I have been suffering from Schizophrenia and deep depression for almost 30 years. The month I don't remember, LOL. My life is not easy too but nothing could possibly prevent me from fighting and keeping a positive view of life. I become stronger each day by facing new challenges. I am a fighter and I think you can become a fighter too! :wink:

That's rough. But the outlook is aligned with what I've been saying. Rough times can produce the illusion that non-existence is a "relief", but it's only a relief in the experience of someone who can perceive it; the only way to perceive a relief from it is to somehow persevere through it and be able to perceive it as an existing consciousness. Anything else is an illusion of relief by the need to be someone relieved of it, without accepting that this someone is nothing.

IIRC, Hesse wrote in Steppenwolf that the character gained a measure of comfort by deciding on a date to commit suicide, because that gavr him a date his suffering would end. So not as much "I will feel peace" as "I will no longer feel pain."

Because I wanted to know if there was anyone else on Earth who wished they never existed.

I assumed that, having been going through what you've been going through for as long as you've been going through it, you surely knew the answer to that. I wondered if there was a reason beyond that.

Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. I am so sorry about the hard times you have experienced. Are you on medications? What helps you? Thank you for the link to the music video. I am listening to it. While I am wiser now then I was before, I am not stronger. My symptoms reduce my quality of life significantly.

There are lots of intellectual people on this forum, so I thought it would be a good place to ask this question. I have asked this question before in another forum for vegans where most of them said that they wished they never existed.

That's an interesting correlation.

Anyway, so you did, indeed, already know that there was someone else on Earth who wished they never existed. Any other particular motivation for asking again here?

Yes, but I didn't know if there were others on this forum who also wished they never existed. It turns out, there are a few. The main reason given by my fellow vegans for wishing for non-existence is the abundance of suffering on Earth which they find very distressing. We vegans seem to be more sensitive - perhaps that's why we go vegan when more than 99% of humans currently alive are not vegan. We don't want to cause suffering and death by consuming animal products.

IIRC, Hesse wrote in Steppenwolf that the character gained a measure of comfort by deciding on a date to commit suicide, because that gavr him a date his suffering would end. So not as much "I will feel peace" as "I will no longer feel pain." — Patterner

Yes, as I mentioned, when it comes to actual physical pain and suffering, something that may be impossible to overcome, for instance with certain diseases, all of this has another dimension in that the suffering stops. However, almost all cases of "pain ending" or "suffering ending" is attached to the notion that there will be someone perceiving that relief after it has ended, but there isn't one. You don't only end the pain and suffering, you end it all; essentially nuking your entire being rather than just ending the pain and suffering. And many are so suppressed by their pain and suffering that they view themselves as only being that. But everyone who's pushed past such phases in life has always regretted such ideas of ending themselves.

I haven't read Steppenwolf, but imagine that he decided such a date and when the date came, the man had changed and didn't feel the pain anymore.

Physical pain that persist to the point of unrelenting suffering is closer to euthanasia, which I don't view the same as with the psychological pain people experience. It's another ethical and existential question really.

The main reason given by my fellow vegans for wishing for non-existence is the abundance of suffering on Earth which they find very distressing. We vegans seem to be more sensitive - perhaps that's why we go vegan when more than 99% of humans currently alive are not vegan. — Truth Seeker

But suffering is part of life. There's no joy without suffering, no life without death. The entire reality we exist in is formed around this cyclical dual phasing. We are part of this reality, this nature as all beings, only we are aware of this cycle in a way no other animal is.

But that also gives us a responsibility to handle this knowledge; it is both a burden and a blessing to have it. Not to see the suffering of others, but to form a balance and harmony with the reality of it. We can't reject our existence in that sense, we need to harmonize with it. With all concepts of it. Life, death, the cycle; entropy perceiving itself. So... perceive it and don't waste this experience of being. We can fight for all to experience it as well, to gain the well being of experiencing reality; but we cannot disconnect anyone or ourselves from death itself, or their part in the cycle.

We are all food for nature, in some form or another. Like the bacteria in our guts slowly eating us through life only to fully consume us in death. They've cultivated us as their cattle, nurtured in symbiosis until the final feast of their lives.

I think we humans have an arrogance problem. Both in terms of belief in our importance and of our own responsibility. We either believe ourselves to be above nature and the universe, cultivating religious thoughts of our own importance. Or we view ourselves as responsible for processes that are naturally occurring phenomena of an animal, believing that because we can perceive ourselves as consuming nature, we have a responsibility not to.

