Conscious intention to be good verses natural goodness My older brother liked to repeat the tale how Mama slapped his face in front of all the family one day at dinner, and to express his indignation at the affront...
They were all gathered around the table, aunts and uncles and cousins, etc., the whole extended family, one day for dinner at grandma’s house. Grandma, of course, had prepared the meal, and had long gray hair she kept tied up in a bun on the back of her head...
Suddenly my brother, a wee tot, raised a long gray hair up into the air with his fingers out of the midst of his plate, and exclaimed, “there’s a hair in my food!”; just as suddenly, Mama’s open palm descended on the unsuspecting child’s cheek with a “pop”: “Don’t EVER say you have a hair in your food!” she angrily replied.
I don’t think Mama ever really apologized to him for this, and he held it as a grudge against her the rest of her life, though he always loved her dearly.
In acting the way she did, my mama certainly lost her temper and acted inappropriately: her child had just shamed her in front of everyone, and she reacted thoughtlessly, lost her cool...
On the other hand, my brother needed to be corrected for transgressing a social barrier. What Mama should have done was take him aside and explain to him in private that what he did offended his grandma, and that he should have dropped the hair silently on the floor and continued eating...
If after being warned in this way he had repeated the offense at some future time well, then punishment, not just warning, would have been called for, for a recalcitrant nature that is hard of learning. Whether such punishment be corporal or non-corporal is of little concern: a “grounding” or withdrawal of privileges can be as painful as a slap in the face or a paddle-stroke on the posterior.
The key thing, as Benji hints at, is that the punishment be delivered out of love, that is, desire for the correction of your child; not out of anger...
...it is said that Plato once got so angry at one of his slave’s bad behavior that he grabbed a whip and lifted into the air to strike him...sometime later, one of his friends happened along and, finding him poised like a statue, whip hanging and no one else in sight, asked, “what, dear Plato, are you ever doing?”, to which the philosopher replied, “I’m punishing an angry man.”