Emil Cioran said it well " I live only because it is in my power to die when I choose to: without the idea of suicide, I'd have killed myself right away."

Also ..

“Only optimists commit suicide, optimists who no longer succeed at being optimists. The others, having no reason to live, why would they have any to die?”

I agree that there's nothing out there in the world. It's all "chasing after the wind" in the grand scheme of things.

And while I can say this, I still find myself searching and grasping because it is of my nature to do so. Desire is the essence of man. And I guess this dilemma is where the pain is coming from.

And that constant thriving, that desire, is an obstacle to freedom.
Freedom from thoughts & emotions, which we all consider very very personal to us.

I think that if there was total acceptance of the fact that there's nothing out there, one would 'turn inward' so to speak, and disdain the world.

Why would there be any reason to commit suicide then? Except in the most dire circumstances possibly.
Wouldn't the smallest things become a material for inner work, for observation and understanding?

Sounds good in theory! Hence why I try to remember ..

‘But all things excellent are as difficult as they are rare’ - Spinoza