of ourselves.

The ego is essential for survival; without a sense of self, there would be no reason not to cross a busy highway. But the ego is a burden, too. It is a small thing, one person among billions of other people. And it’s fragile. An unkind word can disturb it. A virus can destroy it (at least, as far as Earthly life is concerned). The ego is a burden, which is why we spend so much time trying to forget it. We read novels, watch TV, surf the Internet, etc.—all in an effort to forget ourselves.

Under the inner view, the ego is not ourselves. Rather, it’s a mental creation that represents ourselves. It was absent when I was born and for some months afterward. It’s absent when we forget ourselves. But our awareness is never absent when we are conscious. Awareness, more than anything else, deserves to be called our true self.

A helpful image is to imagine that our sensations exist in awareness as images exist in a mirror. The images come and go, but the mirror remains. Physical, emotional, and mental sensations come and go but our awareness remains. Further, sensations are unable to permanently affect awareness in any way, just as images in a mirror leave the mirror untouched.

Of the two views, the outer view is more pervasive. We don’t often view ourselves as an awareness experiencing a stream of sensations. Why not? After all, of the two views, the inner view is more certain. It is undeniable I am an awareness experiencing sensations. Based on those sensations, I hypothesize an exterior world. I may be mistaken about the exterior world. In actuality, I could be a “brain in a vat,” much as Neo is in the beginning of the movie The Matrix. Perhaps I exist as a “brain in a vat,” with electrodes stimulating my brain so that I experience people and sky and trees and cars; in short, an imagined external universe. The sensations are objects which exists for a time in the subject, i.e., awareness.

The inner view is more certain. I am 100% certain of the stream of sensations that exists in my awareness. I am 99.99% certain that the exterior world I believe exists actually does exist, more or less how I picture it, although I admit mistakes and optical illusions are possible. But the inner view may feel uncomfortable. The brain in a vat idea may feel uncomfortable and claustrophobic. And the inner view is of little or no use to someone who is immersed in the exterior world, much occupied with issues of survival and prospering. Perhaps, for these reasons and others, the inner view is the less pervasive view. But if someone is interested in the truth, the inner view should not be ignored.

We may explain a particular type of meditation in terms of the inner view. Imagine sitting quietly, exploring our inner self. I experience the chair I’m sitting in and any emotions or thoughts I happen to be experiencing. As I sit still, I may become less conscious of my body. If I’m more or less at peace with the world, then my emotions may be quiet instead of demanding my attention. Thoughts arise. I continue to sit still. I sometimes picture myself as sitting on a mountain watching the clouds, which represent thoughts slowly passing by. Of course, that picture is a thought, too.

Eventually, if my mind stills sufficiently, I have a moment where awareness is aware not of sensation but of itself. Awareness aware of itself.

As a little boy, I attended a Saturday matinee as a local movie theatre which had a water fountain in an alcove in the wall. The alcove has mirrors front, left, and right. The left-right mirrors reflected each other, giving an appearance of a series of mirrors going off to infinity. The point is that some self-referential processes naturally tend towards infinity. Another example is when a microphone picks up the speaker output, amplifies it, and sends it back out the speaker. The self-referential of the sound systems amplifying its own output naturally goes to infinity. It doesn’t reach infinity, of course, but merely creates the high-pitched feedback whine indicating the electronics are at their limit.

Awareness aware of itself. Pure awareness in the sense of awareness absent sensation, like a mirror in a dark room.

Awareness aware of itself. What is that like? For me, my awareness seems to fill all space. It feels effervescent, like sparking bubbles in a soda. I seem to hear a sound something like white noise, something like the Hindu holy word “Om.” The effect is enhanced if I also think the sound. (There’s a Hindu verse about learning to pronounce the holy Om inwardly. Perhaps, this is what is meant?)

Aware of my own awareness. Pure awareness. My true self aware of itself.

There’s more, although it’s speculative. In some mystical traditions, it is said that awareness, consciousness, is ultimate reality. In this view, God or Ultimate Reality, is like the sun and our individual awareness is like the sun’s reflection in water. With this view, our awareness is the spark of God with us. (“The kingdom of God is within you,” said Jesus.) With this view, we are ultimately all “one in the spirit, one in the Lord.”

To sum up, in this note I’ve presented some thoughts and derived a meditative practice. I note that the practice exists independent of theory. Indeed, someone might disagree with everything I say but practice the meditative practice described for their own very different reasons.

I’d be interested in comments about
1) the thoughts/theory presented
2) any experiences while practicing the meditation