Thank you Brett.

As a "seeker" I would not say I engaged in a lot of new age stuff or law of attraction type things. I am more interested in wisdom. I'm green in the philosophy department. I have a very rudimentary level of knowledge -- I would say close to none. I listen to a philosophy podcast (BBC) and read a tiny bit.

I feel like I know how to live but don't practice living. Once you have some wisdom it can never disappear. But then sometimes I am afraid that I don't know --that there is much to learn and I'm doing it wrong. Last year, and for several years, I was more content and in more acceptance but lately I have let my thoughts and mind overwhelm me. I need to get over myself.

Anyway, all blather. Thank you again for commenting on my post and I agree that "being here now" is more difficult in practice.

While these seem like the problems of youth, I am old. 47, female. I feel like I'm having a midlife crisis maybe? I don't feel like there is a crisis per se. I don't fear aging or death.

I fear a lack of enthusiasm and lack of connection yet I have fallen into a mundane existence of late. I think about getting older and truly connecting with others might never happen for me. People would probably consider me "normal". They would say I am "outgoing" "fun" "nice". It is true that I have an underlying optimism and cheerful demeanor, however, I still feel apathetic. I have fear of mediocrity which is interesting because I am not exceptional in any way. I am an Average Jane. I come from a poor background. My parents did not graduate from highschool. My mother was a teenager when she had me. I have a mediocre education and went to public school, community college, and a state university. I have no talents and that's okay. I feel like I have done a lot of work to help myself over the years (therapy, spirituality, reading, introspection) along with maturing with age, yet I still have some resistance to life and to people.

I realize all of this whining is ridiculous as I type.