In/sanity A whole lot is genetic, and epigenetics can influence gene expression, and thus behavioral traits within a single generation. Original sin, what what.
My Dad is a big guy, and when I was younger he had a parathyroid tumor, and uncontrollable anger. My mom cheated on him a lot, and he'd beat them up. He was super physically dominant, and the only fear he had of other men was going too far, and killing them. My older brother became somewhat of a pyscho on the account of various abuses, but also I believe that this influenced us both. He though used to beat people up all the time, and was a criminal that spent a few years in jail for theft, and assaults. See, it doesn't even take size strength, or skill to beat almost any one up, it simply takes a willingness. Most people aren't, and at best will grapple you, but are generally too squeamish to actually hit anyone, and don't want to be hit themselves. Unless people are drinking, and suffered some physical abuse themselves as children, they almost certainly are not willing to do much.
I was always afraid of hurting dudes. My mom is also crazy, but not in a self harming way, more that she is probably some kind of autistic, extremely disagreeable, and self-centered. Part of the reason why I'm afraid to over-estimate myself, or consider myself beyond the norm, is that she does think that, and even identifies as something other than human. Like alien, or something. When you don't identify with other humans, you can treat them fundamentally different than how you expect to be treated. This is what allows her to feel find about being manipulative, and using others as tools to get the things she wants. She also gets super ultra upset if you cross her self-perception. She actually isn't nearly as bad as she was when she was younger, but I still wouldn't want her as an enemy. Just like a few months ago she got into a feud with her neighbor, because her property was going to shit, and she wasn't taking care of it, so she called the police on him about his dog, and was actually planning to kill it maybe (he moved over it). Also everything is about her. If I have a problem, or want to talk to her, she was turn it to what she cares about within two words, and it's difficult to get her to listen to anything, and she doesn't know anyone at all. She has super delusional perceptions of herself and others...
I also myself have periods of like psychosis where I think that I'm king shit of turd island... but at least I've incorporated her traits into me, and don't deny them. The rest of my siblings have turned into my dad, super low self-esteems, and all got super fat. I'd rather live on the edge of sanity than lose all sense of self-worth.
I did have me a girl friend for a brief period last time I lived in town before moving into the middle of nowhere into an embarrassing shithole and putting all of my resources into helping my family again. I also used to date sometimes in Halifax, though never got anywhere really then. I did that last time, and tried to convince myself that I was in love... she was like terrifyingly hot. She couldn't even look at me, and I couldn't talk to her... lol, it was great. I should have just put up with all of her shit, but couldn't. She was flaky as hell, late or simply didn't show up half the time, only was up at night so that I only got to see her at like 11 pm at the earliest, and also was an isolationist with no friends. So hot though... she was always giving bullshit excuses, constantly talking about exs, and her past, and was emotionally manipulative, and never expressed any negativity directly, but passively. So I started just pointing it out like I read that you were supposed to, and then just dropping it and saying "guess I'm just paranoid" when she denied it like I read online would be a good strategy, and that kind of just pushed her away. I eventually threatened to leave over it, and that was a big mistake, as she like convinced me not to, and then left me like three days later, lol.
I had a great time with her though, it was a fantastic time. I may have been pushing for emotional intimacy too quickly. It's ridiculous to me that people want physical intimacy immediately, but are often super okay to never get too emotionally open with you.
I do expect it to make a big difference in my life, because it did before. I get invested though, and have a hard time suppressing my emotions when I get worked up. I reveal my dark side a little too quickly.