I think we should find a harmony between our perceptive self-awareness and natural state; to accept who we are in a responsible manner; not praising our egos into power or blaming our awareness into oblivion.

Yes, but I didn't know if there were others on this forum who also wished they never existed. It turns out, there are a few. The main reason given by my fellow vegans for wishing for non-existence is the abundance of suffering on Earth which they find very distressing. We vegans seem to be more sensitive - perhaps that's why we go vegan when more than 99% of humans currently alive are not vegan. — Truth Seeker

That could be. So maybe you're asking because you're trying to find correlations, maybe even causes?

I'll stop beating around the bush. I thought maybe you ask in different places because you don't wish you never existed as much as you wish you didn't wish you never existed, and you're hoping, eventually, someone will say something that clicks with you, and makes you wish it less. IOW, the reason you have not committed suicide is you don't want to be non-existent. You want to be happy, and you're looking for ways to make that happen.

Very well said! Being a conscious being is not easy since you are subject to suffering soon or late. Being conscious, however, is a unique experience. You love, you then lose your love. You hate those who abused you. Even if you are a healthy adult and have a joyful life, you become old and suffering is awaiting you. I however strongly believe that each human being has huge potential so we can manage any situation regardless of how difficult it is. People complain about how hard life is because they don't realize this inner strength. Once you find out this strength through regular practice then will realize that nothing can break you.

Yes, I have my medications routinely. I was hospitalized three times because I was out of my mind and had unbearable depression. I was under electroconvulsive therapy a few times too.

:100: :up:

The main reason given by my fellow vegans for wishing for non-existence is the abundance of suffering on Earth which they find very distressing. We vegans seem to be more sensitive - perhaps that's why we go vegan when more than 99% of humans currently alive are not vegan.
— Truth Seeker

But suffering is part of life. There's no joy without suffering, no life without death. The entire reality we exist in is formed around this cyclical dual phasing. We are part of this reality, this nature as all beings, only we are aware of this cycle in a way no other animal is.

But that also gives us a responsibility to handle this knowledge; it is both a burden and a blessing to have it. Not to see the suffering of others, but to form a balance and harmony with the reality of it. We can't reject our existence in that sense, we need to harmonize with it. With all concepts of it. Life, death, the cycle; entropy perceiving itself. So... perceive it and don't waste this experience of being. We can fight for all to experience it as well, to gain the well being of experiencing reality; but we cannot disconnect anyone or ourselves from death itself, or their part in the cycle.

We are all food for nature, in some form or another. Like the bacteria in our guts slowly eating us through life only to fully consume us in death. They've cultivated us as their cattle, nurtured in symbiosis until the final feast of their lives.

I think we humans have an arrogance problem. Both in terms of belief in our importance and of our own responsibility. We either believe ourselves to be above nature and the universe, cultivating religious thoughts of our own importance. Or we view ourselves as responsible for processes that are naturally occurring phenomena of an animal, believing that because we can perceive ourselves as consuming nature, we have a responsibility not to.

I think we should find a harmony between our perceptive self-awareness and natural state; to accept who we are in a responsible manner; not praising our egos into power or blaming our awareness into oblivion. — Christoffer

You are right. How much culpability do humans have? How do you work it out? If hard determinism is true, we have zero culpability.

Yes, but I didn't know if there were others on this forum who also wished they never existed. It turns out, there are a few. The main reason given by my fellow vegans for wishing for non-existence is the abundance of suffering on Earth which they find very distressing. We vegans seem to be more sensitive - perhaps that's why we go vegan when more than 99% of humans currently alive are not vegan.
— Truth Seeker
That could be. So maybe you're asking because you're trying to find correlations, maybe even causes?

I'll stop beating around the bush. I thought maybe you ask in different places because you don't wish you never existed as much as you wish you didn't wish you never existed, and you're hoping, eventually, someone will say something that clicks with you, and makes you wish it less. IOW, the reason you have not committed suicide is you don't want to be non-existent. You want to be happy, and you're looking for ways to make that happen. — Patterner

I think about suicide every day and have done so for 37 years. The main reason I haven't killed myself is that it would cause suffering to my family and extended family. I would love to be happy. I would love to be cured of my CPTSD, Bipolar Disorder and Chronic Nerve Pain. If you have a cure, please let me know.

