I wish you had had a better psychiatrist. — unenlightened

Thank you. CPTSD and Bipolar Disorder make a difficult combo to treat. I also wish I had better treatment than what I had. I have been on so many medications in the last 27 years and 3 months. I wish they had given me EMDR and Schema Therapy back in March 1998. I had EMDR in 2024 which helped. I am waiting to have Schema Therapy.

A book that might help, "Prudence: Choose Confidently, Live Boldly." — Leontiskos

Thank you very much for the book recommendation. I look forward to reading it.

What do you see as your mistake in this instance? What is the thing you wish you had done differently? — Leontiskos

I wish I had listened to my parents instead of listening to my psychiatrist. Sadly, I can't change the past.

by making choices that eliminate the worst outcome — LuckyR

Thank you very much for your advice.

You made the best possible decision given the information you had at that moment. — Harry Hindu

It's not just a matter of having access to information. It's also a matter of who to trust. I chose to trust a qualified and experienced psychiatrist over my parents because I thought that was the right thing to do. I can't even come off the 600 mg of Quetiapine XL I take per night because my brain has become dependent on this medication, and I can't function without it. I am depressed even though I take such a high dose.

Only if you were Caligula, Hitler or Stalin. — Harry Hindu

I meant whether my nonexistence would have been better for me, compared to the life I have lived so far, which has been mostly suffering. Also, my nonexistence would have prevented all of my negative and positive impacts on others and the world e.g. ecological footprint. I am a Vegan, Egalitarian, Sentientist.

I have come through life almost scar free and I have lead an ordinary life but an enjoyable one. — Malcolm Parry

I am glad that you have had an easy life. I had many traumatic experiences from age 4 onwards. I am not going to go into the details of them because it is hard for me, and also I don't want to distress you and others.

you are where you are and decisions going forward are the only ones that matter. — Malcolm Parry

I agree because I can't change the past. Thank you for sharing your experience and for your advice. I am exercising daily but it is hard. I have a healthy diet but my problem is that my medication causes weight gain. I am also trying to learn computer programming which I find hard because of my depression and because of my age. I am 47.

While freedom is a curse, it is also life's greatest blessing, and I say this with total sincerity. Llfe truly wouldn't be living without freedom.

Much more to be said, but what do you think of that so far? — hypericin

Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts. I am so sorry that you, too, have the burden of regretting taking psychiatric medications.

I don't feel free. Do you feel free?

Here are some things I have done, currently do or will do even though I don't want to do them:

1. Breathe
2. Eat
3. Drink
4. Sleep
5. Dream
7. Pee
8. Poo
9. Fart
10. Burp
11. Sneeze
12. Cough
13. Age
14. Get ill
15. Get injured
16. Sweat
17. Cry
18. Suffer
19. Snore
20. Think
21. Feel
22. Choose
23. Be conceived
24. Be born
25. Remember some events
26. Forget some events
27. Die

I really want to go back in time and prevent all suffering, injustice, and death and make all living things forever happy, but I lack the capacity to do this.

Seems to me that the key is other people. Keep reaching out. And keep in mind that while you don't know what will happen next, sometimes things get better.

You are welcome to PM me. — Banno

Thank you for your advice and your kindness.

I use heat therapy (e.g. electric blanket, heat patches, hot water bottle, etc.) to reduce the intensity of the pain, as pain-relieving medications for chronic nerve pain make my Bipolar Disorder worse.

More likely, you would be equally discontent but with a different set of issues. — Banno

I agree with you. Wouldn't it have been better if I had never existed at all?

In terms of suicide of why you should stay alive it breaks down to practicality and it’s something out of my remit to advise on personal choices and circumstances. — kindred

My goal is to save and improve as many lives as possible. Obviously, suicide doesn't save my life, but it does end my suffering, which is a kind of improvement. Also, my donated organs will save the lives of others. Don't the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one? Although my suicide would cause suffering to those who love me. Also, it would prevent any future good deeds by me, e.g. I have donated blood many times.

There are factors involved when making choices and these are often a matter of personal preference. — kindred

How would I know what personal preference I should have? It's not always clear if the outcome would be positive for me and others. For example, I am on the NHS Organ Donation Register. I have been on it since May 1997. If I were to kill myself, it would end my constant suffering (due to Bipolar Disorder, CPTSD and chronic pain) and save the lives of those who need organs to live. So, should I kill myself? I am certain that my parents would be very upset if I killed myself. That's one of the reasons I haven't yet killed myself.

