Rather than looking for perfection...

What is a reasonably good woman like? What is a reasonably good man like?

A good partner brings out the best in one's self.

A partner is someone with whom there is mutual caring, sharing, and comfort.

A good partner is [insert platitude], [platitude], and [platitude].

A hard man is good to find. -- Mae West

Are they hard to find?

Have you found one? Then what happened? — Bitter Crank

She found me, if you know what I mean, O:)

She found me, if you know what I mean, O:) — Buxtebuddha

I don't. Elaborate, in excruciating detail.

Oh, haha. I just meant my mother. She found me in her belly and then what happened was that, uh, y'know...here I am, :)

What resemblance do you think your mother will have to your sought after "good woman"?

It could have been that an alpha female looked you in the eye and said, "You. Follow me." And you followed.

What resemblance do you think your mother will have to your sought after "good woman"? — Bitter Crank

I'm not sure about your angle with this question. I've met several "good women" throughout my life. I have not, however, (at least I don't think...) met the "good woman" with whom I will, presumably, spend the rest of my life with. Are you asking what that lady would be like?

It could have been that an alpha female looked you in the eye and said, "You. Follow me." And you followed. — Bitter Crank

Uh, the only thing that comes to my mind when reading this is my mom leading my little sperm through her darkness. Hmm, poetic.

A good woman is not one who you break up with and camps in her car outside your house for hours until you call the cops. All others are just dandy after that.

Yeah, poetic, but let's not go there.

The angle: many men look for a spouse that is like their mother, and many women look for a spouse who is like their father. They usually have a difficult time finding a spouse who makes the grade.

As a heuristic I'd imagine a good woman is one who thinks a thread like this is bullshit.

There are no good women nor men, there are no bad women or men.

But there are a hell of a lot of incompatible people out there.

The search for good women, if it means finding ONE woman in which all desired qualities are invested, is inconsistent with the well known fact that no single person ever has all desirable qualities. Every person has strengths and weaknesses - this is the fact - and it leads us to the inevitable conclusion that no single person may possess all desirable qualities. So, a good woman is pure fiction.

That said, I think there's some sense in searching for good women, in the plural sense. One woman may be intellectually gifted - we can engage her mind. Another may be sexually attractive - we can engage her vagina. Another may be an artist - we can engage her creativity and so on. Much like our shopping behavior. No single shop/outlet satisfies our every needs. We need to visit different places to get all what we need.:P

Right. I don't believe in the perfect person. If someone has a reasonably good assortment of virtues, and not too many vices, that's as good as we get, this side of the grave.

Expecting perfection, or even expecting a lot better, is usually a recipe for disappointment when looking for a companion/lover/mate/spouse/weekend fuck.

The angle: many men look for a spouse that is like their mother, — Bitter Crank

That explains why I've been looking for a dead person to be my wife. (Sure, a little dark).

I have a real question. If you found the perfect woman, what exactly would happen next.

I have a real question. If you found the perfect woman, what exactly would happen next. — Hanover

Ooh, I know, I know! You'd discover your own imperfections. Fortunately, there are not many perfect women.

"good woman" — Bitter Crank

Well let's see... intelligent, independent, compassionate, chaste, not-selfish (I will not say obedient because if I use that word people will misinterpret my statements once again and say it's sexist), courageous, loyal, doesn't give in to peer pressure (this last one is very very important), doesn't get easily bored.

It's very similar to what a good man would be in my opinion.

As a heuristic I'd imagine a good woman is one who thinks a thread like this is bullshit. — StreetlightX

Why? I don't think it's bullshit thinking about what's good and bad...

Are they hard to find? — Bitter Crank

Yes, very very difficult :D especially if we insist that they meet all those characteristics. It's very hard to find a suitable marriage partner, whether male or female, in today's world (which explains why our divorce rates are 50%+)

All the responses so far seem to revolve around a good-female partner.
In absence of her suitability as a partner, what might be meant by a 'good woman'?

A good woman is the one you find after the bad woman you divorced.

Truly though, I learned a lot about what I shouldn't look for in a woman after spending several years in a mostly negative relationship. I also learned a lot about what I should be doing to allow my partner to be a good woman.

I've definitely found a keeper this time round - compassionate, supportive, loving, sexually responsive, hard-working, easy-going, frugal, and a great mother. The only thing she sometimes lacks is communicating in a timely manner.

I would say most of these qualities would make a 'good woman' (or person), whether in a relationship or not.

The "goodness" or suitability of either has little of anything to do with pair bonding. Some people stay in abusive relationships forever with people they hate, and others break up with their soulmates a few months in.

It's completely untrue to think that people that stay together have a better relationship than people that split. There are many influences that could lead to divorce. How normative it is, what your parents' relationships were like, and other influences, but the idea that people that have worse relationships split, and people that have good ones stay together seems completely wrong.

So, what makes a good partner? Above all dedication, and commitment one would think. As without those, it doesn't matter how awesome they are if they're going to take off after the first fight, or when someone younger, better looking, smarter or whatever becomes available...

So, I would say that the good person is the one you can trust, and is comitted to the relationship.

Very sensible thoughts, I quite agree with what you say here (Y)

So, I would say that the good person is the one you can trust, and is comitted to the relationship. — Wosret

But, as you said, there are plenty of abusive partners who are trustworthy and committed, but they're not good people.

I was in a relationship that I ended where I was trustworthy and I was committed to the idea of trying to make it work, but, in the end, there were issues related to basic incompatibility, not the least of which was that she was not a terribly good person.

The point being that two really good people may not stay together simply because not everyone is meant to be with everyone else. Sometimes the failure of the relationship arises from two people pairing up who never should have, or, just as common, two people who simply don't grow in the same directions over the course of many years and that results in ending the relationship.

It is possible that ending a relationship is better than persevering just for the sake of proving your commitment if that relationship isn't offering many positive effects. I wouldn't call someone particularly good simply because he can suffer through a worn out relationship better than the next guy.

It is possible that ending a relationship is better than persevering just for the sake of proving your commitment if that relationship isn't offering many positive effects. I wouldn't call someone particularly good simply because he can suffer through a worn out relationship better than the next guy. — Hanover

Well, my idea at least, if you're in a relationship to get something out of it (the positive effects), then I don't think you really love the other person. You're just being a utilitarian - maybe an enlightened utilitarian - and seeking your own benefit first, and secondly mutual benefit. To me, this cannot be love, because love implies self-sacrifice.

I personally would argue that it's better to avoid romantic relationships of the utilitarian kind, since it will inevitably lead to either you or your partner feeling like you have been just a tool to the other.

I don't think that I believe in that. It isn't that I don't think that some people are better suited for each other than others, or that some people are just better humans than others. It's that I don't think that that has a much to do with commitment as people tend to think that it does. That people that stay together are in general, more suited to one and other, or better people, or have better smoother relationships. I don't think that that has much to do with it at all.

You might be incompatible for any reason, which might include that the person doesn't satisfy some utilitarian purpose , that you don't share common morals or attitudes, or that you simply don't love one another in the selfless way you describe. Regardless of the manner you describe proper love, it's possible two people are incompatible. Two people with the purest views of love might not like one another.