Yes, I have my medications routinely. I was hospitalized three times because I was out of my mind and had unbearable depression. I was under electroconvulsive therapy a few times too. — MoK

We have much in common. I received 9 sessions of Electroconvulsive Therapy. I have also been hospitalised 3 times due to the severity of my Bipolar Disorder. I have been on many medications. I am currently taking 600 mg of Quetiapine XL per night but I am still struggling with symptoms.

If you have a cure, please let me know. — Truth Seeker

Ah, if I had a cure, I would be a gajillionaire, eh? And, with your decades of suffering, presumably having tried everything imaginable, and me not being at all educated or trained in these matters, I wouldn't dare even suggest anything.

But I can't help but think it means something that you would love to be cured and happy. I imagine many don't feel that way. Is that because you have glimpsed happiness, and want more? Or because you assume it's better than what you've been living with? If the former, then I guess that means there are possibilities.

I wish I could help.

If you have a cure, please let me know.
— Truth Seeker
Ah, if I had a cure, I would be a gajillionaire, eh? And, with your decades of suffering, presumably having tried everything imaginable, and me not being at all educated or trained in these matters, I wouldn't dare even suggest anything.

But I can't help but think it means something that you would love to be cured and happy. I imagine many don't feel that way. Is that because you have glimpsed happiness, and want more? Or because you assume it's better than what you've been living with? If the former, then I guess that means there are possibilities.

I wish I could help. — Patterner

Thank you for wishing you could help. I have tried so many things over the years. Some things have helped a bit. I remember my fourth birthday party. I was happy back then. I was blissfully ignorant about all the suffering, unfairness and deaths in the world. I didn't know all the horrors that awaited me over the rest of my life. That was my last happy birthday. I wish I had died then or better still, I wish I never existed.

Have you ever tried RTMS? I went through the whole treatment. It didn't help me but I found out many people happy with the treatment!

Have you ever tried RTMS? I went through the whole treatment. It didn't help me but I found out many people happy with the treatment! — MoK

Are you talking about Repetitive Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation? Then I have not tried it. It is not yet available where I live.

Yes, I am talking about Repetitive Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation. The first treatment is 30 sessions each day once. Then twice a week if the first treatment was not successful. Then once a week if the previous treatment was not successful. Etc. I strongly recommend you give it a try even if you have to have a short trip. Hopefully, that would help you.

Thank you for your recommendation. I will look into it.

I wish I never existed. — Truth Seeker

My wish is that all the people that wished they never existed would be granted their wish. Just so I could stop hearing about it.

My wish is that all the people that wished they never existed would be granted their wish. Just so I could stop hearing about it. — Mikie

Aaaawwww. You poor thing. Ask mommy for a kiss to make it better.

Yeah, that’d be funny or biting, if not for the fact that you’re too stupid to realize that was a joke. But keep trying.

Now that hurt!

There's no joy without suffering, no life without death. The entire reality we exist in is formed around this cyclical dual phasing. We are part of this reality, this nature as all beings, only we are aware of this cycle in a way no other animal is.

But that also gives us a responsibility to handle this knowledge; it is both a burden and a blessing to have it. Not to see the suffering of others, but to form a balance and harmony with the reality of it. We can't reject our existence in that sense, we need to harmonize with it. With all concepts of it. Life, death, the cycle; entropy perceiving itself. So... perceive it and don't waste this experience of being. We can fight for all to experience it as well, to gain the well being of experiencing reality; but we cannot disconnect anyone or ourselves from death itself, or their part in the cycle.

We are all food for nature, in some form or another. Like the bacteria in our guts slowly eating us through life only to fully consume us in death. They've cultivated us as their cattle, nurtured in symbiosis until the final feast of their lives. — Christoffer

:100: :fire:

I wish I never existed. — Truth Seeker

I think about suicide every day and have done so for 37 years. The main reason I haven't killed myself is that it would cause suffering to my family and extended family. I would love to be happy. I would love to be cured of my CPTSD, Bipolar Disorder and Chronic Nerve Pain. — Truth Seeker

A latter-day Sisyphus – no doubt your struggle (i.e. love), my friend, is stronger than your suffering – let that be your peace. There are no solipsists in foxholes. :flower:

Again, Truth Seeker asked a question, and I answered. In all honesty, having an impact upon you hadn't entered my mind. — Patterner

That goes for most answers here when others chime in. The argument from "the remarkableness of life" isn't always effective and no one else had made that point.