Do you know why this happens? Are you haunted by previous errors? — Tom Storm

This happens because I am haunted by previous errors. If I had known how things would turn out, I would have chosen differently.

What would be an example of this? — Tom Storm

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder on the 5th of March 1998. My parents told me to ignore the psychiatrist and not take the prescribed medications. I didn't listen to my parents. I trusted my psychiatrist and took the prescribed medications. 27 years and 3 months later, I am still struggling with depression and all the side-effects of the prescribed medications. I have gone from 65 kg to 98 kg as my medication causes weight gain. My mental illness has ruined my physical health, education, career and relationships. I often wonder how my life would be if I had listened to my parents instead of my psychiatrist.

Is it things like having children, getting married, or deciding where to live? — Tom Storm

All of them and many more.

Is this one you are mulling over or a hypothetical? — Tom Storm

This is a hypothetical.

Thank you for your helpful reply. How would one assess whether to have an abortion or not? What if it is not legal where one lives? Should they go to another country where it is legal and have it there? Should they carry the foetus and give birth, then put the baby up for adoption? What is the right thing to do? How would one know?

I agree.

Thank you very much for your detailed response. I agree with you. "Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." - Philip K. Dick.

Scientism is the belief that science is the most authoritative or even the only valid way to gain knowledge about reality. It often involves the idea that methods of the natural sciences should be applied to all areas of inquiry, including the humanities, ethics, and religion.

There are two main types:

Epistemological scientism – the claim that science is the only reliable source of knowledge.

Methodological scientism – the view that scientific methods are superior to other methods in answering all meaningful questions.

Critics argue that scientism is self-refuting (because the belief that science is the only path to truth cannot itself be proven scientifically), and that it dismisses valuable insights from philosophy, literature, art, and spiritual or moral reflection.

If you are a free agent, please prove that you are a free agent whose choices are not determined and constrained by doing the following tasks:

1. By instantly becoming fluent at will in all the languages you have never learned.
2. By going back in time at will and preventing all suffering, injustice, and death.
3. By becoming all-knowing and all-powerful at will.
4. By beheading yourself and growing your head and brain back at will, the way planarians grow their head and brain back.
5. By making all living things forever happy.

We can have delusional beliefs, but even they are not free from the determinants: genes, environments, nutrients, and experiences. Believing that one has free will is a delusion. If I had free will, I would have already done all five tasks I assigned you.

Genes + Environments + Nutrients + Experiences → Desire (what we want to do) + Capacity (what we can do) → Behaviour (what we actually do).

I have the desire, but I don't have the capacity to do the five tasks. Both my desire and my lack of capacity are determined and constrained by my genes, environments, nutrients, and experiences.

I have the capacity to drink tea, but I don't have the desire to drink tea. So, I don't drink tea. My lack of desire to drink tea and my capacity to drink tea are both determined and constrained by my genes, environments, nutrients, and experiences. No living thing is free from determinants and constraints.

Here is a thread I recommend that you read: https://thephilosophyforum.com/discussion/15933/what-is-real-how-do-we-know-what-is-real

I think you have this backwards, it should be “Determinants, constraints, consequences are never free from our choices.” Why? Because we are free to think otherwise. And in fact, we do. — Richard B

Our choices are not free from the determinants i.e. genes, environments, nutrients, and experiences. These variables not only determine our choices, they even constrain them. You can prove me wrong by instantly becoming fluent in a language you have never learned - it's an impossible task, or by going back in time and changing the past at will, or by becoming all-knowing and all-powerful at will. We can have delusional beliefs, but even they are not free from the determinants.

I am not seeking validation from others. I am simply curious about what others think. I don't require anyone to agree with me about anything.

If you are the only one who could do that for yourself, what does it mean to appeal to others? — Paine

We all make choices, but our choices are never free from determinants (genes, environments, nutrients, and experiences), constraints and consequences. — Truth Seeker

How would I prove myself wrong about the above statement of mine? The statement is based on a lifetime of introspection, observations, studying and research. Why would I be the only one who could prove myself wrong?

"A man can do what he wills, but not will what he wills," — Janus

I agree.

Just because one can't falsify a possibility, e.g. solipsism, it doesn't make it true.

You are right, Tom. Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts.

I will discuss Quantum Mechanics just in case you are interested.

1. Quantum Indeterminacy
What it means: Certain properties (like position, momentum, or time of decay) cannot be precisely predicted — only probabilities can be assigned.

Applies to: Fundamental particles like electrons, photons, etc.

Implication: There's no hidden variable or deterministic mechanism beneath (according to standard interpretations like Copenhagen).

2. Quantum Superposition
What it means: A particle can exist in multiple states (e.g., both spin-up and spin-down) simultaneously until it is measured.

Famous example: Schrödinger’s cat — alive and dead until observed.

3. Quantum Decoherence
What it means: Interaction with the environment (like air molecules or photons) destroys superpositions by entangling the quantum system with its surroundings.

Effect: The quantum system appears to "collapse" into a definite state without needing an observer.

Why it matters: This explains why macroscopic objects don't show superpositions — the quantum effects average out or become smeared by environmental interactions.

So What Happens at the Macroscopic Level?
Neurons, brains, cats, and humans are made up of trillions of particles.

The quantum randomness of individual particles is overwhelmed by the stability and interactions of billions of them — thanks to decoherence.

Hence, we don’t see quantum strangeness at our scale — only deterministic-like classical behavior.

Philosophical Implication:
Because of decoherence, quantum mechanics doesn't give us libertarian free will, nor does it falsify hard determinism at the level of human decisions. It just replaces classical predictability with probabilistic causality, which behaves deterministically on large scales.

Try to point to your genes and experiences. What else in the universe besides yourself are you pointing at? — NOS4A2

My sense of self is generated by my neural activities. This sense of self vanishes when I am in a dreamless sleep or in a coma or under general anaesthesia or dead.

My genes reside in my cells. They are not "me" or my sense of self.

My experiences are subjective, and only I have first-person access to them. Just as your experiences are subjective, and only you have first-person access to them.

If you are satisfied that all is determined, why ask about it?

Would it change something? — Paine

To see if others agree or disagree with me. I would be happy to be proven wrong. If anyone can prove me wrong, please do so.

We are our genes. We are our experiences. So if genes and experiences determine our choices, then we determine our choices.

Nutrients and environments may have certain effects on our biology, but they cannot determine our choices because at no point do they control the sensory-motor architecture of our bodies. — NOS4A2

We are not our genes. We are not our experiences. Our genes precede us. They contain the blueprint for our construction. Our environments allow us to live. If I were abducted by aliens and left stranded in the vacuum of space, I would die. My homeostasis depends on the environment I am in. Our nutrients are the building blocks e.g. protein that make us. Our experiences shape our neural pathways.

What evidence do you have to support your claim that choices free from determinants, constraints and consequences exist?

It's the genes, environments, nutrients, and experiences that determine the choices and the constraints. The consequences of the choices occur according to causality.

We are not made of mud - the Bible says so but it is false. We are made of atoms that were formed when stars went supernova. We are literally the children of stars. There is no evidence for the existence of souls. We are molecular beings, not spiritual beings. Our choices are determined by our genes, environments, nutrients and experiences from conception to the present. Our choices are never free from their determinants, constraints and consequences.

Sounds like you have a lot of challenges to manage. Your question has much more impact hearing this. For what it's worth, I wish you well. You've been resilient and strong in the face of significant difficulties. — Tom Storm

Thank you very much for your empathy and appreciation.

A latter-day Sisyphus – no doubt your struggle (i.e. love), my friend, is stronger than your suffering – let that be your peace — 180 Proof

Thank you very much for your empathy and advice.

Thank you for your recommendation. I will look into it.

Have you ever tried RTMS? I went through the whole treatment. It didn't help me but I found out many people happy with the treatment! — MoK

Are you talking about Repetitive Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation? Then I have not tried it. It is not yet available where I live.

If you have a cure, please let me know.
— Truth Seeker
Ah, if I had a cure, I would be a gajillionaire, eh? And, with your decades of suffering, presumably having tried everything imaginable, and me not being at all educated or trained in these matters, I wouldn't dare even suggest anything.

But I can't help but think it means something that you would love to be cured and happy. I imagine many don't feel that way. Is that because you have glimpsed happiness, and want more? Or because you assume it's better than what you've been living with? If the former, then I guess that means there are possibilities.

I wish I could help. — Patterner

Thank you for wishing you could help. I have tried so many things over the years. Some things have helped a bit. I remember my fourth birthday party. I was happy back then. I was blissfully ignorant about all the suffering, unfairness and deaths in the world. I didn't know all the horrors that awaited me over the rest of my life. That was my last happy birthday. I wish I had died then or better still, I wish I never existed.

Yes, I have my medications routinely. I was hospitalized three times because I was out of my mind and had unbearable depression. I was under electroconvulsive therapy a few times too. — MoK

We have much in common. I received 9 sessions of Electroconvulsive Therapy. I have also been hospitalised 3 times due to the severity of my Bipolar Disorder. I have been on many medications. I am currently taking 600 mg of Quetiapine XL per night but I am still struggling with symptoms.

Yes, but I didn't know if there were others on this forum who also wished they never existed. It turns out, there are a few. The main reason given by my fellow vegans for wishing for non-existence is the abundance of suffering on Earth which they find very distressing. We vegans seem to be more sensitive - perhaps that's why we go vegan when more than 99% of humans currently alive are not vegan.
— Truth Seeker
That could be. So maybe you're asking because you're trying to find correlations, maybe even causes?

I'll stop beating around the bush. I thought maybe you ask in different places because you don't wish you never existed as much as you wish you didn't wish you never existed, and you're hoping, eventually, someone will say something that clicks with you, and makes you wish it less. IOW, the reason you have not committed suicide is you don't want to be non-existent. You want to be happy, and you're looking for ways to make that happen. — Patterner

I think about suicide every day and have done so for 37 years. The main reason I haven't killed myself is that it would cause suffering to my family and extended family. I would love to be happy. I would love to be cured of my CPTSD, Bipolar Disorder and Chronic Nerve Pain. If you have a cure, please let me know.

The main reason given by my fellow vegans for wishing for non-existence is the abundance of suffering on Earth which they find very distressing. We vegans seem to be more sensitive - perhaps that's why we go vegan when more than 99% of humans currently alive are not vegan.
— Truth Seeker

But suffering is part of life. There's no joy without suffering, no life without death. The entire reality we exist in is formed around this cyclical dual phasing. We are part of this reality, this nature as all beings, only we are aware of this cycle in a way no other animal is.

But that also gives us a responsibility to handle this knowledge; it is both a burden and a blessing to have it. Not to see the suffering of others, but to form a balance and harmony with the reality of it. We can't reject our existence in that sense, we need to harmonize with it. With all concepts of it. Life, death, the cycle; entropy perceiving itself. So... perceive it and don't waste this experience of being. We can fight for all to experience it as well, to gain the well being of experiencing reality; but we cannot disconnect anyone or ourselves from death itself, or their part in the cycle.

We are all food for nature, in some form or another. Like the bacteria in our guts slowly eating us through life only to fully consume us in death. They've cultivated us as their cattle, nurtured in symbiosis until the final feast of their lives.

I think we humans have an arrogance problem. Both in terms of belief in our importance and of our own responsibility. We either believe ourselves to be above nature and the universe, cultivating religious thoughts of our own importance. Or we view ourselves as responsible for processes that are naturally occurring phenomena of an animal, believing that because we can perceive ourselves as consuming nature, we have a responsibility not to.

I think we should find a harmony between our perceptive self-awareness and natural state; to accept who we are in a responsible manner; not praising our egos into power or blaming our awareness into oblivion. — Christoffer

You are right. How much culpability do humans have? How do you work it out? If hard determinism is true, we have zero culpability.

Yes, but I didn't know if there were others on this forum who also wished they never existed. It turns out, there are a few. The main reason given by my fellow vegans for wishing for non-existence is the abundance of suffering on Earth which they find very distressing. We vegans seem to be more sensitive - perhaps that's why we go vegan when more than 99% of humans currently alive are not vegan. We don't want to cause suffering and death by consuming animal products.

There are lots of intellectual people on this forum, so I thought it would be a good place to ask this question. I have asked this question before in another forum for vegans where most of them said that they wished they never existed.